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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Difficult new manager

9 replies

bananacake7 · 14/08/2025 07:56

My previous boss was fantastic - warm, kind and always giving out praise when people did well. She would thank us for getting through busy periods (sometimes by taking the team out for drinks or bringing in homemade cakes as a thank you) and would regularly pass on good feedback about her staff to her own very senior manager. I felt safe to try new things at work and go outside my comfort zone because she was honest if things weren’t working but always in a kind way. It all made for a wonderful working environment where I felt happy and supported.

Sadly she left earlier this year and I now have a new manager that I’m struggling with. I find her quite intimidating, standoffish and not easy to approach. She is hard to talk to - she makes no effort at reciprocating small talk when you’re in a lift together for example. She never asks about holidays, my kids, anything.

She also never gives out praise, ever - even when I’ve gone above and beyond. A few months ago we had a very important event coming up and I worked some extra hours on a few evenings as unpaid overtime. I love the company and wanted everything to go perfectly. When I mentioned I had done this, thinking she’d be pleased, she essentially told me off, saying I should have spoken to her about it first. I’m sure my face crumpled when she said this, but she didn’t seem to care.

Things go well 99% of the time but when I or others have made mistakes, she is very critical, to the point where I’ve come to really fear getting things wrong. I dread the inevitable email with a telling off appearing in my inbox. Ironically this has made me more prone to making mistakes because I’m constantly on edge.

I feel like the whole culture has changed overnight and whilst I still love the role itself and the company as a whole - so really want to stay - I don’t enjoy working with my manager.

AIBU to think that for managers, praising your staff and making an effort with them is important? And WWYD in my situation?

OP posts:
HelplessSoul · 14/08/2025 08:18

Easy solution.

Work to rule. Dont go beyond.

Your manager is a cunt and will trip up with that sort of shitty behaviour.

Dangermoo · 14/08/2025 08:19

You viewed your former boss as a friend - there's your problem for setting that high benchmark. A good boss gives praise but also remains impartial with how they treat their reportees.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 14/08/2025 08:27

Dangermoo · 14/08/2025 08:19

You viewed your former boss as a friend - there's your problem for setting that high benchmark. A good boss gives praise but also remains impartial with how they treat their reportees.

My old boss is still a friend. And she was an amazing boss.

Dangermoo · 14/08/2025 08:33

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 14/08/2025 08:27

My old boss is still a friend. And she was an amazing boss.

Bosses, who socialise with their employees, are particularly unprofessional - just my opinion. I've worked for training providers, who consider their business as a family - it always leads to favouritism.

needsalotterywin · 14/08/2025 08:39

I sympathise OP, I was in a very similar situation in my last job. My first manager was great, left us to get on with things as he trusted our work ethic and ability but was always there if we needed him. The Company them employed a new guy and after only a few months, he became our managers manager (if that makes sense!) This meant he took up residence in our office and changed the whole dynamic. He was an absolute cockwomble, constantly micro-managing and brown-nosing the big bosses. He was also a bully - one one occasion, taking me out of the office for "a chat" as I'd slammed the office door (I did, but by accident) and wouldn't let me go until I'd given him a reason as to why I was "upset" which eventually had me in tears. The final straw was when a small oversight on my part (that simply needed a short conversation to rectify) led to a "Personal Improvement Plan" being written up for me. I handed in my notice and left a month later. I was gutted as everyone else in the office was fantastic and they gave me a lovely send off. Twat face was nowhere to be seen during my last couple of days!
I hope things get better for you - I agree with the other poster who suggested just working to rule, if she can't treat you with decency, don't go above and beyond for her. Best of luck x

toomuchfaff · 14/08/2025 09:20

People leave due to bad managers.. if the new manager is that much of a clash, you may have to shift left, leave or learn to adapt. 1 of 3 choices.

wizzywig · 14/08/2025 09:23

@needsalotterywin I think he has moved into my office!

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 14/08/2025 09:28

Dangermoo · 14/08/2025 08:33

Bosses, who socialise with their employees, are particularly unprofessional - just my opinion. I've worked for training providers, who consider their business as a family - it always leads to favouritism.

Most people were friends with their boss where l worked.

My boss was consistently identified as an inspirational boss. There was no favouritism.

needsalotterywin · 14/08/2025 09:49

@wizzywig You have my most genuine sympathy :-( x

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