To think a lot of grandparents expect respect they haven’t earned?

[YourPoisedGreyRobin]

I see so many older relatives demanding deference just because they’re grandparents. AIBU to think respect should be earned, not assumed?

Can you describe what ‘demanding respect’ looks like in this context, as I am not sure I fully understand.

There should be a level of basic civility (as with anyone) involved, unless they don’t give any of that back.

I think we are in a weird societal shift in relation to the elderly. My grandparents fought in the war or were part of the war effort. My dh's grandparents are still alive and were just on the cusp of being able to sign up. So once that last lot have gone then our elderly will lose that automatic respect as veterans and just be people who profited off housing booms and fucked us over with brexit.

I agree in terms of wanting all of the ‘holiday moments” without any of the day to day relationship. My in laws want Christmas Day, are very offended if it’s any date around this and has to be “the big day”. But then I don’t hear from them in the intervening 11.5months, and they don’t even know how old the children are.

My brother, cousins and I respected our grandparents because they were decent folk who had raised my parents, worked hard and were kind, loving and supportive of us when we were children, not because they had contributed to the war effort.

Many current grandparents live on the bread line and /or didn't vote Brexit.