Aibu to let DD go to Aunties for Sleepover when..

[OnePeppyLimeDuck]

She’s smoking weed?
She due to go to Amsterdam next Monday then having my DD following Saturday.

DD is 9, I didn’t want her to go originally anyway (because of the smoking and the lack of effort from her) but we’ve just found out through insta that she’s going there the week she wants our DD.

Auntie is over 40 lives 60 mins away.
I feel really uncomfortable as it was my DH that agreed she could go (his sister) I agreed as DD really wants to go. But now I know this I want to say no she can’t go?

Do you mean whikst she’s away or when your daughter is there?

What has being over 40 got to do with anything? Do you loose all ability to care for children once you hit 40?

Will she smoke when your DD is there? When im in places that allow it I enjoy the occasional spliff once the children are in bed. Guess you can judge me, too.

I thought you meant your DD was smoking weed!!

If she is that age and still doing this, it doesn't show great judgement.

This. Call me uptight but a habitual drug user would not be having unsupervised contact with my daughter. People can be all cool and chill about drugs if they want but it’s a hard no from me. Same as I wouldn’t let a habitual heavy drinker have my child overnight. It shows wildly different judgment and values to my own therefore I wouldn’t trust them to have the same judgment and values on other decisions that might need to be made while my child was in their care.

You could say the same about anyone over 40 who drinks.

I think I'm confused - you are worried that she's going to bring stuff back with her from Amsterdam and smoke with your child? Or you're concerned that she's going to smoke in Amsterdam and then come home to babysit? Or are you worried that she smokes regularly but will have your child?

I'd have no qualms about telling anyone they can't smoke / drink when in charge of my children (and I would never have more than a couple drinks around my kids or while in charge of someone else's) but if it's a judgement about her holiday plans that's a different problem. Also not sure what her age has to do with anything.

It’s not the same though. The child is not at risk from passive inhalation with alcohol

They also aren't at risk from passive inhalation all the way from Amsterdam.

I'm confused too.

Are you worried she'll be stoned when she looks after your daughter?

It's not like she can bring weed back in her suitcase?

I’m not sure I’m following.

Is she is a habitual weed smoker at home ? If so then I’d be wary.
Or are you concerned she will be smoking weed in Amsterdam on a holiday and caring for your DD on her return ? That wouldn’t bothered me at all, Weed is legal and she can do as she pleases on holidays, she won’t be stoned when she gets back.

Well Im assuming she means the Aunt will be smoking in a property the child will be in but Im bored now anyway.

Your post says it all!

I totally agree, my DC are adults now, but there’s no way I would have let them spend any time with a habitual drug user. I hate the way it’s normalised on MN, I’ve never touched drugs and neither have my DC.

Old enough to know better maybe?

maybe, I don’t mean to judge, do what you like in your own home and life, it just makes me feel really uneasy, I don’t smoke/ drink/ drugs, so I wasn’t sure if I am being overprotective and soft about it.

Sorry!! I don’t think I’ve made myself very clear.

Yes, she is at home too.

Sorry I’d just seen people usually but she’s so thought I would?! Also maybe give context.

I’m worried she’ll still be unfit to look after my child after the holiday. She’s also smokes regularly at home.

I wasn't brought up around drugs etc so I have no idea if I’m being completely ott also I’m trying not to potentially make a mountain out of a mole hill.

At my 40th birthday my youngest was four months old. I managed to get him to adulthood. Perhaps it would have been less stressy with the aid of weed 🤷‍♀️
I think ayou can say you dont want her smoking when your daughter is with her. Dont think you csn say she cant smoke on holiday before she has your daughter

This was my thinking but DH said she would be fine, but I feel really uncomfortable about it and wasn’t sure if I was being ott or not.

My DD really wants to go I have no idea how weed makes you feel are you incapable of watching a child under the influence or not.

I don’t want to make a huge issue out of nothing hence asking.

I don’t think my post makes sense though, probably because I’m confused myself.