Struggling with the 1 to 2 kids jump

[Lonelyandsaddd]

Over a year on. Its been so tough since the start. My youngest is 18months now and I've pretty much been depressed since they arrived. He wont go to anyone else (apart from nursrry?) Constantly just wants me but then it's like evenings i can't go and do a hobby as I have to be in as he still wakes after bed time and screams for me. My eldest will go to grandparents for a sleepover and youngest wont so its over 18 months of broken sleep

Im drained I want more time alone with my eldest who's 3.5. And I just have so much guilt because he just gets on with things. Hes dealing with growing up and emotions etc and I feel like I've constantly got my youngest climbing all over me. I get minimal 1 to 1 time with my eldest and I feel horrible about it. Anytime I try to go without my youngest he just screams for me. Everyone is basically scared to have him alone

Does it get easier? I feel so drained and down

Do you have a DP ? If so they need to step up to deal with the youngest.

I’m sorry, I have no advice but I just wanted to say I’m in the thick of it too.

Currently at 9 months and life just feels impossible. I can’t shake my depression no matter how hard I try. I’m taking it out on my eldest (4) when he acts out, when in reality all he is doing is being a 4 year old. I feel like I’ve missed the final year with him before he starts school.

And to top it off, I feel like I’m the worst mum in the world because I see others loving every minute of having 2 kids and I wonder what am I doing wrong?!

You aren’t on your own xxx

Its so tough isn't it. Sending you lots of love. I feel like the worst mum ever too and I just dont know how to give 100% to 2. So exhausted❤️

I do. Its a tough situation. We're basically on the brink of divorce. Trying to rebuild and repair but its tough when I feel like im still the depressed. Version of myself and we dont have time alone.

He gets annoyed with me but then later apologises as he feels rejected and when youngest is crying constantly asking for me its tough.

It will get better as he gets older. I think it's sometimes easier (for me anyway) in this season just to let go of other expectations of yourself and do what you can, knowing it's temporary. If you feel like you really need the time to do your hobby, and his Dad is caring for him, then take the time for yourself if it will make you feel better overall and that will benefit your little one (a happy mum is much better for a child) But also, they do generally outgrow this stage of only wanting Mum, so if you just stick with it for a wee while longer he should outgrow it anyway.

Anytime I try to go without my youngest he just screams for me. Everyone is basically scared to have him alone

Whats the score with grandparents? I’d just start regularly leaving him with them if they will tolerate the upset. Regular, brief exposure (start with a couple of hours as often as they will facilitate) showing him that mummy always comes back should hopefully help settle him whilst giving you time with eldest.

He gets annoyed with me but then later apologises as he feels rejected and when youngest is crying constantly asking for me its tough

Your H needs to grow TF up and instead of feeling rejected due to his baby being, you know, A BABY, he should put on his grown up pants, load DS into the pram and take him out to give you a break/give you time with DC1, no matter how horrendous it is at first. As I’ve said on a different thread, when I went back to 12 hour shifts including weekends and nights, DH just had to get on with it.

I feel your pain, no advice but sending solidarity. I found the jump from 1 to 2 hectic but not too bad until my second hit 1 and she’s a very high needs toddler. It’s tough and I feel like I have little time for my eldest. We’ve recently had a third and my head is spinning. I run round like a headless chicken with no help from DH. The baby had CMPA so those first few months were rough and my mental health has taken a nosedive over the summer holidays having all 3 at home with me 24/7.

I just keep hoping it will get easier when my middle child outgrows this phase but it’s lasted 1.5 years so far!

Getting out with a friend for a meal and a glass of wine after bedtime is a lifesaver for me. I know you say your youngest wakes up but just once a month take that time for yourself and let DH deal with it. You matter too.

I’m in a very similar place but a month or two on. I try to remember when the eldest stopped certain things and would sleep over somewhere without me - it was definitely when he was 2 rather than 3, but I can’t pinpoint it exactly. I am living for that moment!
What I will say is that my youngest (nearly 20m) has had a bit of a leap recently and it’s made things just slightly better - quite a lot of speech and understanding, but crucially she will accept a ‘no’ to breastfeeding, being held on my hip etc, just for a few moments when I need to do something. And her sleep is better - went from 7.30pm to 2.30am the other night, which is a record. She was waking after an hour or two down at 18m, and then buggering about again in the early hours.
She was looked after by her granddad the other day, as I absolutely had to do something and DP was working, and to my great surprise she accepted a different caregiver for a good few hours with no issues.
I’m seeing just slightly more independent play, less insistence on being picked up, and less crying every week. It’s going to be a long road, but perhaps for you there is a bit of light around the corner?

Thanks for everyone I probably do just need to hang on there. The kids are both playing together a little now and I do find some ease in youngest catching up to eldest. At the playground they go round together (me supervising) etc. It is just i feel I cannot move except for work!!!

He loves the ladies at nursery he is so confident there and they chat away to me about it. Its just family? I dont get it but at least I can work without the pang in mt chest that hes crying for me