The stark difference between social media & real life

[Toohottomove]

I follow one of the mums local to me on Ig, I don’t know her personally, she has lots of followers and posts about places nearby I might want to go to etc, it’s a lovely page.
She’s very beautiful, gorgeous kids and partner, amazing house with pool, lots of friends, looks like a perfect life.
I was recently shopping with my Dd and saw her, she is naturally pretty but looked very different. She looked so tired and worn down, her partner was vile and speaking to her in such an awful way, as were the kids.
She looked up at me, I smiled and she smiled back, but just looked so sad. She wasn’t speaking, just looking down the rest of the time, she actually looked so lost
I realise a lot of Sm is fake and we all have problems behind the scenes, but this was such w shocking difference..really made me think..and I felt sad for her.

I may be wrong but I have always assumed that the degree of Perfect Happy Family Life displayed on SM is in directly inverse proportion to how happy that family is in real life.

If someone is genuinely happy, why would they need the world to applaud their everyday existence? I have a very dear friend who posts every meal out, every trip to theatre or weekend away on SM. Sometimes I get FOMO then realise I have just as many gorgeous events in my life, it just never occurs to me to photograph them, because I'm too busy enjoying them. She on the other hand is pretty unhappy. Her husband takes her for granted and her boss undermines her all the time, and keeps warning her that her job is on the line, when she is incredibly conscientious and good at it. (I used to work with her elsewhere in two different companies, so I know how she applies herself at work)

And life is never perfect. So faking perfect kids or perfect marriage is a big warning sign to me that someone is papering over the cracks and trying to hide stuff that is worse than just the occasional marital row or child tantrum.

It wouldn't surprise me, social media is totally fack. Hence why I don't have insta or other accounts. Well I have an old Facebook account, but mist of that seems to be advertising these days.

None if it is actually real.

It's all about being Insta perfect but they rarely are. I know a few mums who, on SM look like they have lovely lives but that isn't reality. They do protest too much. 🤣

I see what you mean, but for example I post occasionally, every couple of months perhaps. If i’m down or depressed or things are going badly I don’t post as there’s nothing to feel happy about. It would only really be of happy occasions
This mum posts daily-to stories at least and it all just looks so wonderful
i’m not naive and know a lot is fake in Sm, but seeing the family and her in reality was quite shocking
I wonder why post all these then, to make herself happier? It’s hard to understand

I have a friend who is very dedicated to painting a perfect picture of her life on social media. Beautiful home, every child’s achievement documented, dozens of photos of each family holiday and girls’ weekend away etc. Behind the scenes her marriage is not great and they sleep in different beds.

This mum posts daily-to stories at least and it all just looks so wonderful
i’m not naive and know a lot is fake in Sm, but seeing the family and her in reality was quite shocking
I wonder why post all these then, to make herself happier? It’s hard to understand

I think you are being naive, because you assumed what you saw on social media was reality.

No, I assumed there would be bits like we all
have-arguments, whinging kids, health & financial issues or whatever, but her whole look and eyes and the abusive husband and awful kids was just so massively different

I know someone who posted gushing about her amazing family holiday and how they were making memories! When I bumped into her and asked if she had a good holiday she told me they all got sick and the hotel was a shithole and had a dirty nappy floating in the pool. Don’t believe anything you see on social media!

I think the problem is that people feel under pressure to promote a "perfect" view of their life. If they start that way (rather than the ones that try for humorous moaning) then they have to continue.

I remember a FB post from my sister, along the lines of:

"Lovely mummy and girls day today. We got the craft sets we got for Christmas out and had such a fun time doing them. Then we went for a dog walk - the girls are such outdoorsie children and they loved finding leaves and were amazed when I told them about the flowers they'd picked. And then we cuddled up together with hot chocolate and popcorn to watch a movie. #blessed #mummyandgirls #makingmemories" etc. <insert photo of lots of perfectly made craft things>
People commented about it being a lovely day and she was replying with things like "Such a perfect day".

