Partner and PTSD

[TipsyPlumUser]

I have PTSD and yet my partner acts surprised every time something triggers me. I know I have some quirky ways but I’ve never hidden them, I’m trying to get help and I try really hard to be kind and not bother anyone else.

When I’m in the middle of being triggered, my partner keep asking about why I’m triggered, where does it come from etc. I’ll ask him to stop and say either we’ve already talked about this a lot, or I’ll get to the point where I’ll keep repeating ‘please stop’ but he just keeps talking. Then when I’m at the point of maxed out emotionally, he’ll apologise and expect me to accept it there and then.

I’m particularly upset that when I ask him if his kids could respect my space/ boundaries, he’ll act like I’ve either attacked them or that it’s a challenge I need to overcome. To be clear, I’ll take him aside and just say can they please not do x or y, I don’t raise my voice and always apologise.

For example, while camping, I have other health conditions I don’t want to discuss with his kids (late teens) so I asked if he could stop his older teens just going in to our tent. He said no, we’re basically mum and dad on this trip and he’s uncomfortable making them feel snubbed.

I asked him if his kids could perhaps clean up after themselves. He had a go at me and said he’s had to redo the washing up at times when my daughter does it.

I am a complete germophobe and yet he lets his kids in to my wash bag, taking things out they need etc. apparently I have to understand I packed for everyone.

When I said to him how I feel he says ‘I’ve never known you were like this’ then talked loudly for the rest of the campsites benefit that all he does it try to get everything right and he can’t always be perfect.

i don’t know what to do. I’m actually at my wits end as it gets like this every trip. He is always bending over backwards for his kids yet has emotional relationship with them and looks to me to be that. I find it so hard to be while I’m unsupported in what I need.

For info, I have children too so I get the gig, it’s just they’re away with their dad this weekend.

That's the thing, it IS defined by the event, violence, violent death and threat of violent death. It was for decades, another medical condition who's definition has become so diluted to be no longer a term you can use for communication.

PTSD was suffered by "shell shocked" soldiers, not by people who have been afforded medical care and attention because of a natural illness.

As I have said, I have had both, Cancer and cancer treatment, and situations involving violence, witnessing violent death and the threat of violent death. There is no comparison.

I have spoken to hundreds of people with cancer, and also to many with PTSD in its original definition. I don't think any would disagree with me.

If you think being given medical care and attention for a natural disease gives you PTSD, then what are you going to call it when someone has PTSD due to sudden violence/violent death/threat of violent death?

We have lost the distinction between "upsetting" and "traumatic".

I did once say the word "traumatic" in the hearing of a nurse on the chemo ward, and she expressed surprise and disappointment that I felt that way. I didn't feel that way - the word simply a crossword clue! cancer and cancer treatment is upsetting and unpleasant, but also an amazing, life giving opportunity for which most people feel immense gratitude.

I have more than cancer going on to cause PTSD. I just don’t want to put it on here. Hopefully we can leave that alone now.

This!! Totally agree with you. So fed up of upsetting life events being classed as PTSD. There’s a massive difference.