Baby shower etiquette now

[Dontlookbackinangeriheardyousay]

I have been invited to a baby shower and been sent a Mamas and papas wish list to buy off for the baby shower. I was in mama and papas today and heard a member of staff encouraging a couple to have a list and send it out to family and friends.

is this the norm now?

I was planning on rocking up with a few well thought out gifts but wondering if I should buy off the ‘list’ instead.

Just buy a card and a little gift.

In the UK baby showers are not normal and regarded as rather vulgar.

Take whatever you like or don’t go at all, I think having a list is extremely cheeky and no way would I be buying anything from it!

You buy off the list if you like or you can buy a pack of bibs and a card and say you’ll buy a gift when the baby arrives, I’m sure they will just be glad you attend!

I’ve been to lots of baby showers, always really enjoyed them and it’s lovely to spoil mum before the arrival.

There is always someone who says this. Mumsnet snobs hate them but it's very normal in many social circles

My friends wanted to throw me one, so I decided to celebrate my baby with my friends rather than caring what snobs on Mumsnet think. I didn't want to write a gift list but my friends pressured me into it. This was amazing- not least as the mental load was removed. I didn't register just wrote a list, so my friend that chose a baby monitor did all the research etc for me. Friends with babies also asked me if I needed things I wouldn't have thought of like a nappy bin.

Despite what the snobs say, this is one of the most sensible life transitions to have a 'gift list' at as there are so many big expenses jut as one of your salaries is cut. Much more sensible than a wedding list or big birthday presents for 50 year olds etc.

Ps my 'off list ' presents of clothes and teddy bears didn't get used at all. Clothes were wrong size for the season and teddies my child is now two and still doesn't play with them. So these friends thoughts were so appreciated but their money was wasted.

One friend that bought off list actually packed me a starter nappy kit of nappy cream and bags and nappies - that was good.

And also, if you're being hosted ie food at drink provided, you should always take a gift.

If you're paying for your food etc knock that off the gift price

Cheeky fuckers! A list you say? 🤣🤣

Pps - if something is not on the list then couple probably have already got your well thought out gift , so I'd include a gift receipt

Some people don’t like Christmas or birthdays, if it’s important to the person and you care enough about them you make an effort. I don’t understand what’s so vulgar about having afternoon tea with your friends that’s majority of baby showers

OP, just buy a gift and take it. Don’t overthink it and you can either give it now with a card. Or just take a card and give a gift once the babies here. I don’t think people mind what you do.

this is one of the most sensible life transitions to have a 'gift list' at as there are so many big expenses jut as one of your salaries is cut.

So buy second hand if you can't afford to provide for the baby you decided to have.

What if your salary was cut when it comes to providing school uniforms or gas, electric, water?

Would you send out a list for that too?

@Unexpectedlysinglemum you seem to have a real thing about what you perceive as snobs.

It isn't snobbery to consider baby showers as grabby. Those who love the mother should be allowed to buy the gift they want when they want. Many people would rather wait for the child to arrive safely.

Oh but when the child arrives safely, people are often still judged for turning up empty handed even though they've already forked out for the baby shower.

Then there'll be the Christening and of course the 1st birthday party.

You are really quite defensive and despite what you say it sounds as if you really do care what Mumsnet snobs think!

Never been given a gift list, but have never asked.i always do some baby books (tummy time/ black and white etc) and an outfit. If buying a bigger size I think what weather /season it'll be.

@MummytoE not defensive to myself as my friends threw me a lovely shower and I loved it, and my whole world crashed down around me a couple of weeks later, so personally for me it was ideal timing to know how loved and supported I was. (But yes the list I was paranoid about what people would think , but was reassured that my friends planning in a WhatsApp group really wanted one so they didn't waste money or double up. Just practical! But there is no expectation it's stuck to its just given to help people choose).

I am More defensive to other women on Mumsnet who might ready snobby comments and think they're being horrible chavs by having one thrown for them! Pregnant ladies are worriers! And explaining to op who has asked about more modern etiquette about this. She had a choice of whether she wants to get something the new mum needs or go off piste.

As a mum, the new baby gifts (clothes etc) are far less useful than the gadgets etc given beforehand so you can feel prepared. Of course some people love to go baby clothes shopping so if they want to do that they should go ahead, but if they want to give something actually useful for their friend at this stressful time it's a good idea to stick to the list. The best present to bring when visiting a newborn is always healthy food for mum to heat up though!

Before I had a baby I didn't like the gift lists I felt it was ruining my fun, but now I'm a mum I would always stick to lists to help out my friends.

Re christenings and 1st birthday parties (which I also threw and was so proud of myself doing it alone!) i would see it as more impolite to show up empty handed when someone throws a party and is providing you with food and drink, I wouldn't dream of doing so. But I wouldn't do a gift list for those events as they don't come with a high volume of 'needs' all at once and most mums are back at work amd earning by then.

Of course they're allowed to do this. Nothing to stop op going to the party with a card and some chocolates or something for the new mum and the hostess, and then getting a gift later. This gift is less likely to be useful though / depends if op cares more about enjoying her shopping trip (which we all love to do, baby clothes are so cute) or making sure money is used efficiently - no wrong answe

I, personally, am a fan of any celebration and excuse for a get together. So for me, and my circle of friends, a baby shower is pretty normal.

The gift list though- there’s something about that that actually really doesn’t sit right with me. I’ve never been to a shower with one.

Re christenings and 1st birthday parties (which I also threw and was so proud of myself doing it alone!)

I had no doubt you threw those too.

I find the notion of a list much too formal in regards to babies. Surely a high proportion of gift buyers are not at the shower and will buy post birth.

You sound like a pain in the arse tbh. Not to mention grabby.

Nope. It’s grabby to expect or ask your family and friends to sub your decision to have a baby. I’m experiencing second hand embarrassment for your scenario.

She didn't want to write a gift list though.

Apparently her friends pressured her into it...

The gift lists remind me of crowd funds and sponsored shit .

I think a list is a good idea as some people really may have no idea what to buy.

Whereas if you want to select something yourself, I think this will be appreciated just as much - it will also be a nice surprise for the receiver too!