To think that labelling yourself as “a good person” says more about insecurity than true goodness?

[FancyGoldReader]

I’m always a bit dubious about people who frequently describe themselves as “good.” To me, being good is about your actions, not just saying the words. It’s a trait others recognise in you, not something you should need to prove.

It often feels like people who keep emphasising their goodness might actually be trying to convince themselves (and others) rather than genuinely embodying it. Am I overthinking this?

IME the people that call themselves empaths are some of the most manipulative and unpleasant people I’ve met.

Same for “good” person.

I feel like it would only really be said when there's something to prove. I personally think I'm a pretty good person but can't really think of a situation where I'd need to/want to say it out loud unless it was brought into question. It makes me think of when men say they're "nice". It automatically makes me think they're not that nice because why are they having to tell me instead of it being obvious through them actually being nice

It’s said be people who can’t understand why everyone doesn’t like them

I've found that the men in particular who describe themselves as good men are the worst, evil and underhanded people on earth

But in some people, it denotes suffering that they dont understand - kind of a 'why me' thing

I think actions speak louder than words and it’s also very rude to big yourself up too much.

So many posters on here complain about others but describe themselves as lovely. They are clearly not lovely.

People who really are good don’t need to validate themselves or encourage others to buy into their perception of themselves by describing themselves as good people. I’d also argue that people who are convinced of their own goodness often lack introspection and fail to recognise that none of us are perfect. We’re all flawed human beings with our own unique failings.

People who say they are laid-back always seem to be really uptight.
My mum always says how she loves children, yet she was a nightmare to have as a mother.
I remember a mother at my dcs' primary school posting on FB. "Here's the thing. I'm a nice person, so if I'm a bitch to you, you need to ask yourself why."
She was the bitchiest woman ever.
I guess they are trying to convince themselves!

My ex does this, he started an affair weeks after one of my DC’s got diagnosed with a life changing long term condition. Yet describes himself as a good person, a good father and tells me he was supportive and caring.

It’s purely to offload the guilt, it’s whatever narrative people tell themselves to excuse their vile behaviour. It’s to avoid any accountability.

What a bastard! Sorry, I just got pissed off on your behalf!

I try to be a good person and I hope others think I’m a good person. If asked directly if I thought I was a good person I’d probably say ‘erm, yes. I hope so’. But I’d never go around unasked telling people I’m a good person, that’d be incredibly odd surely?

I have self described out loud as good once.

Someone stole (a lot of) money in a previous job. I was accused. I did not do it and could easily prove it timing's wise. The person who did was caught when they tried again. I left the job and on exit interview said "I am a good person, how COULD you have thought it was me?"
to be met with "Good people are usually the worst, we don't trust anyone"

Cheers and goodbye.

I knew someone who often called themselves good and nice. They then ran off with someone else's spouse!

How do you define a good person @FancyGoldReader ?

Very annoying - goes in the bin along with I'm 'sensitive' and 'empathic'.

It's not really for them to say is it. It's in the eye of the beholder. You're only good if others think you are. So yeah, very suspicious.

Thank you!

He is yes, it’s so very disappointing and I’m not sure I’ll ever be over it.

My ex is all over the internet telling everyone in multiple posts across several platforms about how good and honest he is.
I think I might have been dreaming during the last 5 months of our relationship or I need my definition of good and honest checking.

I've seen people do that on here before saying 'im a good person!' and I always think... seriously? Is that not a bit egotistical?

Totally agree OP. I don't think being a good person is a trait you can bestow upon yourself. As you say, it's actions towards others, how you treat others. They then think of you as a lovely, kind 'good person'. You don't get to unilaterally decide this.

I also agree with the pp who said about people calling themselves 'empaths'

I think anyone who goes around 'labelling themselves' is a bit odd really. Of course actions speak louder than words.

However, I think most people think they are good, and most people probably try to be good even if they fail. I think most emotionally mature adults can recognise their stronger and weaker traits, and when they've done things for selfish or noble purposes.

I don't think it's a case of the only truly good people are the people who say they're a bad person, and therefore ultimate example of goodness is Dobbie the House Elf.

My ex always used to say he was a good person & quite frankly he wasn’t a lot of the time. He’s massively insecure & I often think the same as the OP, that if you’re a truly good person you don’t need to say it as actions speak louder than words. He wasn’t just trying to convince the world how ‘good’ he was when he continually effed up

I had some good friends who were born-again Christians. I'm Jewish, semi-practicing, not bothered whether or not god exists (a very common Jewish perspective).

We had many frank and open discussions about how our faiths influenced our day-to-day lives. Of course, heaven and hell came up. I don't believe that either exist. I don't fear death, it's an ending, full stop. This life, this world are what matter. But should I be wrong, I believe I'll go to heaven. Why? Because I'm essentially a good person. I may not always have tried to be my best self, I may have done some petty wrongs, but, ultimately, I have tried to live my life with integrity and with consideration for those with whom I share the planet. I think that makes me a good enough person to get into any heaven.

But that's something that came up in a discussion and was relevant to the discussion. To go around declaring that I am a good person would be boastful, and I don't think boastfulness is an attribute of goodness.