To start treating DH as he has been treating me?

[ZippidyDo]

Past two weeks or so DH has been “off” with me. Quiet, a bit snappy, walking out of a room when I walk into it etc etc! I’ve tried asking multiple times if there is a problem and he denies that there is one. Excuses include “it’s too hot” and “I’m just tired”.

Tonight I tried to have a joke with him and he got all sarcastic with me so I turned away and have just been on my phone ever since - one word answers, no making conversation … basically just treating him as he’s been treating me.

All of a sudden he’s going out of his way to be nice to he’s clearly noticed. AIBU to just carry it on now and see what happens? I know the sensible grown up thing to do would be to talk but I’ve been trying that for the past two weeks and I’m fed up of trying.

Our marriage is normally ok.

Anyone?

Seems fair enough to me 😀. Just a question of how long you wanna keep it going 🤔😀

I’ve been doing this for months and now we hardly talk.

You were totally legit to treat him the same as you to make a point. But now that it has worked, continuing it is just revenge and will cause reversal of him back to how he was only with the excuse that you do it too. So you would be unreasonable to continue. I think talking is a good idea. Do the adult thing.

Yeah I think it was a fair reaction from you to match his energy but I agree with *SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice *
that it's served it's purpose now and would probably be cutting off your nose to spite your face to continue. I would start a conversation now about why he's seemed so off lately and point out that him behaving like that makes you withdraw because you're confused by the way he's acting and unsure how to respond. Be clear that it feels very unfair for him to suddenly be so different around you with no explanation of why.

Don't fill the silence if it takes him a while to start talking and don't let him insult your intelligence by trying to say he's been fine/normal, I would tell him 'well if that's your normal I've seriously misjudged who you are and I'm not sure the real you is someone I want to be with' and I would mean it.

This is exactly the kind of behaviour I refuse to put up with, if there's a problem then tell me and give me the opportunity to fix it, don't just be obviously 'off' and expect me to fucking guess why!

I started to treat my DH the same way he was treating me, and he dumped me for it! There is obviously something going on with your DH and he needs to tell you. I don't know how you can make him open up though.

Something is clearly not right. Silly tit for tat won’t help. You need to sit down and talk.

How can we talk when he tells me nothing is wrong and I’m “being silly”?

Match his energy. If he's stayed nice, resume your usual self. If he's gone back to being terse, then match it.
I do get all the 'talk like an adult' stuff but also this is a particular thing done by men who want to punish you or make a point, with the aim of getting you to repeatedly ask what's wrong, so they can say 'nothing' and then when they eventually decide to talk, tell you all the things you've done and that have to change. Don't get into that.
If the above doesn't strike a chord with you, ignore my advice. If it does, then it's there.

You tell him if he won’t sit down and talk, it’s over. You can’t live like this. I would t tolerate such nonsense.

I don’t think the poster is referring to you as silly but more the approach to him now he is being ‘normal’ and that perhaps you should capitalise on it now he’s engaging and get a serious conversation going about wtf all that nonsense from him was about and it’s a toxic way of him dealing with whatever the root cause is .

Sorry I mean DH tells me I’m being silly, not the PP

? But he also said it is too hot and he is tired. You call them excuses but it is true that heat causes fatigue and irritable behaviour.

So you know what is “wrong”. Not everything has an emotional cause behind it.
Ofc he shouldn’t take out his irritation on you, so the talk should be about how to manage heat, fatigue, him feeling irritated and so on. Maybe when he feels he can’t be good company, he should retreat and reset his mood before being around you.

Ultimatums and threats are even worse nonsense.

Start talking to him normally and when your relationship is better initiate a conversation. Tell him stuff that's going on in your life, ask what's going on for him. See if he opens up. Bring up his behaviour and ask what's going on.

Sorry to say, but in my experience, there's only one reason a partner starts behaving like this, and it is because they want out.

Yeah it sounds like there’s something he’s not telling you. Is he stressed at work? Money worries or gambling addiction? Could he be seeing someone? Can you have a look at his phone? I know MN doesnt like that kind of snooping but there is a reason hes taking out his feelings on you and you need to find out what’s upsetting or annoying him.

Tit for tat isn’t ideal in grown adults.

I know youve been trying to talk but I’d keep trying as you need to get to the bottom of this or it will keep happening. I’d point out that hes gaslighting you about his behaviour and now somethings changed as hes different. It’s not your imagination. That’s not normal behaviour, hes not usually like this and what’s going on.