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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU that my mother is playing me against another buyer for his house

33 replies

EarthStroller · 12/08/2025 18:06

I am buying my mother's house from him, yet another family that were going to buy it have suddenly come back and offered £5k more. This is extremely near exchange and puts the house over the general house price. She is now going to allow this gazumping and go with the external offer unless i meet the additional £5k. AIBU to think this is unfair behaviour, after all I am family and thought she would be kind enough to keep it in the family as long as she gets fair value for it. I appreciate it is ultimately her home and she wants to get as much money for her retirement but this has really rubbed me up the wrong way and upset me.

OP posts:
Tablesandchairs23 · 12/08/2025 18:23

Yeah I wouldn't do that to my daughter.

FOJN · 12/08/2025 18:29

Do not offer her extra money.What evidence do you have that someone else has offered more money? Her say so or something else? She may be playing you but not necessarily against another buyer.

Tell her it's unfortunate but you don't have the extra 5k then leave it. Keep cool and hold your nerve. Do not engage in emotional conversations about it. I'd bet my house she will sell to you for the agreed price.

Vaxtable · 12/08/2025 18:30

Do t offer her the money. Let her sell it to them and deal with them

walk away and let her sort it all out herself

meganorks · 12/08/2025 18:32

Wow! That is cold. Don't buy it. Let her have the extra £5k and all the additional hassle that comes with it.

Imagine doing that to your own child?!

CosyMintFish · 12/08/2025 18:33

I am struggling with the pronouns.

Fraggeek · 12/08/2025 18:34

Call her bluff and say you'll withdraw.

Visun · 12/08/2025 18:34

I think I'd just tell her to do what she feels is right.

I would pull back a lot if she sold it to the other family to be honest and hope the extra 5k was worth it for her.

smallsilvercloud · 12/08/2025 18:35

yanbu, it’s 5k and it’s rubbish she’s allowing this so close to exchange, I probably wouldn’t offer more no but understand you’ve probably paid out on surveys and searches. Have a look at other properties, you may get a better deal elsewhere.

citygirl77 · 12/08/2025 18:36

That is shocking

ForCraftyWriter · 12/08/2025 18:37

So OP you and other posters are essentially expecting your mother to gift you £5k that she needs for her retirement

Snorlaxo · 12/08/2025 18:37

It’s dickish behaviour and I would pull out.

JimmyGiraffe · 12/08/2025 18:40

CosyMintFish · 12/08/2025 18:33

I am struggling with the pronouns.

Me too

Jellycatspyjamas · 12/08/2025 18:40

ForCraftyWriter · 12/08/2025 18:37

So OP you and other posters are essentially expecting your mother to gift you £5k that she needs for her retirement

She agreed a price with her daughter that presumably she was happy with, the additional money means her daughter would be paying over the house value - it’s a shit move to pull with your child.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 12/08/2025 18:40

I’d be paying her no more money and if she did pull out of the sale , I’d be saying I hope the 5k was worth the loss of our relationship.

MamaElephantMama · 12/08/2025 18:46

I would withdraw and distance from her.

HisNibs · 12/08/2025 19:09

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 12/08/2025 18:40

I’d be paying her no more money and if she did pull out of the sale , I’d be saying I hope the 5k was worth the loss of our relationship.

Exactly this.

Also, assuming this other buyer actually exists, your DM will be back to square one in the whole process with no guarantees that they won't pull out.

Namechangedagain999 · 12/08/2025 19:09

Is your mother a male?

Cherrysoup · 12/08/2025 19:10

Blimey! How is your relationship generally with her?

JamDisaster · 12/08/2025 19:12

Walk away. Gazumping is poor behaviour even if you’re not mother and daughter.

Seeingadistance · 12/08/2025 19:12

CosyMintFish · 12/08/2025 18:33

I am struggling with the pronouns.

So am I. It makes no sense to me.

FOJN · 12/08/2025 19:15

ForCraftyWriter · 12/08/2025 18:37

So OP you and other posters are essentially expecting your mother to gift you £5k that she needs for her retirement

The mother accepted the OP's offer, they are approaching completion. Gazumping is a shitty thing to do to anyone nevermind your own child but if her mum could not afford to sell the house for the price she agreed then she should not have let the sale get this far.

MMO · 12/08/2025 19:16

Wow if this is real that's horrendous behavior!

WorriedMutha · 12/08/2025 19:17

I hope she remembers this in her later years when you put yourself first. Which you should. I assume you've incurred expenses if you are close to exchange. Your mother is a shit and what goes around comes around.

Lurkingandlearning · 12/08/2025 19:44

It's close to exchange for you and your mother, but not close to exchange for the new offer. When they get close to exchange the new buyer could drop their offer by any amount, maybe by £10k. That happened to me. So your mother could end up losing out. To me that would be quite satisfying, given how she's more interested in money than keeping an agreement she's made with her daughter.

If you did agree to match their offer, they could increase it again. Just don't do it.

I'm curious to know how she came to get another offer. If you'd agreed to buy the house at market value, why wasn't it a private sale handled by your respective solicitors? Having agreed to sell to you did she then put the house on the open market with an estate agent?

Lafufufu · 12/08/2025 19:46

If i was her... I wouldn't do that to my child

If i was you I wouldn't match it amd if she came back to say she'd take the original price i wouldn't pay it.

Buy something else do not touch that house. The kind of woman that would squeeze you for 5k at the 11th.hour is the kind of woman that will try and say she "gave it away to you" and hold it over you for 20 years.