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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding gift money

22 replies

Vinhoverde94 · 13/08/2025 10:23

I am a bridesmaid for my friend in a few months. Money is a worry at the moment so just trying to plan for the gift and looking for opinions.

The hen weekend this month is costing £500 plus decor and gifts for other hens and we are all paying for the bride. I have to pay for accomodation at the venue which is around £250 (I didn't have to stay I guess but live 1.5 hours away and rest of wedding party are staying). The bride has paid for dresses, shoes, hair and make up. Myself and partner attending all day. What's a reasonable amount to give? I asked the bride if she had any registry list but she doesn't, she told me not to get a present but obviously I'm going to!

OP posts:
DappledThings · 13/08/2025 10:26

How much the wedding is costing you is irrelevant. As is how much she is spending, although people will be along to tell you in a minute you should be "covering your plate". Which is nonsense.

The correct amount is however much you want to give and are comfortable with. Anyone who has an expectation of how much they ought to be receiving is going about it all wrong.

£100 is at the top end of what I would give. About £75 usually.

Withdjsns · 13/08/2025 10:28

I give £50 but as you’re paying for the bride for the hen do I don’t think you need to give anything. Other option though is to make a photo book/album of the hen do as your gift; fairly cheap and a lovely memory

DappledThings · 13/08/2025 10:29

she told me not to get a present but obviously I'm going to!
Also this is very rude of you. If she has outright requested that you don't get anything then you should respect that. If it was more of a "don't feel you have to" that's a bit different.

Coffeeishot · 13/08/2025 10:33

My Dds Bridesmaids didn't give them a gift, she didn't, want anything and thd Bridesmaids joked they were the gift, 😀

she has said no gifts maybe get a nice
card or a personalised gift for them as a pp.said, go on Etsy but I don't think you have to worry about it.

Kitkatfiend31 · 13/08/2025 10:33

In your situation and as a bridesmaid I'd try to get a personal gift that doesn't necessarily cost too much. We had a lovely personalised vase, some photo frames, cheese board as we love cheese etc all from friends. We bought friends a plate kit that everyone at he venue signed. Think about what she would appreciate not how much it costs.

Canicule · 13/08/2025 10:34

... £500 plus decor.. for the hen? That's ridiculous!
... and gifts for other hens why are you buying gifts for the other hens??

Is the £250 for overnight accommodation for the hen night or the wedding? I wouldn't begrudge paying that for the wedding, but on top of a £500 hen is too much for most people (even if you're not struggling).

Sorry to answer your question... usually I'd give £100+ for a good friend, but those other costs are mad! So I'd have to rethink.

MaggiesShadow · 13/08/2025 10:35

I gave €300 when my best friend got married. Not an 'official' bridesmaid, though. When I was MOH for my sister, we gave €500 and got her a care package for her honeymoon.

Icanttakethisanymore · 13/08/2025 10:37

If you are strapped for cash and she has asked you not to get a gift, don't. Can you get a picture from the hen-do framed for her? That would be a nice thoughtful thing to do but very cheap.

HypnoToads · 13/08/2025 10:39

I usually give £50 for wedding gifts, but I haven't been to many so not sure what is standard.

When I got married last year most people gave us bottles of champagne which was very much appreciated. Those who gave cash gave us between £20-£50 in a card. Some people just got us cards. We were more than happy.

Don't spend more than you can comfortably afford. I'm sure your friend would hate to think you were worrying about money.

Coffeeishot · 13/08/2025 10:40

Kitkatfiend31 · 13/08/2025 10:33

In your situation and as a bridesmaid I'd try to get a personal gift that doesn't necessarily cost too much. We had a lovely personalised vase, some photo frames, cheese board as we love cheese etc all from friends. We bought friends a plate kit that everyone at he venue signed. Think about what she would appreciate not how much it costs.

Oh thats a lovely idea where did you get the plate ?

Original poster
Vinhoverde94 · 13/08/2025 10:41

I think her comment of don't get a gift was a bit more "don't feel you have to" as she knows I have other things draining my finances at the moment - I think in reality she would be upset if I didn't!

I'm struggling for a personalised gift as already got a personalised gift for engagement and we are also doing small personalised gift just for the bride from bridesmaids on the morning that doesn't cost much but feel I need to give something from partner and myself! I was thinking £100 would be okay, I'd like to give them more but money is just a worry at the mo.

OP posts:
caringcarer · 13/08/2025 10:42

Icanttakethisanymore · 13/08/2025 10:37

If you are strapped for cash and she has asked you not to get a gift, don't. Can you get a picture from the hen-do framed for her? That would be a nice thoughtful thing to do but very cheap.

I think this is a good idea. No idea why you are paying decor for hen night or buying other hens a gift???All sounds a bit OTT to me.

Coffeeishot · 13/08/2025 10:43

Honestly it sounds like you have given enough, and not worry about it anymore.

Original poster
Vinhoverde94 · 13/08/2025 10:43

caringcarer · 13/08/2025 10:42

I think this is a good idea. No idea why you are paying decor for hen night or buying other hens a gift???All sounds a bit OTT to me.

Show quote history

It's more "goody bag" type thing for other hens then some novelty decor for the theme night and some photos to hang, veil for bride etc - seems to be the norm amongst my friends but all adds up so quick!

OP posts:
Canicule · 13/08/2025 10:45

Vinhoverde94 · 13/08/2025 10:43

It's more "goody bag" type thing for other hens then some novelty decor for the theme night and some photos to hang, veil for bride etc - seems to be the norm amongst my friends but all adds up so quick!

Show quote history

But why are you paying for this?

ComtesseDeSpair · 13/08/2025 10:45

Honestly, your friend has said not to worry about a gift and she almost certainly means not to worry about a gift. She knows you’re spending a lot of money and going to a lot of effort already. We told plenty of family and friends who had travelled from the US for our wedding that a gift was absolutely not expected. Most gave a bottle of champagne or whisky anyway, which was a lovely gesture. A couple of other friends, who I know don’t have a lot of spare money, gave in the region of £50, and that was more than enough, we are not short of money and I’d be embarrassed if a friend close enough to attend my wedding had felt pressure to make themselves short for me.

Original poster
Vinhoverde94 · 13/08/2025 10:46

Thanks all, definitely overthinking it more than I should but just wanted to see if there was a general consensus!

OP posts:
Redcurrent100 · 13/08/2025 10:48

You can make a scrapbook or order one from
freeprints there are always offers on there and sometimes you just have to pay the delivery. You can get like 40 or 50 photos printed for £3.95 and stick them in a book from the range or b & m that’s like a £5

JDM625 · 13/08/2025 10:51

My MOH (I only had one) gave me a photobook instead of money. It was so thoughtful and lovely. Photos of when DH and I met, times out with my friend over the years etc.
I wouldnt have expected her to give cash or any gift at all really.

zacsGranny · 13/08/2025 10:55

Are they moving into a house? Perhaps get them a house number?

50kHobbyJob · 13/08/2025 10:57

I asked the bride if she had any registry list but she doesn't, she told me not to get a present but obviously I'm going to!

Why?

You've said that money is tight and that you have shelled out a considerable amount for the hen do. You have also paid towards a personalised gift for the bride and booked a room just because "everyone else is". Why not offer to pay for their honeymoon as well?

user2874744433 · 06/03/2026 16:08

We didn’t have gifts just donations to a charity dear to us.

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