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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To yearn for previous area?

6 replies

Frazzledbynine · 15/08/2025 13:15

NC

We moved house and county a couple of years ago. It wouldn't have been our first choice of house but very little of anything suitable was coming on the market and we'd already got a buyer. it's a decent enough house, definitely the best available at that time in our price range, and in a nice quiet area.

For the first five or six months I just wanted to go back 'home'. I kept reminding myself of the main reason we moved, to be nearer family and just decided to give it time. Meanwhile we had the whole house painted and started to do more with it and to start working on the garden. I recently started to feel better about it and thought I'd settled in at last.

But recently we had to pay a visit to our old area and it just made me want to move back there again! I felt sad when we drove away to come back here, particularly we had to pass our old house on the way. It's hard to explain but somehow this feels temporary and always has. It was never meant to be our forever home/last move, and it was a bit of a try and see sort situation.

We have been able to have more to do the family but still not massively so. But the children definitely know us better now and we are closer to them and very fond of them. I know we would still make the effort to see them and take them out if we moved back as it's only a thirty minute drive.

When we initially decided to move I was excited and looking forward to having a bigger house as our other house was a small mews. But as the process was going on I had a few wobbles and had been in tears, not wanting to move, telling DH we should just not go ahead with it, that we could still move to a bigger house but stay in the same area.

Then one night I had a dream and it made me feel better about it all and I completely changed over night and felt it was the right thing to do.

But now here we are. DH is fine about going back but says he'd rather not go and live in the same area, but would live a few miles on. But I know, ideally he doesn't want to move for at least another three years or so.

I don't know what I'm asking really! Has anyone else experienced this? Will this feeling wear off and will I eventually feel I am settled here and in the right place?

Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
Original poster
Frazzledbynine · 15/08/2025 14:47

Anyone? :)

OP posts:
MuckFusk · 15/08/2025 15:55

Frazzledbynine · 15/08/2025 13:15

NC

We moved house and county a couple of years ago. It wouldn't have been our first choice of house but very little of anything suitable was coming on the market and we'd already got a buyer. it's a decent enough house, definitely the best available at that time in our price range, and in a nice quiet area.

For the first five or six months I just wanted to go back 'home'. I kept reminding myself of the main reason we moved, to be nearer family and just decided to give it time. Meanwhile we had the whole house painted and started to do more with it and to start working on the garden. I recently started to feel better about it and thought I'd settled in at last.

But recently we had to pay a visit to our old area and it just made me want to move back there again! I felt sad when we drove away to come back here, particularly we had to pass our old house on the way. It's hard to explain but somehow this feels temporary and always has. It was never meant to be our forever home/last move, and it was a bit of a try and see sort situation.

We have been able to have more to do the family but still not massively so. But the children definitely know us better now and we are closer to them and very fond of them. I know we would still make the effort to see them and take them out if we moved back as it's only a thirty minute drive.

When we initially decided to move I was excited and looking forward to having a bigger house as our other house was a small mews. But as the process was going on I had a few wobbles and had been in tears, not wanting to move, telling DH we should just not go ahead with it, that we could still move to a bigger house but stay in the same area.

Then one night I had a dream and it made me feel better about it all and I completely changed over night and felt it was the right thing to do.

But now here we are. DH is fine about going back but says he'd rather not go and live in the same area, but would live a few miles on. But I know, ideally he doesn't want to move for at least another three years or so.

I don't know what I'm asking really! Has anyone else experienced this? Will this feeling wear off and will I eventually feel I am settled here and in the right place?

Thanks for reading.

From my experience I would say give it more time, customize the house to your taste as much as possible, and get to know the people in the area. You might meet some lovely people, which will definitely help. I do understand how you feel and have been there.
I felt the way you do about a former house I loved, in a village which felt like home to me. It's more than ten years on and I still have a bit of a pang when I think of it. My beloved dog had passed on there and it kind of felt like I was leaving her behind. I'm sure it's imaginary, but I felt she was still there in spirit. Also, my daughter's closest friend, who I adored, had died during the time we lived there. All our treasured memories of happier days with her and with my dog were tied to that house and I had to leave all that behind. It hurt and I bawled like a baby the day we left. The worst part of it was that I only left because my husband said he needed to be closer to work and it turned out it was actually to be closer to opportunities to go drinking and to cheat on me. So I lost my beloved house with all those memories, then I had to leave the house that we bought to replace it in order to leave the bastard. I was, however, happy to leave the horrible memories in that house behind, but it was a lot of upheaval.

