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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be involved in toddler disputes?

32 replies

CoteDAzur · 29/05/2008 18:24

DD (2.9) is very gentle. Caresses other children, cries her eyes out when they push or hit her. Which is all part of growing up. I never got involved in any of it.

However, over the last year or so, two boys (separately) have started consistently picking on her. By 'picking on', I mean that they wait until mums look away, run to her and push her to the ground or hit her. She does nothing but cry.

Today, one of these boys again came to her when DD had her back to him and pushed her so that she hit the wooden chair in front of her and would fall if I hadn't caught her.

With a smile on his face, he was on the way back to his mum when I got up, dragged him over to crying DD, came down to their level, and said "What you did was not good. Apologize to her."

He was so stunned he couldn't move nor talk. I said "You will never do that again" and he only nodded. His mum came at that point and said "Her mum is right" and the boy started to cry.

I'm not proud that I made a 3 year old cry today, but frankly, I'm done pretending this repeated bullying is OK.

AIBU?

OP posts:
littlelapin · 29/05/2008 18:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kayzisexpecting · 29/05/2008 18:29

No way are you BU!

You did the right thing.

Alambil · 29/05/2008 18:31

You aren't being unreasonable - I'm glad the mum didn't lay into you!

beansmum · 29/05/2008 18:31

I'm not sure about dragging him over to your dd, but YANBU in telling him off.

Slubberdegullion · 29/05/2008 18:32

I think you were right, apart from the dragging bit. Not that I would mind someone dragging my DC about a bit (if I knew them well) but other mothers might react differently to someone touching their child in that sort of situation.

I have shouted at a little boy for exactly the same reason as you for repeat pushing offences, although I used the N (naughty) word. Shock.

His mother backed me up, and he never did it again.

kneedeepinthedirtylaundry · 29/05/2008 18:35

Also agree. But if the mum knew you were right, did she notice what he had done? If so, why didn't she do something about it herself?

littlelapin · 29/05/2008 18:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

beansmum · 29/05/2008 18:40

Actually, thinking about it some more, I wouldn't drag my own ds about. So I do think dragging someone elses ds around is a wee bit unreasonable. You were definitely right to get involved though, it wasn't the first time it had happened and his behaviour was totally unacceptable.

Slubberdegullion · 29/05/2008 18:41

beansmum I don't drag either. I firmly walk

Slubberdegullion · 29/05/2008 18:42

or is that walk firmly? Shit there's a pedant on this thread and I am splitting my infinitives.

AbbeyA · 29/05/2008 18:45

You did the right thing-someone needed to tell him that it was unacceptable.

Original poster
CoteDAzur · 29/05/2008 19:09

Well, I held his arm and pulled him for all of three steps. It wasn't gentle, but he wasn't rolling on the floor all bloody, so maybe no, it wasn't really 'dragging'.

He did look properly scared, though.

OP posts:
Romy7 · 29/05/2008 19:12

not in a hector and chariot way? prob ok then!

beansmum · 29/05/2008 19:20

I would be really really extremely pissed off if someone did that to my ds.

eddiejo · 29/05/2008 19:22

I think you did the best thing (but thank God she supported you!!)

Original poster
CoteDAzur · 29/05/2008 19:23

How pissed off would you be if a stronger & older child repeatedly hurt your DS that not only left him traumatised & scared of other children but also left bruises the side of your foot on various parts of his body?

OP posts:
eddiejo · 29/05/2008 19:25

What? more info please. SOunds pretty horrific.

Original poster
CoteDAzur · 29/05/2008 19:26

To be fair, his mum is always quick to tell him off after such an episode, but he just keeps grinning. Hopefully he will now feel that DD won't be the only one crying if he hurts her again, and will stop bullying her.

OP posts:
LittleMissTickles · 29/05/2008 19:28

YANBU, but next time I think you should call his mummy over rather than pull him to your DD.

eddiejo · 29/05/2008 19:29

I think I would have gone flippin mad. Think you were quite restrained given whats gone on. So what if he was bloody scared. He has terrified your DD. YANBU at all.

Original poster
CoteDAzur · 29/05/2008 19:30

DD was late to walk and even when she did, she couldn't get up on her own from sitting for another six months. So she was a sitting duck for this kid, who took visible pleasure in coming up to her, snatching things from her, pushing her flat on her face, running into her, hitting her, and pushing her against hard objects. On many occasions, these left serious bruises on her.

I'm not saying this boy is evil, just that he is doing it because he can. His mum has always told him off, apologized in DD's general direction (and to me), all of which is great but of no effect.

OP posts:
eddiejo · 29/05/2008 19:32

Then the whole situation should be dealt with. His mother needs to address it properly and sanction him or something.

hatrick · 29/05/2008 19:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

beansmum · 29/05/2008 19:34

Oh I would be pissed off obviously. And I would probably lose it slightly and shout at him, make him apologize and mention it to his mum if she hadn't already noticed. I just think grabbing his arm and pulling him along was taking it a bit too far.

Twiglett · 29/05/2008 19:37

I think you did completely the right thing (particularly now you've explained the dragging as marching him over).. and I wouldn't think twice about it to be honest .. I have never met any parent in real life who actually objects to their child being told off by another parent as normally a different voice cuts through where a parent's won't...