To think some parents use “mental load” as a way of avoiding accountability?

[PlainGreyReader]

I know the mental load is real but sometimes it feels like people use it as a get out of jail card for not doing practical stuff. AIBU?

When I see that being complained about, it is usually in the context of a partner who is unwilling to participate in the running of the home.

I think those tasks should always be fairly distributed but I do wonder why, when they aren’t because a partner refuses or it just isn’t practical, it is such a big deal. Women have been single handedly managing this stuff forever and there’s never been a time when there was so many labour saving devices and services as there are now.

I’m not saying that’s fair but it’s not as ruinous as a lot of people say it is.

Three word user name, middle word is a colour.

@Lurkingandlearning

Women have been single handedly managing this stuff forever and there’s never been a time when there was so many labour saving devices and services as there are now.

But 60 years ago a far smaller proportion of women were working outside the home, whereas today its a majority.

If you run your household on very clear "he does these jobs and she does those jobs" lines its possibly simpler (it wouldn't work for me but I can see how it would for others).

But a lot of men haven't taken on board that if their spouse is also working full time it's not reasonable to expect her to also do all the domestic work and all the planning that goes with it on top.

Its wildly unappealing to have a grown man do fuck all around the house and to contribute nothing to the running of the household except for paid employment (which most women do now too). The fact that some men do less thinking, organising, housework etc as part of a family unit than they would living alone is wild, and its easy to see why women get resentful.

I irrationally hate the term 'mental load' mind despite it being a thing, and think some use it to try and justify decisions when they dont owe anyone a justification; ie SAHPs on here will often cite it as something that takes an inordinate amount of hours.

Exactly.

Yep that is probably true - but I only buy for my friends and family (and DS’s), not for DH’s side, for that very reason.

To be fair, DH’s side just don’t seem to bother with presents or cards, so I don’t think anyone is offended. It does mean DS doesn’t get anything from that side of the family, but I suspect he wouldn’t anyway, given they only see him once a year or so.