Ghosted and now feeling I have zero trust in men ever again ..

[Missj25]

Hi everyone ..
So I’ve been on & off of the dating scene for a long time really, some guys I’ve liked , some I haven’t 🤷🏻‍♀️..
Never 💯 clicked with anyone i suppose aswel ..
lots then & they’re just out for sex ..
Any of my experiences I suppose I could say never affecting me badly really , as in positive & negative but just take in my stride so to speak ..
Anyway, started chatting to a guy on line 1 month ago & we literally seemed to click , conversations on phone most nights of the week for hours on end .. I never did that before with anyone where I was so at ease & we constantly had things to chat about ..
Seemed so geuine , I’m not into guys who constantly compliment you eventhough they’ve never even met you in real life & talk shit , gives me the ick 🤮..
I’d actually consider myself to be a good judge of character also ..
Actually was thinking to myself, I can see this really going somewhere, we just need to meet in real life ..
He’s 💯 not married as we would be on phone every night , video chat , swapping pics to each other lying on couch …
Long story short date arranged Tuesday just gone & chatting whole way through until he ghosted me Tuesday morning.. Haven’t heard a word , didn’t cancel date , nothing 🤷🏻‍♀️
Obviously I’m not heartbroken or any crap like that, I’ve never even met him , but now I just feel I can never ever chat to someone on line again & get to know them some bit before arranging a date ..
He was the most “geuine “, “ honest “, guy I’d ever gotten chatting to ..
Has anyone ever experienced this cause I’ll be honest it’s really thrown me 🤷🏻‍♀️

Happened to me.

Got a call from his parents, he’d died in a car crash.

At least they said they were his parents.

Sorry this happened to you. There are a lot of flaky shits out there.

it doesn’t sound like you’re taking it personally, but just in case you were thinking that way- it’s him not you!

this hasn’t happened to me when I was OLD, but I never let it get this far without meeting in real life.

not every man on OLD is like this, but the best way of finding them is to arrange a meeting early on and don’t get involved in long chats.

it only needs to be a chat over lunch or a coffee. But it weeds out the time wasters and stops you getting emotionally invested

Broke my heart at the time.

He was 21, a boxer and he called me baby girl. I was still young enough to like that.

We’d been talking for weeks.

Now I’m older I think I was ghosted but it honestly never occurred to me then.

Two options:

1. You've been ghosted but you'd been chatting to him for less than a month and you've yet to meet him, so it's not all that involved really. It's a shame but you should be able to move on fairly swiftly - you don't know him after all. It's disappointing, it's frustrating, but it's not devastating as you agree.
2. Something significant has happened at his end - I was without a way of contacting people for two weeks this month because my phone died, it took some time to get a new handset and SIM, and I couldn't log into socials or my emails because of two-factor authentication. He could have had an emergency - it's only been a few days.

My honest advice is not to over-invest in anyone too early on and to meet sooner before you start having long conversations. Someone people can be one person on the phone and almost someone completely different in real life. Chin up, if he's not the one for you, then someone else will be. Try not to let it get you down.

I think what’s bothering the most is it’s after making me afraid to ever chat on line again !..
I’m 49, live in a small town & the only way of meeting someone is to meet through a dating App ..
Like I say I’ve been on & off dating sites for years & nothing has broken my spirit , until now that is ..
Anyone I’ve ever chatted to that I seem to click with , I’ve met with , some I’ve dated for a while , some just left at coffee ..🤷🏻‍♀️
All in all good, & now it’s like I’m left with a fear 🙈..
How can I ever trust what’s been said to me again ..
How could anyone be so fucking Fake !..

A month - of chatting ?!
far too long

Meet within a week, do not invest time / energy / thoughts for so so long.

For some men it's all about the chase, some have no intention of meeting.

And did you consider his wife works night shift/s ?

Yes a month of chatting is too long and you just become pen pals. Meet within first 2 weeks in a public place for a short coffee and if you click then organise a longer date or it may just extend if you are both having a good time.

this is not worth losing your faith in dating. Explore further than your local area. Go out enjoy life and if/when it happens

Yes , I agree meet someone sooner rather than later before getting into night long chats , that is good advice ..

We chatted on WhatsApp, I’ve seen him on line so I doubt any emergency..
I’ve never been ghosted before , I don’t think I like it somehow 😂

@Missj25 Ah well if he's shown you his true colours then it's best to know now I guess. It's totally his loss and hopefully when you look back in the past - once you've met the man of your dreams - you will say to yourself: "I'm really glad he disappeared on me, because otherwise I might not have met Mr Sexy Millionaire!"

No he’s def not married , we live in Ireland , way too risky to be up on dating Apps with pics of you up , someone would 💯 see you that would know your wife ..
Well we actually organised 2 dates before that I had to cancel , but for very geuine reasons & I know he knows I was telling the truth , we would have been in constant contact ..
Anyway, I’m glad I came on Mumsnet tonight , we were chatting for far too long without meeting in person..
I’m disappointed , but coming on here has made me realise to continue to take this dating journey in my stride & not to let it bog me down .. Thanks guys 🙌
Onto the next bollox I suppose wherever he is 😂

Yes , he has shown me who he is ..
If he messaged me tonight, tomorrow, whenever I have zero interest in meeting him now , even with a family emergency you would send a quick message & say “ sorry I can’t make date today , I’ve stuff going on but I will be in touch “.
It takes 2 seconds, & that’s what a geuine person would do ..

