Am I weird to send this message?

[Unhappilymarriedd]

Ex sis in law’s dog has died I haven’t spoke to her in 3 years (messy separation) but I’m a dog person and I can’t help but feel sad about it! DH says I shouldn’t be messaging her as BIL has a new life now and new partner and that i have no loyalty to anyone.

How do you know?

Yes.

Yeah if I was her I’d find that really weird.

If you haven’t actively fallen out with her then sure, why not. I had some messages from people I’d not seen in years when my dog died- actually more so than when my father or best friend died. I appreciated them. Losing your dog is very painful.

Why weird? OP hasn't divorced BIL, and is sending condolences to exSIL because she sympathises. Sounds a lovely thing to do and I imagine exSIL will appreciate it.

I wouldn’t. It could open the door to a messy situation. I understand wanting to though.

Do you know because you saw it on social media where you still follow her? Not weird

If you heard via someone else and haven't spoken to ExSIL for years and would be texting her on a number she might not expect you to still have. Bit weird

No MIL told us not social media

If she didn't put it on SM then maybe not. She might not appreciate her mum telling people her business. but if you're already on eachother's SM and she posted about it there, then yes, it's fine.

This was why I asked how you knew. If it was say a fB post leaving a comment would be okay... But I agree don't if you know from mil

I am a dog person and have recently lost an elderly dog so I appreciate where you are coming from. However if you haven't been in touch for 3 years, then personally I would leave it.

Yes that would be odd, and a little grief vulture-ish.

You haven't felt the need to be in contact for 3 years but now you feel sad about something tragic happening to her, and want to get in contact to make yourself feel better.

And how does MIL know?

I wouldn't message her if I was you.

You haven't spoken for 3 years so yes I'd think you were weird to message out of the blue!

I think it leans towards Virtue Signalling - see what a lovely person I am...... "I love dogs so sympathise tremendously that your ddog has died, poor you"

Leave it alone.

If someone hadn't spoken to me for three years, I'd think they were being a bit strange to contact me about the death of my dog, which I hadn't even told them about in the first place.

Good lord no!

Seeing as you haven't bothered with her the past 3 years, yep, I think it's weird and inappropriate for you to msg her.

Yes, it's weird. Just don't.

Yes it's weird. It's making it about you rather than her grief.