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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to want some measure of privacy in my garden from openly staring 10 year old boy?

20 replies

ShuffleShuffleSpin · 15/08/2025 20:27

Hi all, do we have any right to privacy in our back garden? (Semi-detached house). Is there anything we can do about overt, unrelenting, daily voyeurism?

Background: Basically, our neighbour’s 10 year old boy acted very inappropriately (including violence and sexual “grabbing / groping) towards my children. From that point forward, I have made it clear to my children they are to avoid him and have kept them away from him.

Present day: Neighbours have erected a shed that comes up to the level of several inches above our shared fence. Their son sits on the roof of the shed, faces our garden, dangles his feet into our garden, and stares at us while holding up an iPhone. We asked his dad if he could please ask him to come down when we are there, or at minimum face the other way. His dad says he is fine with his son being there and says he is just playing video games. He is playing games as tue music is fairly loud, but he is also overtly starting at us and not looking at the phone much of the time. We got a waist-high, large paddle pool this year. I am not comfortable getting into our pool while this boy stares and don’t want him staring at the child he assaulted either. He has done it almost every day for the past week. The parents are clearly not responding to polite, neighbourly requests.

OP posts:
TaupeLemur · 15/08/2025 20:29

Log it and call the police. Or get a nice big water gun and zap the little fucker til he gets the message.

CanOfMangoTango · 15/08/2025 20:30

10 is the age of criminal responsibility. I would consider calling the police tbh if you believe the actions of the child were sexual/inappropriate.

In the meantime, I would buy something to block his view of the garden from the shed roof, a massive parasol or something.

MumoftwoNC · 15/08/2025 20:30

I'd contact social services and tell the parents I'm doing so. His sexualised behaviour especially sexual aggression could be sign he's being abused himself. And that might shock the parents into stopping his behaviour

MovingOn2025 · 15/08/2025 20:33

MumoftwoNC · 15/08/2025 20:30

I'd contact social services and tell the parents I'm doing so. His sexualised behaviour especially sexual aggression could be sign he's being abused himself. And that might shock the parents into stopping his behaviour

My first thought too. He must have seen/experienced that behaviour somewhere.

what about a portable gazebo up for the summer around the pool with sides to block him?

steff13 · 15/08/2025 20:35

MumoftwoNC · 15/08/2025 20:30

I'd contact social services and tell the parents I'm doing so. His sexualised behaviour especially sexual aggression could be sign he's being abused himself. And that might shock the parents into stopping his behaviour

Yeah, I would have contacted social services when this happened. Even if he's not being abused it seems like some intervention is in order.

Blarn · 15/08/2025 20:37

Agree with pps, if a ten year old is sexually assulting other children I would contact social services, or the safeguarding lead at his school if you know where he goes.

maudelovesharold · 15/08/2025 20:43

I agree with a pp’s idea of a pop up gazebo with side panels -
https://www.wayfair.co.uk/garden/pdp/dakota-fields-2m-x-2m-steel-pop-up-gazebo-u001226326.html

DollydaydreamTheThird · 15/08/2025 20:47

OP says he has an iPhone so prior to the new changes he would have had access to the whole of the internet and we all know the twisted shit that is available to all. I wouldn't jump straight to 'he is being abused by his parents'.

MysteriousFalafel · 15/08/2025 20:49

I’d get a sprinkler

KilkennyCats · 15/08/2025 20:49

Turn the bloody hosepipe on him!
Every time. And report any sexual inappropriateness to the police.
He’ll be a teenager soon and possibly quite dangerous if he’s not reined in now.

CrispieCake · 15/08/2025 20:51

Attach a couple of high trellises to the fence adjoining the shed that completely block his view of your garden. If the neighbour complains, tell him they're "temporary structures" for when his son is on the shed. You could even attach them with cable ties so they can be removed when he's not there.

Childanddogmama · 15/08/2025 20:53

Perfectly positioned sprinkler!

Ollybob · 15/08/2025 20:56

One of those garden sails should do the trick or even a washing line with a row of sheets that obscures his view should do the trick.