I spoke to her that evening, what she actually said was along the lines of:
"I've had a dreadful day. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. The children were so grumpy so I got some craft things out for them to do. None of them wanted to do it. A dropped the red paint all over the floor, and the cat walked through it then ran upstairs to hide when I shouted, and there's red paw prints all into our room and on our new duvet cover. While I was clearing it up, B squeezed green paint onto the dog, which went into the lounge and shook himself and the whole lounge is covered in green splats. I got them started and then went to try and clear up the lounge and when I came back they'd found the superglue and were sticking parts of the craft thing under the table and they won't come off.
I sent them upstairs to their rooms while I cleared up and finished a couple of the craft things, and they emptied every single drawer out onto the middle of the floor.
The dog then needed walking so we went out, and they moaned the entire way that they hated being outside and A walked in dog poo which we didn't notice until she'd walked through the house, and B tried jumping a puddle and sat in the blackest mud you've ever seen.
After dinner I thought we'd watch a film. A sulked because she says she'd seen it at her friends house, and B said she hated Disney films anyway, and they spent the entire time throwing popcorn at each other which the dog ate and is now sick.
Where am I going wrong? Why are you laughing?"

I said the difference between SM and the reality and she said, "but you have to write like that on FB - everyone does."
I pointed out if the difference between SM and the reality for her was that stark, didn't she think it might be the same for others. She didn't think so!

I think mine paints a pretty honest picture of my life with some good bits and some bad bits.

Last year I posted some pictures of our holiday and it looked like we all had a good time which on the whole we did. A wobble at the start but then everyone settled down and it was just a minor squabble which is reality but you would be there all day if you did a minute by minute rundown of each day.

This year I posted a couple of pictures and described a tough week with stroppy children. I didn't need to post anything but it's nice for my family to see pictures even if it's not all hearts and flowers.

There would be no point in me lying and posting total unrealistic versions of ourselves because the only people on my SM are the ones who know me and would know instantly if my posts were fake because they know me and they know my life.

What you describe does sound sad OP. It's always horrible to see someone's husband and kids talking to them nastily. Obviously every family has its moments and perhaps you just caught them at their worst - I'm also always wary of making assumptions without context, as it can be easy to get the wrong end of the stick. What you describe doesn't sound pleasant though.

I always wonder what it's like for the kids and partner who end up as the background 'stars' in someone's social media world. Personally I don't believe I have the right to post about my kid in particular, even indirectly. When I was growing up it was before social media was so popular but my parents were always going on about what me and my siblings were up to, our exam results, our holidays and I found it excruciating - as though we had to do well and be a happy family to conform to this fake vision of a perfect life. In fact we were all struggling with our own shit. Turns out the kids of my parents' friends - the ones seemingly competing over who had th most perfect family life - had their own shit too. Plenty of mental health struggles between us, and yet it was like our parents just wanted it to look good for the sake of their own status (my parents were great in other ways but not in this one, and it really makes me feel sorry for kids who get put into the spotlight by their own parents...) Kids shouldn't be props in their parents' fantasies.

There is apparently an influencer down the road from us and all I can say is that she must be great at camera angles because her house is a complete and utter tip. She still had her Christmas tree up in Feb and those weird paper blinds so you can see the mess for a mile off.

Social media lies. It’s not at all reflective of life , it’s a dangerous illusion.

I’m not a big social media user. If I do post a photo, I would purposely not choose the one where I look like I have a double chin, or where my husband is looking anything less than his usual devastatingly-handsome self.

Isn’t that what everyone does?

I think your attitude here may be confirmation bias, OP. You see this woman’s shiny life frequently and like to think it can’t possibly be that good. Then you see the slightest glimpse of mundanity and convince yourself that that’s her real life.

Absolutely, just because someone posts nothing but happy and beautiful content online doesn’t mean that their life is like that 100% of the time. But similarly, just because you see someone on what could be an off day, doesn’t mean their life is miserable.

Chances are, like all of us, she has good times and bad and, like the majority of people, isn’t posting the bad or boring stuff on Insta.

it's not so different on MN (which IS social media)

I keep telling story about Amy who I found out by accident both posted on MN and friends IRL knew her well.

The image she presented on MN and the gossip her friends told about her... well, let's just say there was weak agreement.

That sounds really sad.

i used to know someone like this, ig was all holidays to Thailand with the family etc but in reality he was off having affairs as he works away and she’s stuck at home having nervous breakdowns raising a severely ND child basically alone.