Can’t wait to meet “ Sexy millionaire “ 😂

I think you’ll need a much thicker skin op! I don’t think that even counts as ghosting if you’d never met. You were stood up. Some fuckers go out with people for years, then disappear.
ive learnt the hard way that texting means absolutely nothing, creates a sense of closeness which is just false. One guy I texted for ages, farted about 5 times on the date. Meet as soon as you have an inkling they might be ok.

I have my fingers crossed for you! 😁

No , ghosting is when you’re in contact with someone & then they cease to contact you 🤷🏻‍♀️..
We chatted on phone & video chat more than texting.
Trust me when I say I’m cut out for the dating game , I’m at it a long time , could write a book 😂..
I suppose with this guy , he came across as the most geuine , not full of shit , normal (or so I thought ) , & attractive…
Works full time , plays sports, funny , doesn’t socialise too much ..
Exactly what I was looking for really…
Except now I can’t find where he’s gone 🙈 😂 😂

It has happened to me a few times. I now try and meet up as soon as possible, messaging for months just builds up a fake picture in your head about how they might be, they can be who ever they like over the phone or text but until you meet them face to face they are a stranger. I would say “you have dodged a bullet” he likely ever only wanted a pen pall/phone pall to fill his time and had no intention on ever meeting.

@Missj25 I know where you’re coming from.

its very demoralising and depressing to think that grown men ( am guessing he was your age!) who should know better would treat people like that.

Especially, because you think they are actively looking for a partner, and are in the same boat as you.

it just shows that so many men are of very poor calibre!

@arethereanyleftatall your farting Prince is a case in point. Who thinks it’s ok to behave like that? They don’t even have the wherewithal to hold in their farts for one evening. At least most men have the decent to wait until they are in a LTR before letting rip!

FWIW I’m a similar age to you OP and met a good one, so it does happen!

Yes , he’s my age , I’m 49 , he’s 48 ..
I want a geuine & attractive guy , that’s what I am myself, & please don’t think I’m full of myself , I’m really not , I’ve insecurities like everyone else ...Just I find a lot of the attractive guys are players & we will say the geuine guys who may not be that attractive, I’m not attracted to cause I want both .. Hope I’m wording this right !
It’s very hard to find both 🤷🏻‍♀️

Maybe he’s not the person he was making out he was. Or maybe he doesn’t really want a relationship. It can be surprising what people are hiding behind the anonymity and safety of a screen.

Anyway, I’m really sorry this has happened to you. People just don’t treat each other properly these days - thanks to the internet!

The problem if you want an attractive guy around your age is that there’s not very many of them, compared to the many more attractive women around your age, plus they can go a lot younger as some young women like older men. All the women are going for a small number of men. Attractive middle age single men could take their pick of a different beautiful woman every day of the week.

OMG , I’m after figuring out why he ghosted me 🙈…
On Sunday , he video called me & I looked awful 🙈
I had my daughters 18th the night b4 , actually hadn’t had a drink since my own bday in November, so was worse for wear to say the least , when he video called , I said I don’t want you to see me today , I look awful ..
I thought I had the camera covered ( very hungover ) & realised there I hadn’t !
He has never met me in real life , so I’m guessing he might have said to himself , so this is what she looks like really ..
I literally looked my worst !
Any video calls before , not that I’d ever be made up , but never looked liked I’d been dragged through the bushes either ffs 😂..
Oh well , still think if was geuine , he would have overlooked that if he actually liked me , & knew I wasn’t having a good day , so if that’s his reason he’s still a dick !

You’re 💯 correct pp , attractive single men can get younger women & lots my age also ..
Still though , it’s not all about looks , you have to have a connection also

Agree with this. If you are looking for an attractive AND well balanced guy in his 40’s, you have similar odds to the euromillions. Most guys who fit this bill got married years ago and will likely stay that way.

at this age, you are left with the good looking, messed up ones. And a huge number of weirdos.

you do get the occasional good guy, but they’re rare. My DP was just out of a LTR following his divorce. He is attractive to me and became so as I got to know him ( not OLD) but truthfully, if he’d turned up on my OLD profile I wouldn’t have matched with him.

I find so many men want to chat and message all day long, including those who work full-time! I won’t swap numbers any more for that reason. I just arrange a date on the app and only swap numbers after we have met and it’s gone ok. It’s just a waste of time otherwise.

So sorry you've experienced this. If you're in Ireland and he's a English man called Steve, you've had a very lucky escape! Fingers crossed you'll meet someone lovely soon! X

'OMG , I’m after figuring out why he ghosted me 🙈…
On Sunday , he video called me & I looked awful'

Don't make excuses for him !

he is not worth it.

and next time, you do know you do not have to accept a video call - you are not at some stranger's beck and call
if it's not convenient it is not convenient.

Hey 🙂..
Thankyou , no I am not at any strangers beck & call .. It wasn’t convenient, & i should have just hung up when I realised it wasn’t a normal call .
No he is not worth it , you know I’m ashamed to say I’ve been moping around all weekend over him 🙈 and we hadn’t even met ! , Foolishly thinking we had this connection cause we chatted so much on phone for hours on end .. As PPS have advised me , meet sooner rather than later , it’s true ..
On line is so fucking fake !
And also , to let me get ready , pick out a nice dress & then ghost me at 48 years of age ..
Yip , he’s a first class Dick ..
Thankfully , I’ve got a grip earlier today & there has been a lesson learnt..
Don’t be building connections with people on line , obviously a few conversations have to be had , arrange a coffee & see how that goes 🤷🏻‍♀️
And another thing , attractive, good job , sporty , never been married , has to be something wrong with him 😂