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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is he just not into me?

22 replies

Emma84882 · 14/08/2025 22:25

Would welcome any advice please. Not the most confident around men. Met a guy online, who seemed lovely. We have been on five dates. On our last date, I told him that I had come off online dating as I wanted to see where things went with us, his response was simply ‘Ok’. It sounds a bit nuts, but I checked the next day to see if his profile was still active and it is. I appreciate there is no obligation for him to take his profile down, but we have spent a fair amount of time together. I also asked if he would fancy coming to my house for dinner this weekend, which he has agreed to, but as he is busy with work, he was going to text and let me know which night might work. I have heard nothing. I know I could text, but I don’t want to look needy or pushy (neither of us are big texters, but I was hoping to hear from him). Is he just not really that interested in me? Any advice welcome please

OP posts:

ForZanyAquaViewer · 14/08/2025 22:26

I’d just leave the ball in his court and get on with your life, tbh.

User37482 · 14/08/2025 22:28

Yeah, in my experience men (not with OLD though) who are really keen show it. Not necessarily by taking a profile down but locking down a date and making sure you are exclusive etc. I would probably back off this one OP. If he’s not responded to an invite to your house then just don’t pursue it but also make your own plans if he doesn’t bother responding. Don’t text him, you won’t feel good about chasing him up.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 14/08/2025 22:41

I think he wasnt where you were when you said you wanted to focus on him

Its okay, you didnt do anything wrong, but its too much for him

Dont message anymore, let him come to you. If you donr hear from him over the weekend, get yourself back on old and chalk him up to experience xx

LoveSoftAsAnEasyChair · 14/08/2025 22:53

OP.. you say you’ve had five dates with this guy.
you then say you invited him to your home for dinner..
Please please be careful about giving folk your address, or where you work etc too soon.

I get what you’re saying about a lack of confidence, but you parting with personal info like that, so soon after meeting, might give off signals that the wrong guy, could easily take advantage of…
…….also the right guy wouldn’t expect you to divulge sensitive details.,, he’d wait til you were properly confidant and ready.

Do take care of you….

MamaElephantMama · 14/08/2025 22:54

I would leave him to contact you. By date five you shouldn’t have to wonder if they are going to be in touch or not.

Shayisgreat · 14/08/2025 22:59

I agree with other pps - leave it to him to contact you now.

DustlandFairytaleBeginning · 14/08/2025 23:06

He sounds like he's on his way out to be honest. The only way you get a relationship from here would be to wait to see if he contacts you. I've had similar things limp along a few months sometimes but it doesn't sound like he's excited about this, which ideally you'd want them to be!

YetanotherNC25 · 14/08/2025 23:08

If he was interested in you, you’d know.
Sadly it’s fizzled out for him and he’s looking elsewhere. Move on and find someone better for you.

Endofyear · 14/08/2025 23:22

Yes, it sounds like he's just not that into you. It's good that you've found out now so you don't waste any more time on him. In my experience, if a man is really interested he will let you know with his actions and words - there won't be mixed messages or lack of contact. Don't text him & get back on the dating apps!

JMSA · 14/08/2025 23:49

I would let it lie too, OP. Whatever happens, the ball is in his court now.

mondaytosunday · 15/08/2025 00:10

You should not have removed yourself until you’d discussed it with him - it’s akin to an exclusivity talk isn’t it? It seems you jumped the gun.
If he wanted to be with you he would. Sorry but he’s just not that into you.

dontcryformeargentina · 15/08/2025 00:24

You are too keen for him. Reinstate your dating profile and keep your options open

brightandbeautiful89 · 15/08/2025 00:24

When did he say he would let you know about dinner? If it was yesterday and you haven’t heard I think that would be ok but if it was a week ago it wouldn’t. What is he like in general? Maybe he is not much of a planner? Agree that you shouldnt wait around for him though, maybe get back on the apps just in case

namechangedforvalidreasons · 15/08/2025 01:35

Is that whole ‘if he wanted to, he would’ thing. I would leave it up to him now. You’ve said how you feel and while he’s not obliged to feel the same, it’s only manners to tell you if he’s coming for his dinner or not. I think after five dates asking someone round for dinner is a normal enough thing to do. The fact he hasn’t firmed it up suggests he’s keeping his options open. Up to you if you want to be a option.

PyongyangKipperbang · 15/08/2025 02:15

He's a player. Always looking for the better offer.

My ex was the same. Wanted to chase the better option but keep the ex (exes in his case) on the back burner.

Chuck this one back, you can do better.

ETA
Read "Why men love bitches". Basically its about how to not be the nice girl who gives too much to get very little back.

MamaElephantMama · 16/08/2025 07:07

Has he been in touch to make plans?

MuffinsAreJustCakesAtBreakfast · 16/08/2025 07:18

I think you jumped the gun by telling him youre foresaking all others five dates in.

That would make me back away, too. It's all a bit too intense too quick.

Sorry. But you asked.

Jasnah · 16/08/2025 08:42

We paused our profiles after date 1 (in fact, he was the first to do so), and fully deleted them by date 3. We were both very clear that if our date turned into anything it would be exclusive from the off before we met, so the question didn't need to be asked.

If you're already holding back on what you want to say or do in case you push him away, he is not the right one for you. You shouldn't have to change a thing about you to please a man.

If a man is interested in you, he will very clearly show it and there will be no doubt.

SitOnHisFaceIfHeDiesHeDies · 16/08/2025 08:47

This is why I won't do online dating anymore. If you met a man under normal circumstances ie your neighbour or a work colleague and you really liked him and spent quality time with him five times would you really put up with him seeing other women too? The rules of online dating absolutely suck balls.

After five dates if he's not talking exclusively seeing each other I'd bin it but don't throw a strop and block him like everyone says to on here because you'll just look like a twat. You only need to block if he starts harassing you, which he won't because sorry he's not bothered.

Onwards and upwards

Gowlett · 16/08/2025 08:52

Saying you’re not online anymore.
Inviting him over for dinner.

Happened to me when I invited a guy to my best friend’s wedding after 3 months.
Also when I baked a guy a nice cake.

But with the right guy, none of this BS applied…

DaisyChain505 · 16/08/2025 09:05

If he wanted to reply he would. If he wanted to come to yours for dinner, he would.

No response is a response.

WasThatACorner · 16/08/2025 09:10

He's not interested but doesn't want the stress of a conversation to end it, he's going to let it fizzle.

Bullet dodged for you TBH

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