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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wwyd? How do you know what's the right life choices?

19 replies

Ohwhatswrong · 13/08/2025 19:09

DH has got a new job, and we don't know what our next step in life should be.
We will have 3 children (I'm pregnant). We live in the area we love but our house is a small 3 bed and needs work doing to it. We have loans and credit card debt.

Option 1. Buy a huge 4 bed house that will be our forever home.
I would have to go back to work full time once maternity has finished.

Option 2. Buy a slightly bigger house, in a different area but kids can still go to the same school. I would have to go back to work part time. And then DH would like to move again in 5-10years.

Option 3. Stay in our small 3 bed house, I wouldn't have to go back to work after maternity. Have lots of spare money, take kids to Disney world Florida and do up the house that's too small for us. No way to extend unfortunately.

I know it's not really something that someone can tell us as each family is different but I just don't know what we should do.

I LOVED being a sahp. I did it with the other two (have worked since they started school) but this is my last baby, the idea of not doing it for them too makes me think why bother having it if I'm not going to provide the same experience as I did for the other two.

I also feel guilty towards my husband. I feel like I'm holding him back. By not going back to work we can't have fancy holidays, big house, buying/ doing whatever we want (within reason). When most of our friends do. None of them are a sahp.

I think option 2 is a fair compromise but I just don't love those houses.
Need to get over myself!

Wwyd, option 1, 2, or 3?

OP posts:
Poopeepoopee · 13/08/2025 19:11

Option 3 for me. At least until the youngest started primary school, then Option 1. You CAN mix and match the options, doesn't have to be all or nothing.

Moonnstars · 13/08/2025 19:12

Option 2.

Original poster
Ohwhatswrong · 13/08/2025 20:18

Thank you both for replying.

OP posts:
senua · 13/08/2025 20:29

Option 3. Stay in our small 3 bed house, I wouldn't have to go back to work after maternity. Have lots of spare money, take kids to Disney world Florida and do up the house that's too small for us.
You seem to have missed "pay off loans and CC debt" from that list.Hmm

lljkk · 13/08/2025 20:30

Option 3 would be great for you. And it also means you could change your mind if down the line for some reason you want to try Options 1 or 2 instead.

Abthdust · 13/08/2025 20:34

Option 4: stay where you are go back to work when LO is 2 (?) and work to pay off debts and build some capital back up. Then decide whether to have bigger house / work out what your spending priorities are. We have just sold a house we lived in where the mortgage nearly crucified us for 15 years. H lost his job recently and I am so glad we moved before that happened.

Fearfulsaints · 13/08/2025 20:36

What do you mean by slightly bigger house in option 2. Is it 4 bedrooms, or a bigger 3 bed.

Original poster
Ohwhatswrong · 13/08/2025 21:14

@senua that will get paid... One day 🙈

OP posts:
Overthebow · 13/08/2025 21:18

If you’ve got loans and credit card debt then definitely pay those off before you think about doing any of those options. Then option 2, bit bigger house and you work part time. You get more space, money to pay for extras (and hopefully not get into more debt) and you still get some of the week at home.

iamnotalemon · 13/08/2025 21:18

Option 3 but clear the debts first. Not fun but sensible.

Original poster
Ohwhatswrong · 13/08/2025 21:21

@Abthdust would the 15 years been worth it if your husband hasn't lost his job?
Opinion 4 sounds very sensible and would probably make the most financial sense, I just don't know if we can stay in this house for that long.

@Fearfulsaints it would be a small 4 bed.

OP posts:
Fearfulsaints · 13/08/2025 21:24

Im leaning towards 3 or 2. Probably 2

Hairyfairy01 · 13/08/2025 21:26

Stay in the same house, work part time, pay off debts. Aim to move into forever home in 5-10 years.

Abthdust · 13/08/2025 21:45

@Ohwhatswrong no is the short answer. It was big and needed money spending on it which we did not have. And time. The garden went to wilderness as we were both working all the hours we could when not looking after DC. I would not make the same decision again. Scrimping for years is soul destroying so if you have any choice in the matter avoid that situation. The kids are happier where we are now (smaller, terraced) and i wish we had done it years ago.

Wolfpinkola · 13/08/2025 21:47

i think time with loved ones is the only thing that really matters.i think you can make finances work around this if this is what your heart says

Hercisback1 · 13/08/2025 21:48

Don't move anywhere while you have debts beyond a student loan and mortgage.

Option 1 sounds hugely financially irresponsible and could lead to years of scrimping.

BellissimoGecko · 13/08/2025 21:49

2

TesChique · 13/08/2025 21:51

Ohwhatswrong · 13/08/2025 21:14

@senua that will get paid... One day 🙈

Very responsible attitude if i may say.

We really need to get financial literacy and skills on the curriculum

Sparklingred · 13/08/2025 22:02

What does your husband think? From the op I get the impression that he might not be completely on board with you being a sahm. Is he feeling too much pressure being the sole earner for a family of five? How did you end up with the debt? Was it for day to day expenses or for something else?

I agree with PPs that you should focus on clearing your debt before buying a bigger house.

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