To think “be kind” culture has made people weaker?

[SnarkyTaupeBee]

There’s so much emphasis on being “kind” and avoiding offence. But AIBU to think it’s producing people who are fragile, thin-skinned and unable to handle disagreement?

Nothing encapsulates Mumsnet more than the mortal offence taken by some posters at the idea that they should be kind.

Perfectly put

I think it’s possible to be kind but also strong, practical, no-nonsense etc. They aren’t mutually exclusive.

On a personal level, I dislike ‘be kind’ as it can encourage people to be doormats in an attempt not to offend anyone - I prefer ‘don’t be a dick’ myself - but I think most people actually mean ‘be aware of others and show them consideration’, and honestly that’s the least we can do for other people.

As @OtterlyMadsays, you can strong and practical, but still show consideration for others - you don’t have to agree with them, just don’t be a dick about it.

I don't think being kind equates to being weak. Showing compassion and understanding to someone's life situation or position is a sign of strength.

If we're taking about the social media label we often see, let's face it, being offended is an Internet phenomena, as is constantly being outraged.

What I object to most about the 'be kind' thing is that mostly it is women expected to be (more) kind to others. Where are all the men who are adopting 'be kind'? I don't see them

'Be kind' means shut up and don't question.

Do you think it would be better if we started expecting men to be kind, rather than for women to sack the concept of kindness off completely?

Is it too much to ask that people don't behave like shits. Why should people be "thick skinned" because other gobby people are rude and insulting?

There's a difference between having a discussion or difference of opinion and a slanging match

Oh give over. That’s not what op means. They are not advocating for cruelty or unkindness. But the mantra of ‘be kind’ is too often used to mean ‘shut the fuck up and agree with me.’

Exactly, “be kind” seems to land mostly on women’s shoulders, while men often get a pass. Funny how equality stops there.

The problem I see with "Be Kind" is the places it's used.

On Fb it tends to be used by people who are not kind, but trying to persuade you that they are.

On MN it tends to be used to shut people down who are criticising (normally) a woman who has done something that it's fair enough to criticise them for.

I never thought 'be kind' meant not giving offence! It means bear in mind that people may be struggling with life, and treat them accordingly. It doesn't mean avoiding the truth. Before you speak ( or write) you should think, Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? However, then we might get very short threads on mumsnet, but we wouldn't be weaker!

And yet “be kind” often gets used to shut down even polite disagreement. Disagreement isn’t the same as abuse but some people treat them as identical, and that’s the fragility I’m talking about.

Which isn't what you said in your title or op at all. You said people are weaker for it. Personally I'm as strong as I was when it was considered acceptable to tell racist and exist jokes at work. Probably by people smoking inside too, so at least my lungs are now stronger. Don't see any issues with stopping talking before being an arsehole.

Quite. I think some Mumsnetters like to use the "be kind has gone too far" argument as an excuse to behave hideously on here - and in ways I think they never would IRL.

But there is plenty of abuse on here.

somehow I doubt pistonheads is awash with men urging each other to be kind. As PP said it's usually used as a shorthand for shut up woman/women

be fair better than be kind

@Rockhopper81I much prefer “don’t be a dick”.

I despise the term be kind. I was presented with a list of things I must do as a 14 year old to BE KIND towards my abuser (by a SW). It is a way of shutting people up who are trying to speak out, especially girls and women. I go with being reasonable and polite when necessary in my life. The be kind brigade are some of the nastiest individuals and bullies I have had the misfortune to meet. It is about the social mask of virtue signaling.

Disagreeing with a stranger online or even in real life is not necessarily abuse. Abuse and trauma are over used words that diminish actual abuse and trauma that individuals have actually experienced.

I associate the be kind movement with telling women to shut up too. Possibly it was pushed very heavily with TWAW so anyone who didn’t agree was worthy of abuse due to their failure to be kind. Apparently at the Edinburgh book festival the staff set up a safe space as they were”terrified” by the presence of the deputy first minister. She is 5 2” and not prone to violence as am assuming this is because she has voiced unkind opinions.

I have zero tolerance for the faux terrified / I felt unsafe because someone doesn’t share your opinions. I do wonder why be kind doesn’t seem to apply universally in a sort of multilateral mutual respect.

I much prefer don’t be a dick.

Completely agree. Didn't say any different.

There is still some disgusting behaviour on here and at times people are using abusive language. There is very often a gleefulness and clear pleasure posters take in leaping to tell others how wrong they are, how awful their parenting is, how awful their children are (saw one poster's kid being repeatedly described as a little/piece of shit by posters today and last week someone happily saying they would beat the shit out of a child!) - they take a very obvious pleasure in being nasty.