To be uncomfortable with parents comments

[Summersalmostover]

At a family gathering today. All family there. Niece was there who is 4. Mine and DSis parents there too so niece grandparents.
Mine and dsis cousin was also there with his gf. Hes alot younger than us.
First comment from my DM towards niece as she was hanging around cousin and his gf most of the time and they were being sweet and playing about with her and entertaining her. She said ohh cousins gf has some competition meaning niece. I was like..... no she doesnt as niece is 4!
Second comment came from DF towards niece. I asked a question to niece and she told me no but it was yes for cousin and gf which I just laughed at. DF then said to niece are you two timing me with cousin. I thought wtf two timing isnt that what you'd say in a romantic relationship not to your granddaughter who is 4 and his nephew.
I find they also both said on occasions how all the boys are going to want niece when she is in school etc.
She's bloody 4!!! I cant stand it when adults say stuff like this. Its weird and they are kids why adultise a child in that way especially one you're related to.
When I was a kid my mum used to dress me in quite adult clothing such as a skirt and crop tops etc. It was all about what I looked like. As a teenager it was what men gave me attention and DM thought this was important and me being catcalled as a teenager in her eyes was a good sign!
Only now as an adult im sitting here like what on earth and now im seeing it with my niece. My Dsis didnt say anything in response but she heard it.
I made a comment to DF in front of everyone and said he thinks his comments are funny but they're not. No one said anything.

Sorry this is a bit of a rant and I know im not being unreasonable but im kind of feeling angry at parents for saying these things and being this way with me and I don't want it for my niece.

The comment about competition could just be competing for attention and that one I'd let slide but the others are werid. The two timing comment is especially odd! Not sure if anything you say will change them..?

It starts young, the constant messages that a girl’s primary purpose is to be pretty and please men.

YANBU.

Oh that's all so creepy, I hate when people talk/about children that way. I remember similar comments from my own childhood and it made me feel so uncomfortable but I was too young to understand why

People do say the same about boys. ‘You’re a real heartbreaker’ etc. Terrible.

I know and i didnt realise until the damage was done. I CONSTANTLY used to look for male validation because my DM made me think it was the most important.
I don't want the same for my niece. Thing is when she's older and I say something the narrative will be im "jealous".

I know its so wierd I don't get why some adults see them as mini adults discussing their "boyfriends" "girlfriends" at school when they are 4/5/6 its odd!

Yep my DM also says this to my nephew too. She doesnt really say it as much to my DS but I think she knows id say something whereas my Dsis also feeds into it too

Your mum's behaviour to you as a teenager was awful. Instead of being protective, she encouraged you wearing the sort of clothing that would invite attention from the worst kind of men and she viewed any male attention as positive.

She is obviously carrying on this disturbing tradition with your niece. Were you praised for academic and other achievements or just your ability to attract the male gaze? Your mum's views and behaviour towards female children are very disturbing.

i absolutely agree it’s distasteful and damaging to push this agenda on children.

my mum in particular sent really sexist messages to me throughout my childhood. She even now tells me I am just a young girl and the men in work will never take me seriously - I am nearly fifty and a company director😂

it is much less damaging coming from a grandparent though. I get angry and correct my mum when she says this nonsense to my niece - by my niece just rolls her eyes and whispers at my that granny is ‘so 1980’.