How should life be at 50?

[Picle]

Recently just turned 50 and wondering how my life should look according to MN. I am married, no DC, working part time, financially secure, have pets. Nice car and home, imo anyway.

Downsides - very few friends, live 3 hours away from family and hometown. Overweight but working on it. No self esteem because of a lifetime of being bullied. Am told I am almost too nice.

How do you think things should be at my age?

I think this is a very dangerous post to put out there @Picle it will just breed dissatisfaction.

This is AIBU, as in "Am I being unreasonable", where people post dilemnas. Forgetting the fact that this isn't really in that category, it's also a forum where people can be very punchy with their responses and not necessarily that considerate.

As a result I'm just advising that perhaps you are opening up a can of worms - some people will come on here and boast of their four DCs and their six holidays a year, but it could be complete fiction. Others will tell you their children are at Russell Group universities and they're prepping for early retirement, but you don't see any of the other unhappiness or dissatisfaction under the surface.

You're where you're meant to be right now. If there are things you want to improve (weight?) then that's open to you to reach for.

I don’t think there’s any “should”, everyone’s life is different.

What’s stopping you joining a walking group/gym to help get fit and make friends at the same time?

I think keeping fit and active is really important at this age, and most of my friends do make the effort. It would also help your self esteem massively!

Things should be how you want them to be as much as you can manage to achieve. What are your goals? Where do you want to be at this stage in your life?
You have a lot of great things going for you. Congrats on that. There are some things you want to change, so you need to work on your self esteem and making friends. You're already working on your weight. It sucks to be that far away from family, but it sounds like it's still doable by train or car. Are you dating? Is that something you'd like to be doing?

Sounds like you're doing really well! 🙂

There's no "should" about it - the only thing you should be doing is not making anyone else's life worse. Which I'm sure you're not. Everything else is just choice, luck, circumstance, personality - life's rich tapestry etc.

I'd say it's not great to have zero self esteem and to be a people pleaser at 50

I'd organise therapy if I were you

Nothing wrong with taking stock and evaluating.

it will depend on your own values.

what is improtant to you? Health? Family? No stress?

what makes you happy? Travel? fun with friends?

what makes you feel accomplished? A phd? gardening? Just making it through the day without shouting at someone?

what do you want? A partner? A bigger house? Children?

what are your darkest worries? Dying alone?

write these things down and you’ll likely know what your next steps are.

sounds like you are doing pretty well though.

Could you work on getting more friends if it’s important to you?

Everyone’s life and circumstances are different so there is no set way your life should be at any age although you would hope at 50 most people would be more financially secure than they were at a younger age but unfortunately this is not the case for everybody

I wonder what her husband would think about her dating.

There is no ‘should’.

However you bloody want it to OP. You are in control of your life, live it in a way you like.

I read it as unmarried for some reason. Maybe it was because she seems content. 😄

Why have you spent a lifetime being bullied - who is bullying you and why are you putting up with it?

You only work part time - what are you doing the rest of the time?

You are clearly a people pleaser - what have you done to address this?

Where does your husband fit into all this?

Lots of questions……. which you should work on with a therapist.

It sounds like you have a lovely life OP and living the dream to be financially secure and working part time. Friends and fitness could come together (eg join the leisure centre), do some volunteering, join a class. The world is your oyster

OP I think everyone's life is different and I never see the point of comparing yourself to others and thinking that there is only one template that you need to follow.

I changed so many things in my life when I was about 50: moved from London to a small seaside town, got rid of any toxic people in my life, took up some new types of physical exercise (pilates, running).

Frankly I feel like my life is still a work in progress and I am learning new things and life lessons everyday still.

OP I think you need to ask yourself what you would like your life to be like.

You’re comfortable financially so I’d say it sounds like you need to get out and have more fun. You know that 50 is no age? You don’t have to slow down or anything!
Travel, hike, weekends away, days out, events, whatever floats your boat! Not forgetting spending time with your loved ones.

Well... you "should" be happy. Most people deserve to be happy.
At 50 or any age.
What makes you happy, you can figure it out, and the picture could be different from what makes other people happy, too.

Assuming your happiness isn't at expense of anyone else's happiness, I must add.

If you’re happy then who cares! I’ve just turned 50 and similar to you. Just had an internal hissy fit trying to find something different to wear as nothing fits me now but whilst I’d like to lose weight, I’m not doing anything about it so my fault but I’m relatively happy.

Everyone’s life is so different!! There literally is no ‘should!’