To ask for ideas of a gift for 80+ yo DM?? I am stumped!

[bellav]

I looked through the other talk topics and couldn't see a good place to put this, but apologies if AIBU isn't the right spot.

Would appreciate some gifts ideas for my DM. She is 81 and I feel like I have given her all of the obvious options before! Done plants, jewellery, scarves, books, personalised photo gifts, photo albums, foodie things, etc, etc.

She hasn't much of an appetite and isn't very mobile BUT she's not an old 80yo IYSWIM, and so the kind of stuff Google turns up ("gifts for the elderly"!) doesn't work either.

Help! I only have about 10 days to go to find something good.

Manicure / pedi?
lovely light touch massage

Do you live close? Could you take her out somewhere - a matinee performance or afternoon tea?

does she read?

heated throw? Lovely gloves ?

An IPAD.

My 95yr old mum got one when she was around 80 and she says she couldn’t live without it now. It’s a window to the world as she has gotten less mobile.

there was a bit of faffing at first to get used to it, and she can’t sort it out if there’s a software update that requires anything fancy, but it’s an absolute godsend.

she’s not tech-savvy (no smartphone or anything) so that’s not a barrier.

Does she have any hobbies? Would she enjoy an afternoon tea - you can order them to be delivered if you don't live near enough to take her out.

Time. My elderly parents' favourite presents are where I spend time with them, e.g. taking them for a meal or afternoon tea, taking them to an accessible NT trust place or beauty spot, going to the theatre, etc. They don't really want stuff as they've spent years decluttering and live quite minimally now.

I would gift her a memory - attending a play she remembers from her golden years, a day trip somewhere she hasn’t been in years. Accompanied by afternoon tea/a meal at her favourite restaurant. Basically gift her your time and show her you truly know her and are willing to do a day full of “her” stuff.

As my parents get older, they want fewer and fewer “things”. So I try to provide experiences or gifts that can be consumed. Recent presents which have gone down well (for both or either of them) are tickets to a show they like, a crate of a wine they like, taking them out for dinner.

Luxury food hamper just with treats

Day out where you pay for everything

Tickets to theatre/musical and you make a day of it.

Time with you and family, that's all my DM (similar age) wants. She has more stuff than she could possibly ever want or need, and the money to buy what she wants. But she loves spending time with her DC and DGC.

Skylight frame - basically a digital frame that people can email photos and videos to so it keeps changing

It all depends how much you want to spend! I'm 65, so a bit younger (OK - quite a bit younger) and I keep a birthday list so that I know what to ask for it people ask me. I'm also not very mobile.

On my list I have:
a Revitive (or similar) foot and ankle/leg exercise machine
more audiobook credits
real books (I have a list of titles)
ratchet secateurs
bone conduction headphones
plants for my garden
a facial
a retractable fountain pen
Just Bee Sleep time face cream (I got some last year and it smells fabulous!)

I'm still thinking of new things to put on there. My birthday is in November, and then there's Christmas, so I need plenty of ideas.

I do get disappointed when I give people ideas which are within their price range and they get me something else though... Especially if it's something more expensive which I don't want. The retractable fountain pen has been on my list for 3 years and they start at about £2!

I gave my DM a flower subscription from a local grower. Every month she receives a beautiful bunch of locally grown flowers

Turtle doves, fingerless gloves made from recycled cashmere are brilliant and have made excellent gifts in my family.

The other option is eco friendly stuff but it does seem a bit dull! You can buy rolls of rewashable kitchen towel, scourers that dont emit microplastics, wooden washing up brushes, bamboo toothbrushes, wax wraps instead of cling film? My 80 yo mil loves being as eco friendly as possible!

This. A thousand times this. I’m not as old as your mum @bellav but I completely agree. Incidentally, I don’t want gifts any more so our kids make a donation to Dementia UK on my behalf as my Christmas and birthday gift. It’s easy for them and it makes me very happy.

I recently took my DM to visit her brother and sister for the weekend. They live a good distance away (need to stay over in a hotel etc) and my DM cant manage the journey alone anymore, and they haven't visited her for 10 years.
It was her best birthday gift for a good while, apparently!
So I agree time is your best gift. And my DM loves spending time with just her DC. Her hearing isnt great at large family meals etc are difficult.

Aran Sense of Scotland do beautiful room diffusers, which last for ages. My favourite is After the Rain. I am just off my 80th birthday.

We gave my parents and in laws a digital photos frame where anyone with the app (and personalised link) can send them photos and they get them instantly. It’s brilliant as the grandkids who are off travelling about send them photos.

We use the Frameo app and I think they do actual frames too but our frame is Luvlink I think. Was very easy to set up - you get a code to share with people you want to be able to share their photos with you. The frame needs to be connected to wifi and a power outlet.

they love it as it pings when they get a new photo and then the ones they already have continuously display in a loop.

when my mum turned 80 this year i bought a "smash" money box and gave her £80 to put in it and then pledged to give her £2 a week to put in it until her next birthday where then she can break it open and spend on what ever she wants

I bet she really loved being treated like a child.

I bought my very elderly but still active father six assorted, home made jams for Christmas. Mate, that’s what he’s getting every year from now. He really liked it. He has a slice of bread and jam for lunch every day.

I’ve started going to markets to see who has what to stock up with.

This is a really rude comment

Does she like to make things?

Take her to a jewellery making class and you both make something?

Or does she like to crochet or knit? Something she can do while seated and to pass time? A blanket is a doddle with circular needles. I'm 4 slow months into the kit I got for my birthday 😂

Jigsaws, cooking kits - anything like that?

I got my dad a voucher for afternoon tea for two at a national trust property. That went down very well. I think things to do rather that possessions are the way to go for elderly people who often already own everything they want and more. If she’s on her own then something you can do with her would be ideal. Theatre tickets, spa trip, lunch somewhere nice, etc. Depending what she’s in to you could find a course she might like. My sister took me on a chocolate making course for my 40th, we had a great time. There’s all sorts of crafts that you can find single day courses for.

That’s not nice. You have no idea about the people involved. I expect the mum loved it, since it was done by someone who actually knows her and understands what she would/wouldn’t enjoy. A lot of older people are reluctant to spend money on themselves. My parents are like this, having experienced rationing as young children.

Could you recreate her wedding bouquet?

An activity together like wreath making at Christmas

A pen pal friend writing scheme?

Sunshine lamp

Some power assisted garden pruners

Home visit chiropody and pedicure

Some new shoes

Paws at the doors - dog visit