Ok, first holiday with sister, her kids and my partner and kids. All the kids are teens, 3 girls / 1 boy. Boy has just turned 13.
Love my sis and she’s had a hard time in recent years, practically parenting solo as ex-partner is useless and unreliable.
Sister works very hard to keep roof over their heads with little to no financial support.
In the last couple of years I’ve noticed a tendency for her son to be very belligerent and if I’m being polite ‘very high maintenance’ . The way he speaks to my sister is hugely disrespectful and he has no manners at all (head on table in restaurant, moaning because restaurant had sold out of pizza, does not help with communal tasks like setting table / clearing away etc.) - tonight he didn’t come to dinner after being asked and then kicked off because there was no food for him 2 hours later.
i think part of it is his age, he’s incredibly socially awkward, part of it is my sister allows him to do it because she’s a soft touch and thinks it’s easier to cave-in but a massive part of it is his dad was a controlling, coercive twat and I think he’s speaking to my sister like his dad used to .
i don’t think it does him any good in the long run if no-one pulls him up on his behaviour.
We have a few days left to go and I’m torn between having a quiet word with her or having a word with him or just leaving it as no good will come of it if I do speak up .
YABU - leave it , no good will come of it
YANBU - have a word (but with her / him / both?)