Take home pay as single parent

[Grenctu]

My sister’s take home pay is 4,800. She has one dc in nursery. We have two children and take home of 4,200. My sister doesn’t know this but I know her take home as she is constantly, at least weekly, saying how short of money she is. Our parents regularly top up her income with 200 here and there. We do not get a penny. I know she is on her own with a toddler and thats bloody hard but aibu to think she shouldn’t be pleading poverty in these circumstances? She has no debt other than car finance! I feel like she is taking the piss and we don’t get the same treatment. Obviously I haven’t said this IRL but it’s really started to bother me.

YABU. I should hope you haven’t said anything IRL. What’s her childcare bill compared to yours? You realise as a two parent family you and your partner have loads more scope to develop your careers, earn more, have fun outside the house, do up your house or whatever you want to do? Like you say, it is bloody hard being a single parent. You’re not sounding very sisterly tbh.

@FloraBotticelli she has 30 hours with nursery but I don’t know the actual cost.

You don’t think it would be fairer for us to have some financial support foo then?! Despite less take home and an extra child?

I haven’t said anything to her and I wouldn’t. That’s why I’ve posted here

It would absolutely bother me but I think a lot of people are tone-deaf when it comes to moaning about money and income. DH and I have a joint take-home monthly income of about £3500. We live in the South East, so not a cheap area, but we manage just fine. We budget and plan. People live to their means, and often beyond their means, and then moan to people who earn less than them (SIL I'm looking at you).

Has anyone tried to talk to her about why she is actually struggling? Child care costs are a big burden, I know. Does she make wise choices with the rest of her income? If it were my DSis having this moan, I would be chatting to her to see if I could help her budget better or get her on better energy tariffs etc.

Doesn't negate the irritation of it, but maybe she's just out of touch with the reality that £4800 as a single person is a very good wage.

Op I wouldn’t even waste time thinking about this

i I have an older sibling with no children at home and the adult child she did have is fully fully self sufficient.

I have three although two are adult age and one tween.

my and my dh household income is high because of what we do for careers however it hasn’t always been this way.

my sibling has always been given handouts,never worked more than 10 hours a week his whole life and now doesn’t earn at all

I know my parents constantly pay the bills for him and buy him clothes food shopping etc etc but it’s the familial divide it causes.

it’s not about the money,it’s about the relationships it creates amongst the family.

I can’t be around my parents and siblings at the same time because within five mins the massive divide in treatment shows in bucket loads and it takes me days to feel back to normal again. It’s a real trigger for me and brings up far too much emotional baggage I’d rather not bring up

also want to point out for around 18 months I financially supported sibling to take the pressure off my parents however I withdrew and stepped back massively for my own sanity.

I can only recommend you do the same or it will eat you up

Pointless...apply for higher paid jobs if that's what you want. You'd then outearn her easily.

It’s a lot of pressure being a single parent and wholly financially responsible vs being two adults to share the burden and workload.

Do you have nursery fees? Even with the 30 hours, with a child full time in nursery, you can look at £1000 still to pay depending on where you are.

Then you have accomodation. How do your rent or mortgage compares?

Your parents are obviously not aware your sisters single salary is higher than your joint , hence them helping her .
I Can see why you are unhappy with her getting financial support we’re you don’t . You’re stuck that if you say something you will look petty. Maybe try to broach it diplomatically and hint at your parents regarding your sisters salary “ our nursery fees have gone up/ food bill / car insurance/ bills , so glad sister has a better paid job than me and DH put together or she would really struggle. “

Well you have to support 4 people on £4200 & she only has 2 people to support. Does she not also get maintenance from her ex?

Have your parents got enough funds to do this or are they going without to help her?

Some people will always claim poverty & that’s why they don’t have an overdraft!

None of you should be looking for handouts, that's the point here really. But I agree children should be treated the same.

My parents have gone to the ends of the earth to treat all of their 4 children the same financially despite us having different pay cheques. I would really struggle if my higher earning sibling was getting more than me. I say this a single parent household too.