Narcissistic Mother

[Lucy2586]

I was inspired to write this by another poster. I think I have been discarded by my mother. I am 48 years old with a 12 year old daughter.

My mother never supported me emotionally etc and always bad mouthed my to family members when I was young so I moved to another city at a young age. When I had my daughter she had all the time in the world for me wanted to have my dd every Saturday which I thought was great as I got a little break. However, since my dd started her periods she started back chatting and her hormones we all over she was a nightmare.since then my mother barely has anything to do with me she shows little interest in my dd which hurts even more. I am actually beginning to despise this woman, after being horrible in my childhood i thought we had a new bond but it seems she was acting the whole time. I feel like she is such a nasty bitch. She is so cold to me now and barely wants to hear anything so I have stopped calling her. Should I just cut her off.

This is a tough one, I went 6 months without speaking to my mum when she ditched my daughter out of the blue. For me, I just got crosser about the situation and spent the time trying to understand how she could be so heartless. She didn't reach out to me even once in that whole time. I now speak to her again and keep everything civil as I think its better to keep the door open but I definitely keep her at arms length and try not to get too emotional about it all because I cant change her. Honestly, I think not speaking at all was hurting me more than it hurt her.

It is easier than suffering disappointment. However as she gets older and you become useful to her she will expect you to step up. Just because she is your mum you do not have to put up with it. You can pick your friends....

My daughter and I went through a difficult time and that’s when I need support the most due to external stressors plus my dd becoming really hard work. I had to put on on the contraceptive because her periods really distressed her. She was only 10 when they started.

it seems like my mother can’t be bothered with either of us anymore and accuses me of being over dramatic about things but I am single parent so do not have a partner to bounce off when things get tough.

It started around Christmas last year and she has acted this way ever since. She is always saying awful things about my dad too but he seems to have backed away a bit so I think she is doing the triangulation thing. I may be dramatic but I’d rather that than be a cold hearted witch bevause that’s how I feel about her.

I still live in another city she banged on and on for me to move back when I had my baby but I thought no way do I want you popping around making me miserable so I guess I knew deep down. Think she just want to show off to people at work about why a doting grandmother is but now she has retired. Plus she cannot dress my dd up as she has her very own style now and has her own voice which my mother doesn’t seem to like people to have.

Sounds like you have dodged a bullet keep her at arms length. Not all mums are nurturing, mine was awful.

I’m currently 5 months into no contact with my mother after finally realising how manipulative, controlling and abusive she has been to me for my whole life.

I’m 42 now and a fall out with her five months ago caused Pandora’s box to open and decades and decades of dysfunction and toxicity came to the surface and my eyes were opened as to the kind of person my mother really was. It felt like my entire life had been a lie, one big pretence.

I had counselling for 10 weeks to help me unpick everything where I cried and cried as I had to face the reality of my mother and admit to myself how badly I had been treated since I was a child, but I’m all the stronger for it.

As I said, it’s been 5 months of no contact now and I have no regrets at all.

She not at all but she seemed different with my dd so I thought she had changed. I was wrong. Come to think of it when I split with my ex i stayed at her house for a couple of months while mine was being decorated. We didn’t even have our beds in there and she told us we had to leave to share a sofa for the night bevause her brother was coming to stay. I remember thinking she was evil that day. We didn’t have anything we reallly needed and she didn’t give a crap. She made me power of attorney a couple of years ago i feel like saying get someone else I want nothing and dont want to make decisions for her either.

I have had therapy in the past as I have anxiety and it’s always lead back to mother. As she is getting older she is getting nastier. She used to have lots of family living nearby and work but family have bought new house etc and now she doesn’t have work so I think the lack of attention has turned her really bitter.

I thought you’d been NC for 5 months?