Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mother in law

15 replies

Amy34555 · 16/08/2025 17:20

Me and my mother in law have never really got on. She's very controlling of my husband. Still treats him like a child. With her grandson she blows hot and cold depending on her mood of the day. She was all over her grandson when he was first born but the novelty did last long. She rings up at 11pm at night for ridiculous reasons. I've tried to get her interested in groups, day centres, groups to do with gardening, social groups, she has gone to one group. It was a dining out group and it was going good, after 4 groups. She fell out with ppl from that group. She tells ppl too much about herself whens she first meets them. i think it scares ppl off. She's too much too soon with ppl. Her behaviour sometimes can be very strange. She's very sensitive but she has a very dark sense of humour. My patience is wearing thin. I decided to put in some boundaries. I want to tell her to ring or txt before showing up at our home. I want her not to ring after 8pm as we have our own lives and it's going to come toa point where I snap. I don't want that to happen. Can anybody give me some advise please

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 16/08/2025 17:23

It’s not up to you to arrange her social life etc
how is she controlling of your DH - this must affect your relationship with him? He needs to manage the relationship with his mum and you can take a step back
ringing at 11 pm is ridiculous

HelloGreen · 16/08/2025 17:27

You can step back from your side of things but your DH can do as he wishes. Have you spoken to him?

Amy34555 · 16/08/2025 17:39

rubyslippers · 16/08/2025 17:23

It’s not up to you to arrange her social life etc
how is she controlling of your DH - this must affect your relationship with him? He needs to manage the relationship with his mum and you can take a step back
ringing at 11 pm is ridiculous

Yeah I know that, she's a very lonely person but she seems to fall out with everyone. My husband has had it all his life. We do argue about her, she's very manipulative. My husband agrees with me that she has an undiagnosed mental health illness. We have both tried to talk to her about it but she has non of it

OP posts:
shellyleppard · 16/08/2025 17:42

@Amy34555 put your phone on mute after a certain time. If she asks why you didn't answer say you need some space. You need to start putting boundaries in and stick to them.... both of you

CarefullyCuratedFurniture · 16/08/2025 17:44

Don't answer the phone when she rings too late (but tell her that you're going to do this, otherwise she will "panic" and keep ringing). Stop trying to organise social activities for her, she evidently doesn't like them. Support your husband to stand up to his mum when she treats him like a child, but otherwise don't get involved.

Campingisnexttogodliness · 16/08/2025 17:48

Phones off at 8pm.
Send all texts to dh to deal with.

My ils never had my mobile number..

Createausername1970 · 16/08/2025 17:50

If she is phoning late at night then put your phone on silent. If that worries you then assign a calm and quiet ringtone to her, so it's easier to let it ring unanswered.

If she asks why you didn't answer, "we were in bed, asleep".

Pictures50 · 16/08/2025 17:54

Mute her completely and leave her to your husband to help her.
YOU are making it "wifes work"...massivd mistake

Maddy70 · 16/08/2025 17:56

TBh you sound the controlling one. Telling her she has to join clubs and arranging them for her, telling her not to call after a certain time etc. It's your DHs mum ... If he has a problem with the timings then he can tell her but I'm betting he doesn't and it's just you!

Amy34555 · 16/08/2025 23:14

Maddy70 · 16/08/2025 17:56

TBh you sound the controlling one. Telling her she has to join clubs and arranging them for her, telling her not to call after a certain time etc. It's your DHs mum ... If he has a problem with the timings then he can tell her but I'm betting he doesn't and it's just you!

I think your a trolley, your not getting a rise from me, go back to your mums box room

OP posts:
Amy34555 · 16/08/2025 23:15

Amy34555 · 16/08/2025 23:14

I think your a trolley, your not getting a rise from me, go back to your mums box room

Meant to put troll not trolley

OP posts:
mammat72 · 17/08/2025 14:00

even if you tell her it wont stop in the same sort of situation but you could try a message like this. but your husband would probably have to send

“We’ve realised we really need quieter evenings as a family — especially for [child’s name]'s bedtime. Could we ask that you give us a quick text before visiting, and keep calls before 8pm unless it’s urgent? We love seeing you, but we’re trying to have a bit more routine and downtime. Hope you understand!”

if that isnt quite right ask chat gpt to write what you want to say and it tweaks messages brilliantly

Amy34555 · 17/08/2025 18:36

mammat72 · 17/08/2025 14:00

even if you tell her it wont stop in the same sort of situation but you could try a message like this. but your husband would probably have to send

“We’ve realised we really need quieter evenings as a family — especially for [child’s name]'s bedtime. Could we ask that you give us a quick text before visiting, and keep calls before 8pm unless it’s urgent? We love seeing you, but we’re trying to have a bit more routine and downtime. Hope you understand!”

if that isnt quite right ask chat gpt to write what you want to say and it tweaks messages brilliantly

Thank you. That's a really good way of explaining it, it's to te point but also pleasant. Thank you

OP posts:
Maddy70 · 17/08/2025 19:09

Amy34555 · 16/08/2025 23:14

I think your a trolley, your not getting a rise from me, go back to your mums box room

Blimey , so no-one can have a different view though you when you are asking how to deal with a situation? You are confiming my initial thoughts

DaisyChain505 · 17/08/2025 19:14

This is for your husband to deal with.

He should be the one setting the boundaries and dealing with his mother.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page