To go to the Drs with DS19?

[Sotiredteen]

DS19 has been struggling with fatigue for months and it's recently got worse to the point he only gets up to eat, shower and work. He's beyond tired, falling asleep during conversations and at the dinner table. I'm so worried about him, and I've been encouraging him to book drs appointments etc but he says he doesn't want to. Well, tomorrow I'm booking him an appointment and taking him because me and DH feel something isn't right at all as he's started coughing continuously, feeling faint and having stomach issues.
Would IBU to go in with him to make sure Dr gets the whole picture? There's also things like family history, he's medical history etc that he might not think to bring up - like his food allergeries, asthma and anxiety.

For reference, I have a lot of health anxiety around my children and the doctors as they branded me a neurotic mum when I pushed for allergy testing for DS when he was a baby, it took YEARS to be taken seriously and turned out he had CMPA and soya allergy.

YABU = he's an adult, just take him and wait
YANBU = he needs advocating for

Yanbu. Even if you just get him there and go through what he needs to say it will help.
But if he's happy for you to go in too then all the better.

To the poster who suggested a yearly check up. You obviously don't live in the UK or your chatGPT doesn't as that doesn't happen here.

YANBU to book the appointment, and to take him there.

You would be unreasonable to go into the appointment with him, unless he wants you to, and I mean WANTS you to, not just agrees to pacify you.
Having you there when he doesn’t want you there might actually inhibit him from sharing information that only he knows, perhaps embarrassing or highly personal symptoms that he might not say in front of you.
Make a list of his medical history and give it to him to take in and pass to the doctor (although in theory it should all be on their system anyway).

Yes they will.

That thing to sign is to have control over everything. You can take anyone with you and they can say anything. When I’ve been really bad Dh has done all the talking.

My DD would ask me to still go with her once she turned 18, but I wouldn’t take charge I’d leave her to talk to the doctor and just chip in at the end with anything important that she hadn’t mentioned, or question she hadn’t asked.

Dealing with medical professionals effectively is a skill that has to be learned. If he was going with an ingrown toenail you could leave him to it, but I think this is too important.

@kleverklogs and @R0ckandHardPlace this is sort of what we're thinking, thank you for wording it better 😊

If the patient brings someone in with them, no one needs to sign anything

@Sotiredteen I would insist he make an appt and go with him. I had to do this with my DF. Remind DS of his symptoms and how they are affecting him, and how they need to get sorted. He might be scared and in denial, not wanting to confront the situation.

Go in with him.

Write a bullet list of symptoms and either you or he tell them to the GP.

Age is irrelevant. He needs support and you’ll be giving it. His judgement is impaired as he thinks he doesn’t need to see a doctor.

If he's happy with you doing so, I'd go with him for sure. I don't do it as a rule, but I recently went to the GP with my eldest son (he's 21 with a serious health condition) because he's severely deaf and had an ear infection, so he could barely hear. The GP was fine with me attending, provided my son had consented to me being there.

My daughter, 19, was experiencing this and she asked me to go with her. After months of bloods she was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease that affects the thyroid. She is so much better now she is medicated, so it's absolutely worth checking.

If he is ok with you going with him then I don't see the harm, not all 19 year old are the same, some still need abit more support.

I’ve been in with my DH before now and him with me. When you’re very unwell it’s not easy to remember everything the doctor says or understand the next steps etc.

Try not to worry, it could be something as simple as glandular fever which is very common amongst teens and young adults.

That hasn't been my experience, but perhaps my surgery was less helpful.

Thank you again for your replies ❤

DS felt really rough on the way back from work (he works with DH 2 days a week and college/ contractor the other days). When DH probed further it turned out he felt more breathless than he'd been letting on and was having back and chest pains. He's taken him to A&E to be on the safe side and he's only been there three hours and triaged already with suspected pneumonia 😭 He is waiting for blood tests and chest x-ray at the moment and possibly a CT scan as they are worried about how his lungs sound.

At least he is taking it seriously now!

Well that is worrying but at last you're going to get an answer to all of his health problems. I really hope everything goes well and will be thinking of you and your son.

Good heavens. That's quite a crisis - it's good you were on it and your DH was able to get your DS to A&E.

In general, it's best if young people can handle their health-related stuff independently of Mum and Dad. Once they are away from home, they generally have to anyway, especially if they move areas/countries. But there are times when we all need some support; when I was 20 and away at university, my childhood epilepsy re-emerged after a day out with my new boyfriend (now husband.) My GP declined to put me straight on anti-convulsants, in case it was a one-off. Given my medical history, it was a long shot and sure enough, while I was at home for the Christmas holidays, I had another episode. I woke up on my bed, having lost consciousness and time. BF was many miles away with his parents, but my Mum was on hand and she took me to see her GP, who prescribed emergency medication and contacted my GP. I felt very shaky and vulnerable and it was great having her there, telling the GP what was what! Routine things are one matter, but crises are something else. As long as your son is happy for a parent to accompany him, it shouldn't be an issue for anyone else.

Goodness, that must have been a very worrying time for you @Tortielady

DS is just waiting for a bed to free up, he'll definitely be in tonight and tomorrow and have given him antibiotics to be on the safe side while they wait for results to come back. He's had oxygen for a bit too as his stats were low and it made him feel so much better, I can't get over how he's kept going being this poorly.
They've let DH stay until he's settled on a ward, which I'm massively relieved about. X-ray tomorrow morning and regular monitoring through the night.
I'm relieved something is getting sorted and he's being looked after.

Just to update...DS is home, had a couple of nights in hospital, but is responding well to antibiotics. He has a follow up GP appointment Friday and asked me to go with him 😅
Thank you for your support 💕

great news OP- hope he's back to full strength soon!

But he may do those things and be unwilling to disclose it in front of you.

Make the appointment, take him and offer to go in with him.

Just seen your other posts. It can take a long time to recover back to normal strength.

They might make a point of asking a very young adult coming in with a parent. Sometimes teens with abusive or controlling parents don’t manage to break away as soon as they are legally adults. It’s not the same power dynamic as a adult coming to the Drs with their spouse. A 19 yr old who has never made their own Drs appointments might not realise that they are in charge of who hears their medical information, regardless of who made the appointment. Hearing the Dr voice that legal position out loud can be helpful in those circumstances.
Sorry OP, I’m not implying you are controlling towards your adult son.

Ah I just read the updates. It’s hope he’s feeling much better. Pneumonia can sneak up on you like that sometimes.

Really valid point @ItaughtItawatweetybird

He's definitely improved, but yes, it's going to take a while to regain his strength. Dr was very positive about his recovery x