My mother being mean about my child

[MoodyMargaret11]

AIBU to feel the way I do?
My grown ass brother (30's) was teasing my son (age 8) by blocking his way at the door way. He was towering over him and moving along repeatedly to block him, the floor is linoleum and son wearing socks (so fairly slippy), also carrying his tablet. I said to my brother "please can you be careful DS doesn't slip and fall". My mother immediately chipped in "So what's the big deal, let him fall". I turned and said "really, why should he have to fall and get hurt?" She went on "it's no big deal, nothing will happen to him". My brother said nothing, so I just reiterated my request. But I'm so annoyed, what kind of grandma says stuff like this?? (Note she has a form for minimizing and treating my son differently to older DC she feels closer to).
I'm also annoyed at my brother, we've been on family holiday nearly 2 weeks now, and the only way he seems to want to "connect" with my son is by teasing him, e.g trying to "steal" his tablet, "stealing" his sweets (supposedly as a joke but he's actually taken and eaten most of them without even asking) and blocking his way. He's initiated a game with him only once, plus a couple more times being asked to join - with not much enthusiasm. This bit wouldn't have bothered me, not everyone likes children but I feel he's enjoying/going out of his way acting like a prat at my son's expense, instead of engaging in kinder ways.

Your brother sounds like a bully. You need to stand up for your DS.

It seems like your brother was playing rough and tumble with your son and your mother thought it was harmless? Was your brother doing it in a teasing kind of way and how was your son reacting? I am not sure it’s the best idea to give your son the idea that a bit of rough and tumble might be harmful and maybe that’s why your mother said it? As in, it’s ok to fall over when you are messing around it’s not going to hurt anyone. If your brother was doing it in a mean way then that’s different.

Why in god's name are you on a family holiday with them?

Does your brother have kids? I think sometimes people who don’t have their own kids struggle to know what to do with kids so fall back on teasing and things.

As for your mother, she just sounds odd - why did she need to make a comment at all in that situation and why a weirdly negative one where she insinuates your son ought to get hurt? Do you think she thinks you coddle your son a little bit and she’s trying to say things that might encourage you not to bubble wrap him (not saying you do but sounds like an option based on her reaction)? Or maybe if he’s younger she’s just used to bigger boys not needing as much looking after or being better able to engage in horseplay than adults?

Whenever my family members do or say stuff like this I always call them out in the moment and they’re usually embarrassed enough to stop and think again next time!

Tell him to fuck off. Then explain to your DS that some rude little boys never grow up and should be ignored - make sure to do that in front of your ‘D’B.

Your brother sounds horrible, your mum no better. Make this the last holiday you go on with either of them.

Your brother is bullying your ds, yes that’s what it is. And your mum couldn’t care less if your ds gets hurt, nice….

you can try having a firm but calm conversation with them both about how this has to stop, but if they push back or get nasty then you go very low contact.

Isn't your brother just playing with your son? Are you perhaps a little over protective?

Did your brother bully you when you were kids? There’s nothing like spending time with your parents alongside your adult siblings to bring back the negative emotions of childhood. It doesn’t sound like a fun trip and is maybe not worth repeating.

Yeah 2 weeks of this? No thanks!

this is bullying, your brother is a bully, your mother is a bullies mother

Thanks everyone,
Some very valid points made here. I do think it's the case my mum thinks there's no harm in DS getting hurt 'a little' as that's how kids grow up (or some similar bullshit). It was just such a weird, unnecessary comment, as if she actively wanted him hurt. I'd understand if she said "oh dont worry he isnt going to fall" but her So What reaction felt horrible at the time, especially as DS was not actually playing but just trying to move away from DB.

My DS later did actually have a slip and fall over a wet patch on the floor (nothing to do with DB at least!). He cried and I went to check on him for a few minutes, when I returned she criticized me for molly coddling him. I did tell her to stop with the comments but I'm sure she still sees nothing wrong.

As to my brother, no he doesn't have children so I suppose may be a bit rough and clueless. He must think it's a game but should be able to see DS doesn't find it funny and just wants to be left alone? I did say a few things gently but didn't want to make a big fuss, especially as I'm already LC with them so didn't want further negativity.

He didn't bully me but we were always very different and I've found him slightly condescending in the past. He was better this time, a lot more respectful but still there were moments I've felt awkward around his reactions. I get the impression he is close to my mother, very affectionate with her and she does treat him like a man child still, which he happily accepts.

It doesn't sound as though your DB is being malicious, just kidding about - the way guys bond, is your DS getting upset about it. If you were worried he was going to slip it sounds as though your DS was playing - darting about trying to get past him. You do sound a bit overprotective and fun-spongey if I'm being honest.

Stop him bullying your son. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks your son needs to be your priority.

DS wasn't playing along though, he kept trying to go around so he can get to his room and be in peace.

She babies your brother yet she accuses you of mollycoddling because you responded to a crying child? The bold-faced cheek of her. I would limit my interactions with the two of them and not go on holiday together again. It seems like they have an unhealthy dynamic going where it's the two of them against you. It's a form of triangulation. In this case, they would be staging these little dramas to goad you, giving your mother the opportunity to pit you against your brother and criticize you, making you feel like an outsider. They would probably be unconscious of the reality that this is their motive. I experienced a bit of that with my mother and brother and they had the same sort of relationship where he was her manbaby. It's not uncommon unfortunately.

From those examples the brother is not just playing with him, he's being a bullying arsehole. If it was your son being bullied like that would you honestly stand by and and think OH I'm not going to say anything because I might come across as being over protective 🙄 How stupid. No he's not playing, he's a bullying prick. God help any kid that needs you to stick up for them.

I wouldn’t be going on a two week holiday with family I'm low contact with.

Interesting to read your comments @MuckFusk and @79Beastie
I appreciate your experience too MuckFusk being in a similar family dynamic.
If my mum was to answer honestly, she'd say she didn't mean anything (bad) by what she said, and I really do believe that. However, she is rather oblivious to the damage she causes by being insensitive and minimizing.
I can also see the hypocrisy of baby-ing my brother (like going over the top to offer him various pills and head massage for a simple headache) while happy for my DS to experience some pain and learn life lessons (that seems to be the sentiment).
DB is a combination of choosing to play in a low key, lazy way and also being careless and insensitive. I dont believe he realises how me and DS feel about it. He wouldn't want to hurt him but I think definitely enjoys teasing him, in a way a boy or teen would with a much younger sibling. Which I find weird given his age.
It probably doesn't help that my DS has difficult behaviour, despite my best attempts to teach and discipline him with consequences etc. I think they are probably annoyed with him (and my parenting which they always give advice on or outright criticize, even when I'm very strict) and so perhaps they are unconsciously taking it out on him for that reason. I don't know but you are all right, it was too long a time to spend together. My DB joined unexpectedly, was meant to be just us and my mother which would have been easier to handle.