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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To offer job to this teen over husbands teen?

31 replies

ATheory7 · 15/08/2025 18:49

I own a business that I started about 10 years ago. We employ a couple of people now and things are going well.

For a while 16yo DSC has been coming in on a Saturday when he needs money. It's not a set job, it's just when he wants some money for something. He works ok but can sometimes be a bit mopey after a late night or somewhere else he'd rather be.

Someone I vaguely know from the town we live contacted me a while back and asked if her son could come in for a few days as he is very interested in the work we do. He was fab, took a real keen interest which is not seen often in this work.

I want to offer him the opportunity to come in on a Saturday (paid) which is something he asked about, but I wouldn't have enough work for both him and DSS when he chooses to come in.

DH thinks I'd be unreasonable to "choose" this teen over my own DSS to give a job to but I disagree. DSS isn't interested in the work, he just uses it as a way to get some money when he needs it whereas the other local teen is very keen and wants to study this sort of thing at college and uni.

AIBU to give the Saturday work to the one who seems more keen and doesn't just see it as a bank top up when their pocket money runs out?

OP posts:
HappySummerDays · 15/08/2025 18:50

Yanbu.

shellyleppard · 15/08/2025 18:51

I would give the job to the one who is actually interested in it

PullTheBricksDown · 15/08/2025 18:53

If stepchild only does it on occasion when wanting cash, is it necessary a problem? You said new teen is keen to do 'a few days' so can't you tell stepchild you are sorted till end of September, for example, and after that they could do some hours again?

OhMyGollyGoshGosh · 15/08/2025 18:54

If he works ok, there's absolutely nothing wrong with him seeing it as a bank top up when he needs to earn money.

This is why employment agencies exist.

Original poster
ATheory7 · 15/08/2025 18:55

PullTheBricksDown · 15/08/2025 18:53

If stepchild only does it on occasion when wanting cash, is it necessary a problem? You said new teen is keen to do 'a few days' so can't you tell stepchild you are sorted till end of September, for example, and after that they could do some hours again?

New teen already did a few days experience and on the back of this has asked if they can start to work on Saturdays if I have the need. Which is what DSS usually does (occasionally).

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 15/08/2025 18:57

If it's not a set job for your DSS but you need someone regularly then no harm giving this other person a paid trial - say until they go back to school/college. Just be open with your DSS about it so that they don't have the expectation that they can just drop in when their funds are running low. There is also nothing to prohibit your DSS from finding another role - I worked in a newsagency part time when I was in my last year of school and into sixth form. It can be good to have an experience of NOT working with family, but having exposure to the wider world...

Original poster
ATheory7 · 15/08/2025 18:58

OhMyGollyGoshGosh · 15/08/2025 18:54

If he works ok, there's absolutely nothing wrong with him seeing it as a bank top up when he needs to earn money.

This is why employment agencies exist.

No and I've been happy for him to do so, but now I have someone who is keen and wants to work and learn so it wouldn't be fair for me to say you can have a job, oh unless DSS decides the day before that he needs some money then you can't come in that day...

OP posts:
Saz12 · 15/08/2025 18:59

If you need someone every Saturday, but DSS only wants a few hours here and there, I can't see a dilemma! DSS wouldn't want every Saturday anyway?

But yes, give the job to the one who's keenest/ best at it.

itsgettingweird · 15/08/2025 19:00

Can’t you just ask DSS if he wants regular work and if he says no explain you’ll be taking someone in regularly and you can’t guarantee as many hours for him.

That way it’s his choice. But I’d certainly be offering to family first as he’s had that role first.

Spirallingdownwards · 15/08/2025 19:00

You are under no obligation to give DSC a job when there is a better candidate for the job. Let DH employ his kid!

mumofoneAloneandwell · 15/08/2025 19:00

How often is dss doing the work?

Do you have a good relationship otherwise, or a strained one which might make this more hurtful than it sounds?

If no, I dont think yabu tbh, if he's working one saturday every few months.

