Ex demonising me at pick ups

[BaaBaaStripySheep]

Ex picked our children up earlier and as we are still in the early stages of our separation it is still very raw and painful.

Today he came into my house and loudly kept saying how this isn’t right and kept saying “you’ve done this.” “You’ve done this” (I was the one who ended the marriage and moved out. I told him to please don’t demonise me in front of the children and our oldest smiled and said “oh I’ve heard everything!”

It’s such a terrible, messy situation but made much worse by my ex talking like that in front of the children.

AIBU in that he should keep his thoughts to himself when they are in earshot? Or tell me himself when it’s just the two of us? I’m being made out to be a villain by him even though I left due to his behaviour towards me.

They do this as a way to belittle you. My ex still does it through our adult daughters 16 years in. It’s boring.
I stopped acknowledging it, just used to nod which drive him mad 😂

Good for you that you have stopped acknowledging it! Yes the more I react the more I feed him. I completely understand his being upset. I find it very upsetting too but I could easily point the finger at him as I left due to his shitty behaviour towards me, not because I was bored etc.

Is there any possibility of an intermediary to help with handovers ? It’s so hard , but your children will soon learn . Good luck, you’ll be right soon enough.

Why is he coming into your house?

You don’t have to let him into your home. He can wait outside and the children can just exit when ready. All you need to do is acknowledge that he has arrived and they will be out in a minute.

you could even arrange to meet him somewhere in public for exchange, though he could being late to punish you more easily in that scenario.

We’ve been attempting to remain on good terms so I had a cup of tea in his house the other day and a chat about the children and today I offered him a coffee in mine as a quick 5 minute catch up. But it’s making things worse it seems.

I think him just waiting in the car would be better. We are planning on taking more just the two us when they are back in school. But his reaction just now spoiled what was a lovely day where the children were very happy and relaxed. It ended on a sour note unfortunately

I do understand that emotions are running high, I’ve been upset too and have had to go into another room as I was upset but it’s another thing to loudly state how this is all my fault in front of the children?

I would tell him that since he can't control himself in front of the children, he will need to wait in the car at drop off as he has upset the children. Don't invite him in to your house again. Maybe he'll learn that his actions have consequences.

I think it's admirable that you want to keep things as amicable as possible for the children, but remember you left because of his behaviour and he will probably continue to be nasty. Don't take abuse from him and keep firm boundaries. Your children will benefit from seeing you standing up for yourself and not allowing him to treat you badly.

@BaaBaaStripySheep what the hell is he doing in your house??? he can collect at the garden gate. dont put up with his shit!! if he starts on you in the street, with neighbours watching, call the police!!