To feel DH is being ungrateful or spoilt

[ChipzAreDown]

My mum downsized her house 2 years ago to get some money together to give me to me and my husband so we could buy a house, It's not massive or fancy, but far, far nicer than we could afford by ourselves. We have a house not a flat now.

My DH complains about the house quite a lot. Just small daily things - garden is a mess, you can hear neighbours, the large trees in the garden because the block the sun. He talks about moving a fair bit. Today - he said he was overwhelmed because the house was too big when he ws trying to tidy up & that he would far prefer a small house.

I snapped at him and said 'first world problems eh?' and now he's in a sulk

I guess my annoyance comes from the fact that my mum sacrifieced a lot to allow us to buy a house - she put in £000.

Am I being unreasonable by being annoyed? CLearly he is allowed to slag off the house or anything. I don't want him to feel he cant' say stuff because my mum bought it for us. But also - it just feels quite annoying to hear him complain about our home.

What do you think?

Was he involved in buying the house? Lots of the things he’s complaining about he would have known about before moving in.

He doesn't appreciate the gift of a fucking house.

She downsized so you two could own and he trash talks the home he agreed to.

You married an unappreciative asshole.

He’s being very ungrateful. Sort the garden, trim the tree, don’t make so much of a mess. Everyone can hear their neighbours unless you live in the middle of the countryside. Is he masking another issue?

Why didn't he say anything when buying the house?

i'm not too bothered about him not saying things originally. i mean - lots of people buy houses and then find things that annoy us i guess. my annoyance i think really comes from the fact that he had zero savings when we met and then my mum did everything she could to pull together serious cash to get us our own home. and i jsut feel it's ridiculous complaing the house is too big.

You and your husband chose the house correct? Your mother didn't buy you a house, she gave you money so that you could buy a house?

Was he not part of the decision making process? I'm assuming that he was and therefore he needs to just hush and clean up the garden if he doesn't like it.

I'm maybe going to ve controversial here, but... your mum gave you the gift of a house - not necessarily this house. Very few people stay in one house forever - most people find things they don't like and move on. It seems like your husband has got to the point where he doesn't enjoy living in this house anymore and wants to move on. That doesn't mean he isn't grateful of the gift to help you buy a house.

I'd also add that I assume your mum didn't buy the house outright, and that you and your husband are still paying monthly towards the house? If that's the case I get even more why he'd be fed up of paying towards a house he doesn't like any more if there are other options.

how much did he had to do with the house choice?

"my annoyance i think really comes from the fact that he had zero savings when we met and then my mum did everything she could to pull together serious cash to get us our own home. "

Uh oh.

I presume that OP's mum didn't choose the house and that OP and her DH did. If he thought that the house was too big, he should have said something at the time.

If they've been in the house for two years, the garden being a mess will be down to them.

OP's mum didn't have the cash for their deposit lying around in her bank account. She went to all the trouble and hassle of moving somewhere smaller so that she could gift a lot of money to her daughter and son in law. He sounds like an ungrateful twat to me.

It depends. Did you choose the house? I would choose a much smaller property than I can actually afford because I cba with the maintenance of a big property. I honestly don’t think he’s being ungrateful about the money I think he just doesn’t like the house. Those are two separate things. I’ve been really grateful for gifts but not much liked the gifts themselves iyswim.

Even if the money to buy a home came from my family I would still want both of us to be happy in a home we bought together. Once the money is in the joint pot it’s in the joint pot. I would maybe have a slight edge in deciding but it would still be very much joint decision making because thats what I would expect if it were the other way round.

I'm not sure if his ego is dented because your DM bought the house or if he's just entitled, I think it's a combination of the two. He had no savings so no chance of buying a house but he's still ungrateful?

Why on earth did you allow your mother to do this? For someone who had zero to contribute. And will get half of it. I would never do something as terrible to my mother.

This.