Currently I am facing possibly having to leave another house and area I love because I've realized the house really is too small. I thought I could live with it, but there's nowhere to put things, so there's stuff just sitting on the floor and every closet is jam packed. The clutter is starting to drive me crazy. But I am very fond of the house, as it represents my freedom from the asshole husband and I have customized it to my taste. I'm also attached to the area, which is gorgeous, and I like the people I've met here. I've never had nicer neighbours. I know that if I leave those feelings will fade as well, and that I can still keep in touch with the friends I made, but it's still going to be hard. So I'm determined not to settle for an area I'm not sure about. A house can be altered to suit, but the area can't. I have found a beautiful town which I instantly fell in love with and I'm just waiting for something I can afford to come on the market.

Sorry I couldn't be more optimistic for you, but this is just my experience, whereas you may find you don't regret it anymore as the years go by. Or perhaps you will, so as you say, you can move back to the old area in a few years. That's not so long. Just try to enjoy the new area for what it has to offer in the meantime.

Original poster
Frazzledbynine · 15/08/2025 16:41

MuckFusk, thank you so much for taking the time to reply and sharing your experience. I'm so sorry you had to go through so much with your ex husband but happy you're now well rid of him! I can relate to so much of what you've said. I also cried on the moving day - in fact I lay curled up on the bedroom floor dramatic effect while I was at it!😂

I also lost my precious cats while I was there and have thought the very same thing about leaving them behind. Of course, we know our pets will be drawn to wherever we are by the love we have for them in our hearts, but these thoughts still occur.

You're right about the area being more important than the house and the value of good neighbours around you. We had lovely people there and very nice decent people here so I consider myself lucky for that as have had some awful experiences in the past.

Your last paragraph, about waiting just a few more years, echoes my thinking this morning. The urge to start looking for a house back over there is strong but I really need to remind myself, what is a few more years really? It will fly just as fast as the last two years. The children I mentioned are at that age now where there's really only a few years in it before they're off more with their friends and doing their own thing rather than us taking them somewhere or coming to ours for tea. They grow up so fast.

It's not even as if it's an unpleasant place to live, far from it. In fact, an objective analysis would show that our current location is actually preferable to the other one in many ways. But as we know, it's not just about pros and cons and tick boxes! But who knows, after a few more years, I actually may feel more at home here. I know that's what DH is hoping, anyway!

Good luck with your search for your new home in the new town, and may you enjoy many years of happiness there when you find it.🏡

OP posts:
MuckFusk · 15/08/2025 22:44

Frazzledbynine · 15/08/2025 16:41

MuckFusk, thank you so much for taking the time to reply and sharing your experience. I'm so sorry you had to go through so much with your ex husband but happy you're now well rid of him! I can relate to so much of what you've said. I also cried on the moving day - in fact I lay curled up on the bedroom floor dramatic effect while I was at it!😂

I also lost my precious cats while I was there and have thought the very same thing about leaving them behind. Of course, we know our pets will be drawn to wherever we are by the love we have for them in our hearts, but these thoughts still occur.

You're right about the area being more important than the house and the value of good neighbours around you. We had lovely people there and very nice decent people here so I consider myself lucky for that as have had some awful experiences in the past.

Your last paragraph, about waiting just a few more years, echoes my thinking this morning. The urge to start looking for a house back over there is strong but I really need to remind myself, what is a few more years really? It will fly just as fast as the last two years. The children I mentioned are at that age now where there's really only a few years in it before they're off more with their friends and doing their own thing rather than us taking them somewhere or coming to ours for tea. They grow up so fast.

It's not even as if it's an unpleasant place to live, far from it. In fact, an objective analysis would show that our current location is actually preferable to the other one in many ways. But as we know, it's not just about pros and cons and tick boxes! But who knows, after a few more years, I actually may feel more at home here. I know that's what DH is hoping, anyway!

Good luck with your search for your new home in the new town, and may you enjoy many years of happiness there when you find it.🏡

Thank you for your kindness. You are right that loving a house or an area is not really an objective thing. You just feel something, a sense of belonging perhaps, and a peaceful feeling, and often you can't explain why that particular house or that particular town feels that way to you. I hope that either the next few years fly by or that you settle in and learn to love your new place. 🩷

MamaElephantMama · 15/08/2025 22:48

We moved approximately 18 months ago and want to move back to our old area. While I don’t think it will happen in the next couple of years it’s definitely a hope we have for 3-5 years time.

We moved for the perfect house and the extra space but it hasn’t ended up being the sort of area we had thought we were getting.

Fidgety31 · 15/08/2025 23:14

I moved to a new area 7 years ago and the urge to go back home has never left me … in fact it got worse and I intend to move back as soon as realistically possible .
sometimes you just don’t settle . The house is irrelevant really if it doesn’t feel like home .

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