Its a money one

[NetAPortHer]

Sorry this could be long and will almost certainly involve some drip....
DH has been the only breadwinner since we had kids 17 years ago. High earner.
I have inherited some money in the £100ks and he is convinced that it should all be used to pay off our mortgage. Well, probate is on its way so lets see.

In the meantime there was a life insurance policy that has paid out £20k to me and each sibling. DH was the trustee. My parents made him trustee as he works in finance and they obvioulsy trusted him. Not sure if they were overtly aware, but there has been DV from him towards me and we've had a volatile relationship. (I'm dx with BPD so according to DH its all been my fault for being difficult)

DH has put my £20k in an isa (he says in my name).

Anyway, where we are now is that my children have moths in their carpets as the cleaner hasn't been moving their stuff to hoover. DH agreed I could price up getting new polyprop carpets for their rooms and said he'd pay. Its almost £3k.

Now he will not pay the deposit. So I've tried to say can I pay it out of the £20k of inheritance I have so far. He is refusing to tell me where the ISA is and the account number of it etc.

I actually just made a video of me asking him and him saying "bye, bye" and refusing to engage. It feels so horrible I cannot describe how this makes me feel. Like nothing. Just prior to this he called me a cunt.

Please be kind to me, wtf can I do.

Yes it was all written in the policy who the beneficiaries were. He was just thr trustee.

No, I and my siblings are.

He can’t open an ISA in your name or any account without your consent so he’s lying.

I like this idea very much. It is considered and not reactionary.

I suppose the only issue is he'd dispose of or otherwise conceal assets. But he has probably already done that.

(My parents left all my share of inheritance to me. His mother has circumvented him and willed my husband's share mostly to our children, beacause then if he dies, I wont be due any of it. Shows what that family thinks of me)

He mentioned to me hes putting it in an isa and I did agree verbally. But im sure he said it was mine

Financial abuse at the very minimum . This is not a marriage of equals .

I would start the divorce process now before your inheritance is paid out.

Irrespective unless you already have an ISA and knowingly took it out yourself with your own signature the only way he could pay money into it would be if he knew the existing account number and sort code. You can’t open an account for another adult without their consent especially with that amount of money it would go against money laundering regulations any bank would question it.

I do already have visas and he admisters them

My DH set up a stocks and shares isa for me last night. No signature needed, just needed my NI number. Don't think there's paperwork coming.

Also if you use your inheritance to pay off a joint mortgage the inheritance inadvertently becomes his.

Has he paid your siblings their 20k?

Close them then. They aren’t his to administer.

I would also be prepared to speak to the police if you think he has used his position as a trustee defraud you out of the money.
His career in finance could also be in jeopardy if he gets a conviction for fraud.

Yes he knows and he said hes taken responsibility of being a trustee very seriously

Do you have the details of the policy that paid out? Can you contact them and ask where your share of the money went and see if they can help? They might have some sort of fraud department or can point you in the right direction.

Financial and verbal abuse. Get out. Free yourself. What a vile man.

You need to get proper legal advice and leave this horrible man. 💐

Then surely you must know the account details. They would be fairly easy to track with your national Insurance number.

There’s only one cunt and it’s not you. Bastard