My DP and female married gym friend

[Pinkpetals895]

Some of you may remember a previous post of mine. My partner was very close with a married woman at his group gym sessions, neither me or her husband were comfortable with the friendship. There was a lot of hiding messages, telling me they stopped all contact when they hadn’t, and from her end messages I personally found a bit off from someone who was married…
It all came to a blow when I found out at 12 weeks pregnant in fact all contact hadn’t been cut, and they were still speaking at group events. I confronted her and gave my partner an ultimatum. My partner off his own back said he would join another gym, I didn’t want to be the person he would resent in the future for that decision so just asked that he swap gym groups which he did.

Fast forward a little bit and now we have a newborn. He is struggling to get to the new class he is attending as it’s so early in the morning and we’ve got broken sleep. I am well aware fitness is a big contribution to positive mental health and I can see him being unable to make the sessions plus the struggles of a newborn is taking its toll.

I feel terrible as although it was his fault, he is not longer able to go to later sessions and number of other friends go to those. Am I being unreasonable by keeping to our agreement of the new sessions, or should I drop it and he return to his old sessions.

He crossed lines and there are consequences for that. He’ll just have to live with them if he wants to keep his family.

Having to attend the early sessions is the consequence of his developing an inappropriate relationship with another woman. That's on him. Maybe he should try another gym where he could attend later sessions?

He crossed lines, he needs to accept the consequences. He could join a different gym- I think that would have been the right thing to have done in the first place

Keeping him out of particular gym sessions is like a row boat in a hurricane. If he wants to be in touch with her he will. Or there will be someone else.

Don’t feel guilty. He made his bed and he has to lie in it. Consequences. If he goes back to the old gym then he will slip back into this secret relationship. Probably more so now he can escape family life with a newborn. I would even say buy home equipment before encouraging him to go back there.

Consequences of his own actions and its natural to have to change your life slightly after a new born.

The other option is moving to a new gym and having a later session.

But you have nothing, to be guilty about.

Is it the fitness that is impacting on his mental health or is it the loss of validation and thrill from not seeing his emotional affair partner?

Too bad. He broke your trust and that is the consequence.

I do agree with this. His mental health will get just as much benefit from putting his newborn baby in a pram and going for a good walk in the fresh air (also giving you some time) until you are all in more of a routine.

Obviously if he’s going to cheat, he’s going to cheat, but a lack of acceptance that his life has now changed is a high indicator of quite how likely it is that he will. For those inclined to cheat, this is going to be prime time, if he is a manchild who is going to rail against attention turning from him.

You might as well have a conversation with him along those lines, then let him make his choices based on that information and see how it plays out.

Sorry just to add to this…
This happened around December time and we have been in a much better place, the trust is not completely rebuilt but we are back on track and things haven’t gone backwards. I think most posters echo my thoughts I just needed a bit of reassurance I wasn’t being a cow.
I don’t have any bad gut feelings anymore or just off feelings, and feel way less anxious than I had previously.
Although not actual cheating and from his side the messages were just friendly, I found the sneakiness of everything so disrespectful and concerning. As people have said I think if your family and keeping it is important you wouldn’t risk it at all.

There are plenty of gyms, he doesn’t have to go to this particular one. Find ones with classes around the time he used to go and encourage to swap memberships

Don’t feel guilty for anything OP ..
Your husband should actually join another gym , why does he have to have friends with him at gym ?
Join a gym where time suits him ..
I know poster’s will say if he is going to have an affair he will have an affair , I myself believe these things happen sometimes due to opportunity ..
You don’t want him around this woman & her husband doesn’t want him around his wife !
💯 join another gym .
Truth be told I’m sure there are obviously other people we would all click with & find attractive apart from our partners/ husbands, just we’re not getting into situations where things like this can develop…
The two of them shouldn’t be around one another , end of story …