Hairdresser not listening to me!

[Willywonty]

So ive been going to this hairdresser for about a year. She's a very nice woman and I do like her, but she won't listen to what I say about how I like my hair.
She does my colour and cut about once every 8 to 10 weeks, so ive seen her about half a dozen times.
The trouble is, she seems to know how I want my hair, more than I do.
I have straight, shoulder length hair and the colour is a sort of dark blonde, with a bit of grey (I guess some would say mousey but I like it)
I have some long layers and dont like it too dark.
The second time she did it, it was too dark. The next time she put in 'face framing layers' (which I hate)
The most recent time she put red in the colour so my hair is darker and redder (red is lovely, but not on me)
When I got home and had a proper look at it, I was unhappy so rang her and she said it was just to 'brighten it up'
Heads up I dont want to go to her again, but ive got an appointment booked for 1st September. I will of course cancel, but do I lie and say ive had a 'family emergency' or some such nonsense or should I be honest?
And yes, I do have a tendency to overthink things!
Thanks in advance.

Just text her now and cancel, then don't re-book.
You could explain, but it's a waste of time if you're not going back.
Find somewhere/someone else who listens to your opinion.
(Similar probs with my hairdresser, so DH chops about 4 inches off mine when it gets too long now!)
Good luck. 🤞

I do think that (some) hairdressers stop listening when they are familiar with your hair. I’m feeling something very similar just now.

Just cancel and don't rebook. You don't need to explain why, but it's fine to make up an excuse if you're more comfortable doing that.

Why have you carried on going to her for a year if she doesn't do what you ask? Did you ask for face framing layers? Did you ask to go red? How can she be doing this and you are just nodding along and then returning to her??

Definitely cancel, make up an excuse if it makes you feel better.

Time to trial new hairdressers, it can take a few attempts to find the right one for you.

Just find a different hairdresser. I find it helps to be very certain what you want and say it very explicitly. Don’t give any room for interpretation.

Just cancel, don't give a reason: 'I can't come now on that day.'
I'm still trying to find a decent hairdresser who doesn't retire or go off to have a baby. I thought I'd found one but they made a complete mess of my hair to the extent I thought I was going to need to cut it all off and get a wig instead.

I’ve had two excellent hairdressers over the years. We moved, so too far away for regular visits for one. The other, the absolute best, left suddenly to go travelling, came back to a town about 90 minutes away, made a name for himself doing hair for TV and teaching and has a closed book now.

I think I’ve tried most establishments locally and further afield. The search continues.

Cancel and go somewhere else.

I find taking pictures of what I want works best.

This. ^ I don't understand. Do you sleep whilst she does your hair and wake up to an awful surprise?

Sorry, its cancelling an appointment, not negotiating world peace.
Text,
sorry Julie, can't make the 1st sept. I'll be in touch.
There, nothing more to say or do.
Find a new hairdresser, but you also need to learn to advocate for yourself.

Why wouldn’t you just be honest?

”I’m tired of you not doing what I ask you to do so I’m going somewhere else.”

Simple.

I think it also depends on their mood on the day. Plus when you try a new hairdresser they always make their best effort the first time so you'll return. I went to one once who originally didn't take enough off although I had stated that I didn't want to be scalped. I asked for a little more to be taken off. Then she scalped me! Most awful haircut ever although everyone else liked it. I never went back.
In your situation I would be honest and give your reason for not returning

This - it's a non issue. You shoukd have told her exactly what you wanted though and been clear it was non negotiable.

To be fair I just say to my hairdresser, just do what you think it needs and let her be the boss but she always does a fantastic job.

For context I don’t have a hairdresser, I go to wherever has spaces when I’m free and allows me to book online so I may just not understand the relationship here, but why did you keep going to a hairdresser that didn’t listen to what you wanted and did whatever they wanted?

Surely halfway through the first appt you knew it wasn’t right and never should have made a second appt.

Just cancel, no reason needed and book somewhere else.

I say to mine, do what you need to do, cover the greys and make me look younger and fabulous, she laughs and tells me she's a hairdresser not a bloody miracle worker hahaha.

Thanhs to everyone who responded. For clarity, I am very clear about what I want- and it’s not much. And, I know it’s not world peace, but I struggle with anxiety and self confidence so I often second guess myself and am not always good about exiting less than good situations.
Those that were a little bit gas- lighty and harsh-not everyone has your confidence, hence the reason I asked on Mumsnet.

So true. I've just ditched my hairdresser of three years after my last visit when he appeared to be listening to what I said I wanted then carried on doing what he wanted/was easiest for him. I wear glasses so couldn't see properly what was happening and it wasn't until I got home I could see how little he had done. And yes, he didn't show me the back with a mirror.

I understand. You're ok, lots of people find it hard breaking off even impersonal relationships.

You don't have to be honest. You can just cancel. Polite is all that's needed.

Good luck finding someone else!

Cancel and tell her that you obviously don’t work well together as stylist and client - despite you expressing as clearly as you possibly can what you want, she doesn’t seem to understand and is not able to do it.

No one was gas - lighty!

Well I would have to disagree. I understand that some people would find my lack of confidence irritating. However, asking me;
-Why I keep going back-don’t know, she’s nice and I keep hoping it’ll get better. But now I realise it has to stop
-Am I asleep when she does my hair? Silly
-It’s not world peace. And I need to advocate for myself. I agree. But I’m anxious and lack self confidence.
-Why can’t I be honest- see above
-It’s a non issue. But it’s an issue for me.

Being unnecessarily critical and trivialising thoughts and behaviour is what can constitute gaslighting. However your remark denies what I think and what I feel- and that’s classic gaslighting.

That’s a stretch!

However your remark denies what I think and what I feel- and that’s classic gaslighting.

No, it’s not. We’re pointing out the obvious that you could change it if you wanted to.

I have no idea what whatever you think/feel has to do with it. What do you think she is going to do if you politely tell her that you’re not happy?

To be fair I have told her, politely, when she’s done something I wasn’t happy with and she’s complied. Maybe that’s the reason I kept going back. I think I’ve treated failing relationships the same-keep hoping they’ll get better. I did at least find a decent partner, now I just need to find a new hairdresser. 🤔