Do you chase people?

[Sunset11]

So many threads on here about how its difficult to make friends in adult life.
Various suggestions made.
What happens once you have taken a slight risk or asked someone to meet up and do something.

It all goes fine. Low key. Not too long . Let's say it was a music event locally. Didn't talk much as too busy watching. I thought that was good. Cant be getting intense or too deep or personal. Just wanna be friendly and nice. Not crazy or a gossip or an over sharer.

I used to often chase people or just be the one that asks whether someone wants to go see something/ meet up.
But my anxiety can't deal with that these days. I dont want to deal with any kind of rejection even if someone says they aren't sure and will let me know.
I dont want to be reminded of unreliable people.

This was supposed to be totally easy going. Yet I feel they might not be up for meeting up on a occasionally basis.
My fear is only ever meeting once and not again. Im not sure lifes about one offs for me.
They know where I am. Im free sometimes and open . So why is it difficult to know what happens next.
The ball is in their court.
Im really surprised its making me doubt myself.

Ive had people chase me really hard to become friends, my boss (I don’t socialise with work colleagues), my neighbour-never again-my riding instructor, my dog trainer! I’ve made it a hard rule to be socially distant, I just don’t have the social battery anymore. You need to decide yourself and go from there.

I think your specific list of requirements is going to narrow your range of suitable candidates for friendship if I'm honest. On one hand your fear of rejection requires the person to agree to every suggestion you make, but on the other, you are not offering the type of depth that will encourage people to prioritise you. I'm not saying it's impossible to find, just harder than if you were more open to accepting some refusals and not seeing them as rejection, or some of the emotional bids people make in emerging friendships. With that in mind, i think you probably will need to do more of the initiating as then you can make your specific offer to the people you feel best suit what youre looking for. If you enjoyed the evening with that person, suggest something similar.

No, I no longer chase. The honest reason is that I have a boyfriend now and we’re sort of long distance. It’s hard enough finding the time to see him let alone see friends on a regular basis. I respond to invitations and try to make social gatherings but I don’t go out of my way to organise things.

This. Focus on your own feelings, rather than speculating anxiously about others’. If I want to see someone again, I will contact them and suggest it. This isn’t ‘chasing’, it’s an invitation. If the possibility of ‘rejection’ (again, a rather melodramatic term!) bothers you that much, I’d be focusing on learning to sit with uncomfortable feelings, rather than never contacting people again.

I think I mean chase as in after ive spoken to them again. Eg small talk or mentioning possible meet ups. This was without an actual date. Just saying what I think im doing. I dont expect someone to always agree or be available.
What I would be fine with as its a new person is like another example. Oh I dont think im free but I will be in touch soon when ive got more free time and less things going on.
Then following week i get a text and things flow again.

My issue was actually trying to work out if said person wants to or is just being polite.
Several weeks ago once numbers were exchanged I had said I won't be offended or anything if they dont want to do something I suggest.

As far as more deep chat. I can do that. But I dont like to be heavy at the start of any potential friendship. I am an introvert myself but am probably in the PP category of I like my own space and time but also company.

I basically just hadn't considered what what or wouldn't happen after the 1st meet up.
Im thinking it might have best that I hadn't got the ball rolling in the 1st place.