I feel DH is trying to create a lot of special moments with the DC in a way that deliberately excludes me. For example, before they can talk, working hard to get them to say 'Daddy' first, doing lots of firsts with them now, lots of dramatic/big treats when I'm not around, and taking big decisions relating to their health and education and taking action on them without discussing with me, despite knowing, obviously, that I'd want to be involved.
Am I just being selfish? Should I just be glad he's spending so much time with them, is taking on so much of the load, and is a good father?
Our relationship isn't in the best place and he's often irritable, almost sour with me, but with the children he's great, a completely different person. With the kids we've sort of fallen into a situation where I'm the boring one and he's the fun one. And then it feels like he's slowly but quite forcefully trying to push me to the sidelines.
The latest is he's told people, including members of my family, there's a baby on the way, when we had agreed not to tell anyone yet. When I try to pick him up on it, he just says it doesn't matter and I'm making a big fuss, when I say it matters to me and I wanted to tell my own mother, he just says if I wanted to tell her first I should have just told her. He says I'm whining and looking for things to be annoyed about. I think the fact he's so dismissive means he's not going to do anything differently in the future, that's the most frustrating part. But should I just accept this? Am I being egotistical and selfish?
And then, despite the conversation where I explained how I felt that he'd told my family, today while I was in work, he's told the children they're getting a sibling. To me, even without the previous conversation this is something we should have told them together after talking it through as a couple, which we admittedly hadn't got round to doing. But it's yet another thing where I feel I'm excluded from something where I should have been right at the centre, not having my children tell me when I get home that they're having a brother or sister. He says get over it, someone had to tell them, etc. Am I unreasonable to be upset about this?