Pinepeak2434 · 15/08/2025 21:00

My ex next door neighbours used to have their grandchildren come over every day after school and would sit on the shed so they could look over our garden, they would verbally abuse my children who were slightly younger, and sometimes they’d swing tree branches or whatever they had to hand over the fence almost hitting my children. I even put up a gazebo and they used to hit it with sticks. The grandparents could easily see what they were up to but just allowed them to continue. I have CCTV in my garden as I have a side entrance, so I sent the evidence to the council and reported it as anti social behaviour - but because none of us were council tenants the process was a long one.

TaupeLemur · 15/08/2025 21:44

KilkennyCats · 15/08/2025 20:49

Turn the bloody hosepipe on him!
Every time. And report any sexual inappropriateness to the police.
He’ll be a teenager soon and possibly quite dangerous if he’s not reined in now.

This - honestly, a couple of soakings will cure it!
We had kid rapping and running on our door - annoying as we WFH, so I turned the hose on them!
one whined to his dad he came round to complain, so I told him the kids accidentally got squirted as the hose went off as I was, coincidentally, just in the way out to water the plants … BTW what DID his DS want, rapping on my door? Did he need something? Did the dad send him for something? did he say??
Oh, and BTW I’m also sure I saw little Tommy near our door the previous morning after the door had been banged but no-one was there. Was that him needing something, then forgetting what it was and running off to get his dad to remind him?
Sorry about the hose, mate, you know how it is when you’re WFH and trying to fit jobs inbetween video calls…
And that was the end of that.

ShuffleShuffleSpin · 15/08/2025 21:47

Pinepeak2434 · 15/08/2025 21:00

My ex next door neighbours used to have their grandchildren come over every day after school and would sit on the shed so they could look over our garden, they would verbally abuse my children who were slightly younger, and sometimes they’d swing tree branches or whatever they had to hand over the fence almost hitting my children. I even put up a gazebo and they used to hit it with sticks. The grandparents could easily see what they were up to but just allowed them to continue. I have CCTV in my garden as I have a side entrance, so I sent the evidence to the council and reported it as anti social behaviour - but because none of us were council tenants the process was a long one.

Edited

This is so helpful. Thank you. Sorry to hear what you and your children went through! Were you able to get the help you were looking for? Did it make a difference? I worry that pursuing this won’t actually stop him even if what he is doing is against the law.

OP posts:
ShuffleShuffleSpin · 15/08/2025 21:48

TaupeLemur · 15/08/2025 21:44

This - honestly, a couple of soakings will cure it!
We had kid rapping and running on our door - annoying as we WFH, so I turned the hose on them!
one whined to his dad he came round to complain, so I told him the kids accidentally got squirted as the hose went off as I was, coincidentally, just in the way out to water the plants … BTW what DID his DS want, rapping on my door? Did he need something? Did the dad send him for something? did he say??
Oh, and BTW I’m also sure I saw little Tommy near our door the previous morning after the door had been banged but no-one was there. Was that him needing something, then forgetting what it was and running off to get his dad to remind him?
Sorry about the hose, mate, you know how it is when you’re WFH and trying to fit jobs inbetween video calls…
And that was the end of that.

Excellent. I also thought of this - just have our kids get into a squirt gun fight and squirt freely all around the garden.

OP posts:
ShuffleShuffleSpin · 15/08/2025 21:50

Childanddogmama · 15/08/2025 20:53

Perfectly positioned sprinkler!

This is golden. Yes!

OP posts:
Campingisnexttogodliness · 15/08/2025 21:50

We had a similar lad in our street. A few carefully aimed hose incidents had him staying away. He would stand at the gate annoying my ddogs and swearing at me.
He did in time sexually assault a small girl in the street.
Nip this in the bud now op.
Ask the police for advice. Get his name on their records.

ShuffleShuffleSpin · 15/08/2025 21:51

CrispieCake · 15/08/2025 20:51

Attach a couple of high trellises to the fence adjoining the shed that completely block his view of your garden. If the neighbour complains, tell him they're "temporary structures" for when his son is on the shed. You could even attach them with cable ties so they can be removed when he's not there.

Another excellent idea. Thank you.

OP posts:
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