My MIL comes up every week or so to spend the day with my 6 mo DS.
She was insistent when he was born that she wanted to come up that much, and that she would help me out so I could return to work part-time.
However, ever since we started doing this, she says things like 'I don't know what to do with babies' and just drifts about the house or garden with my increasingly unhappy DS.
I've given her a schedule of when he naps/eats etc. to help her understand that when he cries, it's usually for a reason and not because, as she keeps telling me, she's 'rubbish with babies'.
She lost the first list I gave her, and hasn't looked at the second one I printed out.
I've suggested things for them to do together and spend most of the day while she's here preparing activities/food/walks so that she knows what to do.
Mostly she just ignores me, and then DS gets really hysterical (usually because he's starving and she doesn't believe in feeding on demand). Then she says that DS 'doesn't like me/I must be doing something wrong'. When I point out he was just hungry/bored/had a dirty nappy/needed a nap, she just ignores me.
I try really hard not to be critical and not to 'hover' around them (I work from home), which is hard when all I can hear is my normally happy baby crying his heart out.
I have praised her when she does something 'right' to try and build up her confidence with him. She ignores me.
She's also very passive-aggressive and clearly doesn't like the way I'm bringing DS up but won't tell me to my face, only in barbed comments about how other people look after their kids. And this is from the woman who 'doesn't know what to do with babies'!!
I've since put DS into childcare 2 days a week so that I can actually work, as the days she's here I barely get anything done as she seems to need so much help.
I'm now thinking I should ask her to come less often, as it's really stressing both me and DS out. But I feel bad as I want him to have a close relationship with both sets of grandparents.
I don't know how I can help her get over whatever it is that's stopping her enjoying being with my son. Yes, he's demanding, but all babies are and he is generally very, very happy and bright, loves activities and likes being with other people.
Sorry for the rant but she's downstairs right now and she's driving me mad!
DH just thinks we should tell her to get lost - he has a terrible relationship with her.
Is this my fault? Am I doing something wrong? AIBU to think that she should be able to look after DS without me having to 'baby' her?! And if I'm not being unreasonable what the bloody hell can I do to resolve the situation?! Aarghhhhhhhh.....