I would break it to step son carefully, and maybe see if you can help him look for other Saturday jobs that might interest him more, so he knows its not a punishment kind of thing

I think it sounds kind of you to offer experience to this other kid as well x

Edit - maybe see if he would want and be committed to the job permenantly first, seeing as he is family?

mumofoneAloneandwell · 15/08/2025 19:01

itsgettingweird · 15/08/2025 19:00

Can’t you just ask DSS if he wants regular work and if he says no explain you’ll be taking someone in regularly and you can’t guarantee as many hours for him.

That way it’s his choice. But I’d certainly be offering to family first as he’s had that role first.

Agree with this actually

Wishihadanalgorithm · 15/08/2025 19:01

I think I’d say I don’t want to mix business with family as it muddies the water. You need someone on a permanent basis and you have someone perfect. SS hasn’t shown the same enthusiasm for the role so rather than be the person nagging at him you’d rather employ someone unrelated.

Original poster
ATheory7 · 15/08/2025 19:01

It's not necessarily that I NEED someone every Saturday. I could manage without either. But I do have work they can do and if it sparks a young person's interest in this line of work I am happy to offer them a weekend position.

DH thinks that is unfair because in his words "if anyone is going to benefit it should be your SS".

OP posts:
Pineapplewaves · 15/08/2025 19:03

Can your DH come up with other ways for his DS to earn some cash, on the occasions that he wants some - washing the car, additional chores around the house etc. If it were any other job, his DS would have to turn up for work every week without fail. It sounds like his DS already has enough money from his parents and doesn’t actually need any extra most of the time.

pinkyredrose · 15/08/2025 19:05

Why does your DH think you're unreasonable? Stepson needs to find another job if he needs money instead of the easy option of asking you.

Original poster
ATheory7 · 15/08/2025 19:05

Yes he does get a decent allowance each month. This has more just become a thing if there is something he wants to save for or if he needs extra. I don't and haven't minded that. But it's not because he has any interest in the work. So it just feels a bit mean to not offer the opportunity to someone who is really keen.

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 15/08/2025 19:07

ATheory7 · 15/08/2025 19:01

It's not necessarily that I NEED someone every Saturday. I could manage without either. But I do have work they can do and if it sparks a young person's interest in this line of work I am happy to offer them a weekend position.

DH thinks that is unfair because in his words "if anyone is going to benefit it should be your SS".

The other boy will benefit more. You didn't set up your business to benefit your husbands kid ffs.

PhilippaGeorgiou · 15/08/2025 19:08

It's really simple, although your DH won't see it. You have some work. You run a business. Which EMPLOYEE will be the best fit for your business? That is what employers do. They do what meets their needs best.

What did your DH do? Is he a manager? Did he employ people because he knows them, or because they'd be the best person for the job?

caringcarer · 15/08/2025 19:12

Your business you choos who to employ.

MrsTigerface · 15/08/2025 19:14

I think it’s been very kind of you up until now to allow your DSS to come in as and when he pleases, at short notice, when he needs money. However, with a really keen youngster who would commit to every Saturday on the cards, I know what I’d do…!

It’s great to help family, and you’ve been doing that. But it’s your business, and it’s perfectly OK for you to explain to DSS that you need a much more regular Saturday helper and that you have found one and so won’t need his occasional help from now on. I do think this would do him good. He’s not too young to learn that the world of work doesn’t jump to his tune, with him turning up as as when it suits.

Hatty65 · 15/08/2025 19:18

I think it's an ideal age for DSS to learn that people who are keen, interested and put a lot of effort in get employed over those who reluctantly turn up and mope about in a slightly half arsed fashion.

A valuable life lesson that will benefit him in future employment.

Cucy · 15/08/2025 19:20

How occasionally does DSS do it?

I would absolutely hire my own child over a stranger, however it depends on how much they wanted to do it/how much I need them.

What would happen if DH said he either does every Saturday or none?

I assume he’d not want to do every Saturday and therefore you can use that as a good excuse.

Vaxtable · 15/08/2025 19:20

YANBU. You are running a business which I assume supports the household

if DSS wanted a job he should have done better. Now his father can help him find a job in some area he wants to do, or give him the money rather than you

kim204 · 15/08/2025 19:27

Could they not both just do alternate weeks?

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