or is she? Honesty appreciated. (long rant)

[PersonalClown]

I have a little bit of a dispute with my neighbour.
She frequently complains about the level of noise my ds makes. She claims it's excessive, disturbing etc and constantly rings our Housing officer to complain. (we're HA)

Today was a topper. Her mum took it upon herself to complain about the noise over the weekend saying that my Ds and Dp's DD were too noisy, up too early etc etc.
I do try and limit the noise by not letting them run upstairs, only let them play downstairs, decent bedtime etc. I can't keep them silent all the time!
She then complains that it was my Ds' fault that her DD hurt herself because she was trying to copy Ds wheeling my garden waste bin around the garden.

But now she wants to start complaining to the police!! Ds is ASD and doesn't really understand that his behaviour affects others. I am trying to teach him though.
I personally dont think he's excessive but I am biased of course.

So am I being unreasonable for not controlling Ds better or is she for not understanding that Kids make noise?

Oh and she's took it on herself to tell me that she doesn't like DP, he's not good enough for me and she doesn't like the fact that he smokes in my garden (he's respecting the fact that I don't smoke).

YANBU

She sounds like a right bitch. Let her complain to the police, really, as long as your house is not wild (which I assume from your post that it is not ) then there is nothing they can do. MAybe they will eve have a word with her and tell her to be more tolerant.

Maybe the HA will soundproof your house (or hers) id it gets that far!

You are not in the wrong, and don't let her get to you.

Noise is a really personal thing - I get really wound up by a very little amount and once it gets under your skin...

But, I do make allowances for people's children and I would certainly make extra allowances if the child had special needs. You may feel it is none of her business, but have you mentioned his ASD to her? It might make her a bit more sympathetic.

Whether or not your dp is good enough is really beside the point, surely? She does sound a bit of a troublemaker.

She sounds like an utter nightmare, but then we are only getting your side of the story.
What does the HA say, though? It is sometimes helpful to guage by a professional's behaviour what's going on: if the HA is giving you suggestions to limit the noise then you should act on them where possible - but if the HA is reassuring you then maybe the council know this woman is a whining buckethead and will probably fob her off.

Thanks all. Everytime I speak to my housing officer she sounds like she is just going by the books. I get 'I know that you are trying' 'Ds cannot be controlled and she needs to know that' but she tells me that she is getting ' You shouldn't have to put up with it' 'You can put a complaint into Environmental Health' ect
She is well aware that Ds is ASD but still expects him to behave like a 'normal' child (her words)
HA did ask for a few things, I put locks and stoppers on doors so Ds couldn't slam them, try to stop him running/stomping(bloody hard when he's in meltdown)
He goes to bed at 8pm but I do prefer that he has a routine.

She is now asking me when I'm going to move. I did entertain the idea at the start of these problems but now I think why should I move? Ds is settled and happy.
AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!

Why don't you make a complaint about her harrassment of you?

I've sent an email detailing my side of the disagreement so that when I hear from or see my Housing officer she will have details from both sides IYSWIM.

But I've just found this on my local councils website...
'We have a duty to investigate noise complaints but we have to work within the terms of the law, so some types of noise disturbance, such as road traffic noise or people's unreasonable behaviour as part of their daily lives, cannot be dealt with.'

Looks like I may be the more reasonable of us although I'm sure you'll tell me if I'm not!!

contact your local police force and ask to speak to your community liaison officer at a time convenient to them and yourself

explain to the officer that you are receiving complaints from your neighbour which you deem to be unreasonable and you are making steps to improve things HOWEVER you feel she is being unreasonale (which she is btw) and is now harassing you and making threats re your housing/involving the police

they will give you advice re the best course to take and can act as mediation if needs be

will also show the old bag that you are not scared of police involvemnet as you have done nothing wrong and it will take the wind out of her sails re contacting them

YANBU - she is a whingey old bag

Ooooooh Never thought about contacting them first Dizzy. Fabulous idea!

My neighbour complains about my ds's and the 'noise' they make. Well, he's nice as pie to our faces but then puts notes through the door saying he's had just about enough. His daughter is extremely noisy (and a telltale surprise, surprise.)I sincerely sympathise with you. Living next door to someone like that is awful.

