Hard to describe, but finding it difficult to transition to having more time to myself and being able to relax more as DD gets older- anyone else?

[BarbaraVineFan]

My DD is going to be 6 in October and I’m a single mum with sole care of her. Recently she has started to play/do crafts/read much more by herself rather than needing me to do things with her all the time. This is something I’ve been longing for, but ironically I am finding it really hard to relax or get on with stuff while she is occupying herself. Right now for example, DD is playing happily by herself. I could be doing housework or even reading my book, but I am always on high alert, scrolling my phone and waiting for her to call me or to need something. (I find it hard to read unless I feel fully relaxed).

Does anyone else get what I mean? I have so many things I would like to do while she’s playing, but I somehow can’t get started on them because I am always expecting to be called away to do something/get something. It leaves me feeling very anxious and unproductive. AIBU? How can I fix this?

Yes I’ve been “struggling” with this all year a combination of a much less stressful and time-consuming job and Ds being older, more independent and able to stay on his own in the house for a little while means I could be getting all sorts done but somehow I’m not!
Not sure what the solution is really but I’ve come to the conclusion that you adjust gradually over time so don’t need to feel guilty about not changing instantly.

Thanks for your reply @Rainbowcat99! It’s strange isn’t it? How old is your DS?

Much older than your dd, he’s almost a teenager now…you have that joy to come, he barely comes out of his room some days!

Ha! I think the teenage years are going to be interesting here, for sure… I don’t think I’ll know what to do with myself!

This might be different, as I have shared care of AuDHD DS8. But when he's with his Dad every other weekend I really struggle. For me I've realised this is because of nervous system activation. This may not be what you're experiencing exactly but it might be worth looking at tools/skills to calm your nervous system... So instead of saying I will do housework or read, say I'll do ... And pick something you'd like to try. I used to hate breathing exercises but recently found some I liked on an online 'Deep Rest" workshop 😂 I'll try and share some of the ideas they gave on a tree, which I really loved! In case I didn't sound like enough of a tree hugger already 😂

That sounds interesting @b0zza1, I’ll look into it, thank you!

Just bumping this in case anyone else has thoughts to share

I don't really have anything useful to add, other than I am becoming very aware of this. My DSs x3 are all teenagers. On weekends they are working, seeing friends or out with girlfriends, I'm just the taxi! It feels very strange.