Help me process this, never told anyone IRL

[Stillfeelergh678]

Okay, just can't believe I'm typing this. I've tried not to think about it for the last 14 years but every time it creeps into my thoughts I feel awful.
Basically I was 17/18F, I had a little weekend job as a PA for a self employed woman with her own business. Paid cash, all very casual. We got along great and she invited me for a drink with her and friends shortly after my 18th birthday. I had a great night, felt very grown up, then got ridiculously drunk and in my friends words "completely passed out on her sofa", where I woke up the next morning ill and unable to remember anything.
Fast forward a couple of hours and her 14yo DS came downstairs. We'd chatted once or twice but nothing else, he was just my boss's son to me. He came downstairs and asked if I was on my period, I was utterly shocked but replied "yes, why?", to which he laughed and said "I thought it felt weird" winked at me and then went back upstairs. I had a tampon in 😳 I can't remember a thing. But for all of these years I haven't been able to process this. Was I assaulted as I was passed out drunk, unable to consent, not even awake, and clearly he did something to me. But he was 14! He couldnt even consent himself as he was a minor at the time. I've never seen him since and I suppose it doesn't matter anymore. But it always makes me feel horrendous when I think back and the age of him and me always freaks me out. For context I had only just turned 18, and I was a "young" 18. He was 14 nearly 15 and a very tall and broad lad. I just can't remember anything. It makes me feel sick to think of it all. I feel like he did stuff to me while drunk on the sofa but his age makes me feel like I did something wrong ? I haven't been able to resolve my feelings on this.
Any advice would be welcome. Was it my fault? He was just a child. But I wasn't awake. I suppose it's my fault for getting blind drunk. I end up spiralling whenever I think of this.

I honestly think he did nothing to you and it was all bravado on his part, possibly. This was my honest initial thought. But then thinking about it - that interpretation wouldn’t explain his period question. Either way it’s very upsetting OP ❤️

Ahh let it go if you can. Honestly you did nothing wrong and although what he did was, he was young and obviously saw an opportunity to explore sexually and took advantage of the situation.
I've had a similar experience (old man rather than young boy though) and the trying to piece it together and think how you could have prevented it is a waste of time. It's done and if you follow it up and report as a sexual assault it will open a can of worms you may wish you'd left alone.

I understand your confusion and wanting to make sense of it though 😔

I can also relate because I now realise over 20 years later that my ex sexually assaulted me when I was too drunk to consent when I was 18. I agree, this sort of realisation is horrible ❤️

What a vile thing for him to say/do OP. Did it feel like your underwear was askew, had the tampon been pushed very high up, had you leaked through your clothes at all, any signs of semen? You might not have wanted to think about any of that though, either at the time or now. I hope it was just bravado otherwise yes, he raped you. His age and you being passed out drunk is neither here nor there. I'm so sorry you went through that.

Your / his age and alcohol aren't the issues so don't worry about that

I think his question doesn't really make sense unless something happened, sorry to say

But you don't know for sure. I'd suggest be kind to yourself about this. You were not at fault in any way

Thank you for all of the replies so far, and I'm sorry to hear of other people being through similar 😢❤️
I was never going to report it, just trying to make sense of it all in my head after all these years, it still makes me feel horrendous and I'd rather be able to forget.
I have been back and forth for years trying to convince myself that he didn't do anything, but I always come back to the tampon, there is no way he could have known that. I never noticed if my underwear were askew or anything, it was hours after I'd woken up that he made the comment and I had already changed clothes as soon as I woke up. I was just wearing a dress and knickers while passed out so it would have been easy for him to have access. I don't think, even if he did penetrate me, that he ejaculated, I now obviously understand that what goes in mostly comes out, sorry TMI, and I would have definitely noticed that at the time and I didn't. But I think he may have tried with fingers, maybe even put it in and then took it out etc. I honestly don't know. Which is how he knew about my period.
I guess I just needed reassurance that I didn't do anything wrong despite his age. I never looked at it as assault or rape because he was a minor so I have been confused for years. Thank you for all the lovely messages 😔❤️

I think he was being a nasty little shit who thought he was funny.