It's annoying isn't it Cornsilk.

I try to be reasonable and a good neighbour but it's never good enough.

glad to have helped

community liaison officers are not on all the time so when you phone be specific that its a community liaison officer you want to see/ have call you back not the beat cop - you are not reporting a crime you need some advice re neighbour hood dispute

cornsilk what an arse and a sleekit chicken of an arse at that

i have noise issues with my downstairs neighbours.

the son plays music so loud it shakes the floor sometimes. generally from 7pm and sometimes all evening till late.

they slam their front door so hard the building shakes.

he smokes on the stairs with his mates.

they seem to move their furniture around at least once a week at around 9pm.

they yell and argue altho not really really regularly.

i only complain if they keep dd awake which luckily isn't often.

they occasionally bang on their ceiling which drives me nuts! they did it at 6pm last night because dd (2.5) was trotting between lounge and bedroom. she'd only actually been in the house 45mins!

I am constantly telling her not to jump, stamp, thump, shout, drop things, dance etc etc

she jumps out of her skin when they bang and thinks monsters live downstairs.

so it's okay for them to do WTF they like but my child can't reasonably occupy her own home!

definately go to the police first, YANBU and your neighbours should count themselves bloody lucky to have you next door!

paddle you should be phoning the police every time he turns his music on

if your local council don't have an Anti Social Behaviour unit who are alerted by your force to attend on their behalf then a uniformed unit should be attending to hear the music being played and warning them

several warnings/instances will result in his equipment being seized and fpn's issued against them

I wouldn't engage in any more discussion with her - what she is doing is harassing you. I would tell her (pleasantly) that you have noted her concerns, and will do your best. However you do not wish to enter into any further discussion with her, and ask that she respoects your wishes.

Then completely ignore her. Is she an upstairs / downstairs / next door neighbour?

She's next door. I'm the end of a terrace.
She doesn't like anything. She'd have a go at kids playing football against the wall. Irritating I know but not anti-social, complains about people talking too loud/swearing when walking back from the pub etc.
It comes across like she wants complete silence. Not going to happen on an estate!!

I had a barmy gossippy neighbour years ago. She told everyone I was a prostitute . I refused to speak to her at all, and it just wound her up even more. People like that thrive on information - by not engaging with her any further, she will not have any more ammo.

TBH I have been speaking to environmental health about a barking dog next to us, and the bar is pretty high. They are unlikely to do much about people going about their daily business.

Thanks Blueskythinker. It's kind of reassuring to know that they will not try and impose restrictions just because Ds can't understand how his behaviour affects others.

I think my neighbour is just wierd. He hardly ever has visitors, his daughter has had friends round once as far as I know(on her birthday) and they've been there 2 years! He's an absolute dickhead. One night he woke us up walking down the street at 3a.m. talking loudly into his mobile. In the morning I could hear him shouting at his daughter to go back to sleep while I was getting up with ds. Nasty pig.

dizzydixie, i would if i planned on staying here but i'm actively putting a move into place now.

i heard a rumour from neighbours that this family has already been re-housed.

tbh, with the history i have from other neighbours i doubt the HA will do anything now if they haven't done anything before iyswim.

i only moved here a few months back

that makes me really though, people shouldn't be allowed to get away with that kind of malice and nonsense - no need for it all all

makes me fume tbh. i've decided to sell my property and move completely rather than try to take these people on.

i just wish i'd known the son was in prison for drug dealing when i bought

She's moving near me dizzy are you jealous?

well I'm getting shoshe and she's going to be my surrogate MIL so parp to you

LOL, it's true VS! I think I've found the house as well, altho I haven't actually been inside it yet LMAO

just gotta shift my place now

UPDATE:::

Just had a chat with my housing officer and basically she is being unreasonable!!!
She can call Environmental Health if she wants but there's not much they can do as Kids will be kids!!
While she can ask me to turn music down, ask kids to be quiet etc (and fair enough) she can't expect us to be silent!
I feel so much better now.