Have you been on holiday this summer?

WickedElpheba · 2025-08-14T17:23:09+00:00

I'm probably being unreasonable but I find it so annoying to be asked this. A colleague I haven't spoken to for ages has messaged asking how I am and if I've been on any holidays after listing all the places she's been on the past few months. No I haven't been on holiday this summer as I've been dealing with some shit as she well knows and is why we haven't seen each other for a while so why ask this?! I have had holidays this year but we are a couple that doesn't go away much which she also knows. It's as if she doesn't have anything to say in which care why text me?! I don't feel like replying just to say "no we haven't been on any holidays as we've been dealing with xyz but your holidays doing lovely thanks for sharing"

DiligentStrawberry · 14/08/2025 18:25

Er, yeah YABU. Very.

She is Making Small Talk. It’s just a way of reaching out to acquaintances and connecting. You are very angry about something - but to take it out on this conversation opener is just disproportionate.

MamaElephantMama · 14/08/2025 18:27

We haven’t been on holiday this summer for similar reasons but people still love to tell me to book a last minute deal. I admit a holiday would have been a nice distraction but other things took over.

Original poster

WickedElpheba · 14/08/2025 18:27

I think I am being unreasonable but it's more specifically because of the situation and she knows I haven't been on holiday. I get that she probably doesn't have anything else to say. I just don't know how to respond without sounding negative.

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Coffeeishot · 14/08/2025 18:30

She is just asking after you that's all did you tell her no because of x y z ? We have been away for a few days @ going abroad in the Autumn.

Alltheoldpaintings · 14/08/2025 18:35

Good grief. Maybe the stress of whatever you’re dealing with is making you irrationally grumpy. This is a totally normal question, and you are likely to be asked by lots of people. When the kids go back to school i will probably be asked that by every teacher and every parent at drop off, just pick a standard reply and trot it out.

tartyflette · 14/08/2025 18:39

God, I'd be completely silent at the hairdressers if we couldn't have a decent conversation about holidays (going, already been, this year, next year etc etc.)
Still, I suppose there's always the heatwave...

Muchtoomuchtodo · 14/08/2025 18:39

No, we’ve not been anywhere this summer. When people ask, I just say ‘no, not this year’ and leave it at that.

RaininSummer · 14/08/2025 18:41

Not this year or any other for about 25 years but don't mind being asked.

ComtesseDeSpair · 14/08/2025 18:59

It clearly seems like a tough question to be asked when whatever you’ve had going on in your life is forefront - I hope that begins to get easier soon. But if you haven’t spoken “for ages” then she logically doesn’t know that you haven’t been on holiday. She might recall when you last spoke you telling her about the issues you were working through, but she probably hasn’t remembered the full details or concluded they’d mean you couldn’t book anything last minute if you wanted to.

It’s just catchup talk and it’s also sort of an open question: there’s always the option to respond “no, too much going on, but we’ve had a few nice day trips to X, Y, and Z” or “not this year, but we’re thinking of freehiking the Congo Basin in our sand shoes next year so are saving up and researching for that” or whatever.

Clafoutie · 14/08/2025 19:01

People seem to be overlooking the fact that this other person knows the OP hasn’t been on holiday, and the difficult reasons why not, so it is pretty obtuse, is it not, of her to ask? There’s small talk and then there’s somehow forgetting something you already know. So she’s either insensitive or forgetful.

ComtesseDeSpair · 14/08/2025 19:13

It's as if she doesn't have anything to say in which care why text me?!

To add, rather than think “why bother texting in the first place?”, think of it as that something has made her think about you, despite “only” being a colleague and that you haven’t been in touch in a while, and it must have been a nice thought, and because she quite likes you, which made her want to get in touch and find out how you are. It might not be the most scintillating chat in the world, but this is someone who is basically just saying “I thought of you, and will message to catch up.”

AhBiscuits · 14/08/2025 19:16

It's bog standard small talk. yabu.
The friend knows she's been dealing with shit, not that she hasn't been on holiday.

Original poster

WickedElpheba · 14/08/2025 20:30

ComtesseDeSpair · 14/08/2025 18:59

It clearly seems like a tough question to be asked when whatever you’ve had going on in your life is forefront - I hope that begins to get easier soon. But if you haven’t spoken “for ages” then she logically doesn’t know that you haven’t been on holiday. She might recall when you last spoke you telling her about the issues you were working through, but she probably hasn’t remembered the full details or concluded they’d mean you couldn’t book anything last minute if you wanted to.

It’s just catchup talk and it’s also sort of an open question: there’s always the option to respond “no, too much going on, but we’ve had a few nice day trips to X, Y, and Z” or “not this year, but we’re thinking of freehiking the Congo Basin in our sand shoes next year so are saving up and researching for that” or whatever.

Edited

She works with me and knows I've been off sick for 2 months so seemed an odd question to ask.

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Original poster

WickedElpheba · 14/08/2025 20:33

Clafoutie · 14/08/2025 19:01

People seem to be overlooking the fact that this other person knows the OP hasn’t been on holiday, and the difficult reasons why not, so it is pretty obtuse, is it not, of her to ask? There’s small talk and then there’s somehow forgetting something you already know. So she’s either insensitive or forgetful.

Thank you, yes that's it. We work in the same team and they all know I'm off work on sick due to personal issues so she should know I haven't been on holiday. I wouldn't resent that particular question as part of a conversation but it's something about trotting out where's she's been and asking me if I've been on holiday when it would be a bit odd for me to have been on holiday when I'm off sick. I think that's why it annoyed me, because my response would be well no...

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MamaElephantMama · 14/08/2025 23:00

Is it possible she is doing some digging to see how you’re spending your sick leave or is she really a genuine work friend that is simply checking in?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 15/08/2025 06:36

If she doesn’t know why you’re off sick then she might think a holiday would do you good. Eg if you’re off with stress a week by the seaside or in the Cotswolds might be good for healing. I think ‘ah I wish have been feeling too ill, thank you for checking in though’ is enough

Original poster

WickedElpheba · 23/08/2025 16:38

MamaElephantMama · 14/08/2025 23:00

Is it possible she is doing some digging to see how you’re spending your sick leave or is she really a genuine work friend that is simply checking in?

Yes it is and I was possibly being grumpy as I was unwell and a bit down!

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