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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To say “Hook me up with your eligible bachelor mates”?

10 replies

RogerR4bbit · 17/08/2025 17:08

I’m several years widowed now, and past the stage where people look at me with a tilted head and say “How aaaaarrreee you?”, and seemingly at the stage where everyone thinks I should have a new fella on the scene.

I have a busy work life, a social hobby, a dog, an active social life and a couple of kids which means that I come into contact with a wide variety of people (colleagues, clients, friends, family, teachers, fellow parents, neighbours, dog walkers etc) every day.

I am so regularly asked if I “have a man in my life” that I’ve started to make a sport of it. To everyone who asks, I reply “Not yet, but I feel ready to date now; do you have any eligible bachelors you could set me up with?” So far EVERY SINGLE PERSON has said “no”.

Now I recognise that the definition of “eligible” could be very different, so I tend to follow up the “no” with a “seriously? You genuinely don’t know any single men in their 40s or 50s?” And I tend to get a response like “well, I know Derek and he’s single, but he’s also an alcoholic. Jack has just got out of prison. John is going through his third divorce and apparently has a bit of a porn addiction, Kevin is currently unemployed and sleeping on his mum’s couch, my neighbour Darrell is single, but he has anger issues and I once saw him punch the postman, so I wouldn’t recommend you date him.” Etc.

I am rapidly drawing the conclusion that middle aged “eligible bachelors” no longer exist and am genuinely curious if anyone on here knows any.

For the vote:
YABU: I personally know 100s of eligible bachelors, it must be the circles that you mix in which mean you don’t

YANBU: I don’t personally know any eligible bachelors

OP posts:
Glitchymn1 · 17/08/2025 17:10

YANBU I know some single males …

Bayou2000 · 17/08/2025 17:11

I would agree they are few and far between. By 40s and 50s most people, not just men, have baggage. I am about to set up a Hinge account. I will feed back later.

ns87 · 17/08/2025 17:12

I would be happy I'm not being set up with them 😅

I would give dating apps a go, to see what's out there.

Poopeepoopee · 17/08/2025 17:13

hahahahah, thats exactly what I say too

"Why are you still single Poopeepoopee - you're a catch"

"Do you know any solvent eligible single men?"

"er, no"

"That's why I'm single"

Poopeepoopee · 17/08/2025 17:15

Glitchymn1 · 17/08/2025 17:10

YANBU I know some single males …

Oh I know some single males too

ELIGIBLE single males, well, that's something else entirely.

Cinaferna · 17/08/2025 17:17

A beautiful, brilliant friend of mine recently met a really gorgeous man at a holistic retreat. He is incredibly kind and dotes on her, really cares about her well-being. They have loads in common and he is incredibly wealthy. They exist. Go out and do things you love doing and meet men with shared interests or passions. Men worth having are out and about enjoying their lives.

Ohlifelife · 17/08/2025 17:21

I find this thread weird beyond belief.

I was widowed at 52. The last thing i would have ever of thought of was that I must replace my H with someone else.

I did get funny reactions from some women who thought I wasn't safe to be around their husbands and partners.

But honestly the one thing I learnt from widowhood was about being self sufficient. And that my personal life has absolutely nothing to do with other people.

Poopeepoopee · 17/08/2025 17:23

"Men worth having are out and about enjoying their lives."

Indeed they are. They're certainly not internet dating that's for sure.

RogerR4bbit · 17/08/2025 18:12

@Ohlifelifeyou've misunderstood my post.

It’s not me who thinks I should “replace” my late husband, that would never be possible.

It’s other people who are expecting me to have re-partnered by now, and when I essentially ask “with who?” they say “good single men are out there” and I say “great! Introduce me to them then.” And they reply “well I don’t know any personally, but I’m sure they exist.”

So I am now asking MN, is it weird that no one I know knows any eligible single men, yet they all seem to expect me to magically find one?

And to @Cinafernawho said “Go out and do things you love” and meet men that way; I’m genuinely not sure how I can do any more things that I love.

I have a career I love, that brings me into contact with 100s of people, I have a hobby I love which is very social, I have a dog and go on many dog-involved activities, I have kids that I solo parent and attend their school and extra-curricular activities which are quite social.

I am out and about enjoying my life, and whilst I’m not actively hunting down single men, I don’t come across ANY decent ones (though I’ve been propositioned by many indecent ones and married ones).

OP posts:
Maddy70 · 17/08/2025 18:21

I don't know a single guy in their 40s/50s it's not unusual I don't think?

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