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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask what you would do? It's a house/moving one...

28 replies

Stressymadre · 12/08/2025 13:27

I am a single parent to two children (DS14 and DD10). My exH got the family home in the divorce (whole other story) and I bought the only 3 bed house I could afford at the time that was in catchment for my eldest's secondary school application. My street is quiet but the area is not very nice (getting worse with drugs and anti-social behaviour) and the house is too small. We are coping, just about but my DD's room is really tiny and she is struggling with it. I also work FT from home and am working at the dining table as there is nowhere else for me to work.
Anyway, the plan has been for my partner of 5 years to sell his house, I sell mine and we buy together. Bigger house, nicer area. But... his house is just not selling. He's had over 25/30 viewings (in past 5 months) and no offers. All feedback is the same and it's nothing he can do to address. He's dropped the price 3 times and changed estate agents.
So... at what point do we give up and decide to stay as is? If I do that I would need to build a garden office (so would need to invest and stay put for a few years) and also switch rooms with DD so she can have space. I don't want to keep struggling as we are as we need the space, but also I don't want to invest in the house that's not in a nice area (both kids comment on this a lot). I don't know what do do. Any advice?

OP posts:
LlynTegid · 12/08/2025 13:29

I assume living in his house is not an alternative (size, distance from school, or some other reason which you don't need to disclose)?

Original poster
Stressymadre · 12/08/2025 13:31

LlynTegid · 12/08/2025 13:29

I assume living in his house is not an alternative (size, distance from school, or some other reason which you don't need to disclose)?

Yeah. We can't live in his house unfortunately.

OP posts:
LlynTegid · 12/08/2025 13:35

I would not give up on selling a house after only five months.

AuntyDepressant · 12/08/2025 13:36

Have you considered selling his house at auction?

Tutorpuzzle · 12/08/2025 13:36

Slightly off topic, but would you be able to post a link to his house? I am utterly clueless as to why houses don’t sell, but there are many, many people on MN who offer amazing advice when links are posted. (And not just “it’s overpriced” because it’s often not only that.)

I realise that it’s not your house and may be too outing for you, but thought I’d offer it as a suggestion!

FioFioSILK · 12/08/2025 13:38

Start controlling what you can and sell yours. Maybe he could keep his on the market or sell at auction for a speedy sale.

HoskinsChoice · 12/08/2025 13:40

Why would you swap rooms with your daughter? Surely you need a bigger room than her?

Jellycatspyjamas · 12/08/2025 13:45

I think you’re being driven a bit by your kids. You are able to house them in a property you can afford, has anything changed that would enable you to buy something bigger on your own? If not, the priority for me would be having a work space because that’s what pays the bills. I’d not tolerate too much chat from kids about the not nice area or the size of bedrooms that I was working hard to pay for.

Why does your DD need more space? She’s coming to an age where her toys will thin out and you can use clever storage for her things. It would be lovely if all children could have their own spacious room but we all need to cut our cloth according to our purse.

millmoo · 12/08/2025 13:47

What about selling yours and renting his out for a bit and then it could possibly be some extra income?

IamSmarticus · 12/08/2025 13:51

What is the issue that is stopping your partner from selling his? If he is getting viewings, what are the potential buyers finding once they arrive to view that isn't in the photos or description?

Can he rent it out instead?

Bushmillsbabe · 12/08/2025 13:55

Can you both rent yours out and use rental income to pay a rent or a mortgage on a new shared property?
As others have said - share the link - although you said he is getting viewings so the advert must be ok, but is thete something around the houses presentation which is putting people off?

drspouse · 12/08/2025 13:56

Could you rent out his house and sell yours?

AbzMoz · 12/08/2025 13:58

What can you do to make your current home work better for you which is doable today?

  • work 1-2 days from coffee shop / library? Or from a clients office?
  • get a proper office chair - your back will thank you
  • Help DD declutter her space and get a storage bed solution

what can you do to make DPs home sell?

