AIBU?

7 replies

bosslady89 · 14/08/2025 19:46

I had a TFMR our son wasn’t going to survive at all. Me and my partner went to his funeral on Tuesday was so beautiful but heartbreaking. We didn’t want anybody else to attend because he was our baby I was 22 weeks pregnant at the time. I decided for me not to give birth because of my mental health I wouldn’t cope. So had surgical removal.
My partner said to me yesterday he wanted to get a little tattoo to remember him by. I thought it was sweet.
my MIL then decided because my partner said he was that she was going to get a tattoo of my sons name. I’m fuming. Partner said it was weird but it’s her body but wtf she never carried him it wasn’t her son. She has loads of grandchildren and not 1 of them she got tattoo’d.
we told her it was his funeral on Tuesday and sent her pics of his coffin etc and she rang my partner who was sobbing & basically said ‘oh his ash’s are lovely’ 😐 👀
she then messages me that evening saying ‘it’s been alot for you I know you had to pick up his ash’s today’ it was his funeral 😐 then again today my partner told her he’s ready to be collected (his ash’s) so we’re doing that tomorrow … ‘oh I thought you did that on Tuesday’. She’s just winding me up.
she’s abit of an attention seeker tbh and I’m not happy with her getting a tattoo of my baby for attention.

OP posts:

bridgetreilly · 14/08/2025 19:52

Ignore her. Remember your own precious boy as you want to and do not let her get in the way of that at all. Your DH can talk to her and he doesn’t need to tell you what she’s saying. You don’t need to give her any headspace at all.

Original poster

bosslady89 · 14/08/2025 20:44

bridgetreilly · 14/08/2025 19:52

Thank you. Xx

OP posts:

lunar1 · 14/08/2025 20:47

It doesn’t feel it now, but in years time, it may make you think fondly that she carries his name.

Original poster

bosslady89 · 14/08/2025 21:58

lunar1 · 14/08/2025 20:47

It doesn’t feel it now, but in years time, it may make you think fondly that she carries his name.

Nah I don’t think I will tbh. It’s weird nobody knew him .. I carried him.
if my mum did the same I’d be going mad x

OP posts:

HerecomesMargo · 14/08/2025 22:22

This is the perfect time to call her out on it and have your say. No one goes against a grieving mother. She’s being sly and awful and saying nothing leaves you with resentment.

So sorry
for your loss.

Endofyear · 14/08/2025 22:27

Tell her how you feel. You're allowed to feel uncomfortable with her getting a tattoo of your baby's name and you're allowed to tell her that. He will always be your baby and a part of you, you carried him and loved him beyond measure. Sending you a hug and so so sorry for the loss of your precious little one 💐

HelloGreen · 14/08/2025 22:30

Ultimately you’re his mum and nothing will take that away. Nothing will change that fact. You’re the one he knew and loved, and you’re the one who knew and loved him. But it’s nice he has other people who wanted to know and love him too.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

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