You did absolutely nothing wrong, and his response doesn't necessarily mean that he knew. He probably had a different response ready for if you'd said no, you weren't on your period. Teen boys of that age can be cocky little gobshites and there's a good chance that it was all just bravado.

I think you may have been raped and not sure why people are telling you to let it go.

You need closure.

If he penetrated you then he raped you, his age is irrelevant. I'm sorry that happened to you

I was about to say the same @Linenpickle . I wonder if in your drunken state, at some point had you disclosed you were on your period? - thinking along the lines of "God, I need the loo. Pass me my bag Doreen, it's got my tampax in it".?
Either way, you'll never really know but any blame for any wrongdoing should be firmly placed at cocky lad's door.
If anything did happen, you were the victim @Stillfeelergh678 and he was the criminal.
Forgive yourself - not that you have anything to forgive yourself for.
The only thing you did was get drunk and not many of us can say we haven't at 17/18.

Tbh i think you need to work this through with a counsellor

Is it possible he was a little creep who went through your bag and saw some tampons or something like that?

I thought this too but they picked me up from my home and we didn't get back to her house until the early hours of the morning where they basically slumped me on the sofa and I stayed there till I woke up. Unless he went through my bag and saw the tampons as pp suggested. Anything is possible. I think the fact I have such a strong awful feeling about it probably means something more happened and I haven't been able to face it due to my inability to look deeper because of his age.
This post is definitely making me feel a bit better about the situation, weirdly. I didn't know whether to feel guilty or like a victim, not that I wanted to feel like either. But I couldnt shake the feeling it was all my fault so I couldn't speak about it or even think about it.
Thank you for your comments x

You'll drive yourself mad pondering on the "what ifs" and "maybes" OP.

The fact this still evokes such strong feelings for you after 14 years (and why would it not under the circumstances? ) would imply previous posters suggestion of some appropriate counselling may help you.

Good luck. 💐

I don't know why people are minimising what went on there and saying that you might've mentioned your tampon to him. I don't know about you but when I've been really drunk I still would have inhibitions about talking about that sort of thing to someone that age that I didn't know. I think he did something, OP. It's clear he didn't ejaculate as you would've noticed that the next morning. He's a disgusting little shit anyway. Do you remember his name? If so would it be worth googling him? If he was like that at 14 I doubt he improved.

It might help to speak to a counsellor about this. The fact it's preying on your mind I think does indicate that you know something went on. At first I thought you'd been spiked.

I definitely hadn't been spiked as far as I'm aware, and not by him he didn't have the opportunity. But I was newly 18, probably didn't eat and drank way more than my body could handle. I can't remember most of the night that I was awake never mind unconscious.
You're right, especially at that age, I never would have discussed tampons and such, especially around a 14yo kid. To be fair I only seen him 2 or 3 times max before it happened, when he came to speak to his mam and I was polite and said hi. That was the extent of our relationship.
I know his name. His mam reaches out occasionally through social media and I always make excuses for a catch up. She hasn't messaged in a long time I think she got the message. I can't bring myself to click on his profile or anything. I know he takes drugs and has a few kids to different women now. I don't even dare report him because I have nothing to report I can't remember? I hope he hasn't done this to anyone else. I don't know what I want from this thread tbh. I think I just felt awful for so many years thinking that because of his age, it must be me in the wrong. Feels validating to see others commenting that it's not.
I am currently on the wait list for counselling so this is definitely something I will mention. I've had therapy many times but always been too scared to mention this x

As a full grown adult, whenever I've been in a drinking situation with someone about 18, I have one eye on how they're doing, they are potentially very vulnerable, especially in a mixed age group and if unaccustomed to drinking. The other adults and especially the woman who invited you let you down.

It might be worth reporting. In Scotland there's a legal thing where if a number of women report the same man for similar behaviour, that's a strong case already. That's if you want to of course.