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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Worried about seeing old friend

3 replies

BTECBetty · 16/08/2025 20:50

Hopefully this isn’t too vague - I’m trying to avoid it being outing.

Many years back, a friend of mine was going through some mental health issues and didn’t get in touch for a while. She then saw another friend of mine out one night and told her she was missing me, so I decided to give her a call. I left a voicemail, but never got an answer. Then the next thing I knew, I’d been deleted off Facebook. I tried a couple of times to get in touch, but while I got basic replies, she made no real effort to re-engage, so I decided I’d leave her to it.

This was over ten years ago now. Then a while back I got a friend request on Facebook completely out of the blue. She messaged along with it asking how I was and if I remembered her (which was odd as we’d been friends for years), making no reference to the fact that she’d dropped me out of the blue. I responded to the message out of curiosity really. It seemed she’d had a very sad life over the past few years - marriage break-up, lost both her parents, not a great time career wise. I felt sorry for her and didn’t mention anything about the years of radio silence.

Anyway, I saw via Facebook recently that something else awful has happened in her life. I sent her a message of condolence and she seemed very grateful. I get the impression she hasn’t really got anyone close.

The thing is, she’s now going to be in town next week and has said she’d like to meet up. I feel like it would be a kind thing to do seeing as she’s had such a rough time lately, and doesn’t seem to have anyone to talk to. On the other hand, it does feel a bit odd to meet up with her and just ignore the elephant in the room - i.e. ten years of silence. But I’d feel a bit of an arse bringing it up when she has so much going on. Do I go? And if I do, what do I say?

OP posts:
Ohlifelife · 16/08/2025 21:23

If the poor woman has had mental health issues and has had a really tough time then it seems pretty obvious - to me at least- as to why she found communicating with people difficult. It's so easy to withdraw into your shell when you are dealing with mental health and difficult life situations. And once you have isolated yourself from friends its very difficult to get back in touch.

I think It was kind of you to reach out to her and she is bravely responding by suggesting the meet up.

I don't think there will be an elephant in the room.once you sit down and start talking to each other OP. I hope the meeting goes well.

iirbRosb · 16/08/2025 21:33

I had a situation where a friend ghosted me and then I met up with a group of friends 5 years later which she was part of. I had a lovely time and it was genuinely nice seeing her but I knew I’d never really trust the friendship again so I didn’t pursue meeting again. The end of that friendship was very painful for me though so I guess it depends how much emotion you have about it

BTECBetty · 17/08/2025 14:28

Well, I’ve said yes. I got a really appreciative message in return, so hopefully that’s a good sign. Whether it’s the start of any renewal of the friendship, I don’t know, but she obviously needs some comfort and I would have felt too mean just pretending to be busy.

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