  • he moves in with you - property more appealing as vacant, cleared and neutral decor?
  • consider a ‘we buy any house’ for his property if this is pressing? Or bridge financing til his does sell?
ComtesseDeSpair · 12/08/2025 13:59

A lot of “can’t address” feedback is often quite simply what viewers say when what they mean is “it isn’t exactly what I want and you haven’t priced competitively enough to make me overlook the negatives.” You say he’s reduced the price, but has he reduced it enough considering the actual market and what he’s competing with? If he wants to sell, he may have to accept the brutal reality.

If you already know you don’t like the current area then I’d not sink money into improving / adding to a house which you’ll never really feel happy in.

Original poster
Stressymadre · 12/08/2025 14:11

Thanks everyone. Lots of useful suggestions. To answer some questions, yes I could afford somewhere a bit bigger now, by myself, bit not enough to negate the costs of moving etc. For example, my house is probably around £320k value, I could buy another at maybe £350-375k. Hardly seems worth it but it may come to that I guess.
We have considered renting his out but the cost of stamp duty on a second home would be enormous for us and I'm not sure he can release enough equity to facilitate us buying a house that would house us all (he also works from home some of the week). I have asked him to look into this though.
I don't feel I can post a link as it would be too outing but the feedback is garden is too small (it is tiny!), it has no dining room and they don't like town house layout (so it is on 3 floors: downstairs is kitchen, middle is lounge and bedroom, top is bedrooms). He has redecorated throughout so it feel clean and fresh. Market is stagnant though so I guess buyers can be fussy at the moment.
As for work, my job requires me to use several screens and take calls/meetings so I am limited as to where I work from unfortunately. I did look into renting a work space but they are rather pricey!

OP posts:
Original poster
Stressymadre · 12/08/2025 14:14

Sorry forgot to address question about my daughter's room. Her room is big enough for a bed and chest of drawers only. She is musical and needs space to practise her instrument and she still plays a lot with toys, dancing, singing etc. I just sleep in my room so really not fussed about switching!

OP posts:
fortysomethingg · 12/08/2025 14:16

I would sell what you can. Rent what won’t sell. And wait. It possibly needs some £ spending on it to make it desirable for sale? Market is picking up.
i would then rent a house for you all. Then sell as you can. Bank the cash and you will be in a fantastic position to buy in a year or so. We did this as a blended family and it’s helped us move smoother and take advantage of market fluctuations

Ponderingwindow · 12/08/2025 14:39

There is no guarantee that integrating your boyfriend and your children into one household is going to go smoothly. Moving into a house you can’t afford independently is a bad idea. If things don’t work, you need to be able to ask him to leave and he needs to be able to afford to leave.

I would rework the plan entirely. Figure out if you can afford to move independently or if you need to stay where you are and make the home work better for you.

Aspidistree · 12/08/2025 14:49

5 months is not terribly long. I think it's a bit early to give up on that.

Could you work at your partner's house? It would be a change of scene if nothing else. If you share details of DD's room people may have some ideas of how to make it more livable for her. You could also consider whether you could move a wall to give her a bit more space, which might be cheaper than you think. Simple tricks like building in a bed to fit across a slightly-too-short space, and adjusting her door to swing outwards if it doesn't already, can make a big difference and a more usable 3rd bedroom will improve your home's sellability when the time comes.

allmycats · 12/08/2025 15:08

Could you rent both properties out and then rent one together that is suitable for all of you? There is then fallback facility if things don’t work out.

drspouse · 12/08/2025 15:30

allmycats · 12/08/2025 15:08

Could you rent both properties out and then rent one together that is suitable for all of you? There is then fallback facility if things don’t work out.

This would have the added advantage that nobody is selling a second home hence avoiding CGT.

Original poster
Stressymadre · 12/08/2025 15:52

I have looked an rentals but there are literally none anywhere near us... live in the south so there's a supply issue. I also have a dog which complicates things. No simple answer is there. I guess I wait for now and if in a month or so there's no change I may look to just move, just me then

OP posts:
fortysomethingg · 12/08/2025 15:54

Such a shame. What a predicament!

Bluevelvetsofa · 12/08/2025 16:04

Could you extend yours, to provide a room for you to work in and a bigger bedroom for your daughter?

AuntyDepressant · 12/08/2025 16:15

Again, has he considered selling his house at auction?