To feel down all the time these holidays

[anxiousandmoody247]

I work tto so I’m off all holidays. I have 2 boys, 12&5 and usually holidays are quite nice.
This time however I feel awful but I can’t wait for them to end. My 12 year old is to put it bluntly, horrible. His moods ruin every day, he’s nasty to his brother, he speaks to me like crap. Both of them have done nothing but bicker every single day. They have moaned at just about everything. I don’t get much help off their dad, he’s not taken any time off to be with them at all as he sees it that I’m off so therefore not his problem, he has however had time off to go to 3 European football matches in the last 6 weeks in different countries.
Money is tight, I’ve just taken a bank role at the hospital for the times I don’t have the kids (usually 1 night a week).
I just feel so low. I’ve got guilt about not being able to take them away when it seems all of their friends are on holiday. I had saved up nearly £400 to cover for days out etc then my car failed it’s mot so I had to use that.
we’ve done some things cinema, swimming, bowling and beach and park days plus bike rides etc but it just feels like I’m failing.

Pre teen and teen suck iv discovered. I hear you on the moaning and bickering. My pre teen and teens though havnt organised anyhting and are just lurking around the house bickering. If I take them anywhere only the youngest is mildly nice the older ones are vile and suck the joy out of anything.

Get a full time job, send them to holiday clubs, and tell their dad he’s responsible 50% of the time.

Sounds like you have a DH problem rather than a kids problem.

Sorry I should have added, we aren’t together. He works away mon-fri so usually has them Saturday overnight

I wouldn't feel guilty about not taking them on holiday. Sounds like that would be an equally stressful experience with a big price tag. So you could actually feel relieved you didn't waste money and feel worse. There are so many threads on here of people having miserable holidays it's a wake up call to manage our expectations.

You're providing a safe secure environment for your kids to grow up in. Cut yourself some Slack and look at what you are achieving

He is a crap dad. He takes time off to go abroad but won't take time off with his kids?

Sounds tough op. I am finding the holidays a bit tougher now my kids are older. Ds was so grumpy when we took him abroad last year it almost ruined it for me. This year he is doing his own thing. They are at a tricky ages to do things together. Certainly don't beat yourself up for not having more money to spend on them, they would probably be exactly the same even if you were off spending loads on trips etc. Remember the 12 year old is going through some crazy hormone changes right now.

One thing to consider is doing an activity older ds would like but take one of his friends too so they can entertain one another. E.g Go for a walk, let them go off on bikes or to build a den or climb trees etc. Or just a trip to the park, I find 12 year olds will still happily play in a park with another 12 year old, they could go and play football and you could take the 5 yo to the playground. Then you could do ice creams after. Also try giving the 12 yo some independence, drop him off somewhere to meet friends, maybe go to the cinema with a mate.

I've just read your op again and wonder if you meant 12 and 15? In which case keep them apart. Take them out on alternate days. Give them chores. Let them organise their own time.

I think these long holidays are hard for secondary aged kids. I remember really struggling with them myself despite all the effort (in hindsight) that my poor parents made to keep me occupied. Even with loads of money teenagers are hard to please.

Of course you're not failing. Money is tight, 6 weeks off school is a lot of time to fill, you're dealing with a big age gap and a pre teen, a co parent who isnt pulling his weight, and you're doing the best you can with what you have.

Your feelings will be reflected in homes up and down the country by every parent who doesn't have a big budget and easy going children, so keep perspective. If the school holidays aren't perfect for your kids this time round, in the scheme of things, its no big deal. Six weeks does not define a childhood and make a loving hard working mum a failure.

Currently hiding in my bedroom eating a chocolate bar. Get some peace and don’t be too hard on yourself. Xx

We didn't used to go on holidays when my dd were young.

Could you make lunch and shove it in a bag, take it to the park like a picnic with football or badminton set to kill a bit of time.

I saw the cinema near me are showing some older films cheaper if you fancy going again.