Do I go out with new work friends or stay away.

[SisterMarie]

I'm new to a work place. One of my very first jobs. The others who are my age seem to go out drinking a lot. They often invite me but I don't feel comfortable doing it.

I dont drink alcohol or caffeine due to religious reasons and I'd feel a bit out of place in a bar or club.

Should I go and just not drink or just stay away entirely. I dont want to be left out or unfriendly but also feel very shy and out of place in that environment.

Aibu to not go out with them at all?

Maybe suggest lunch one day, get to know them, but in a more comfortable environment for you. I would make it clear that you aren't trying to stop them from going out drinking, and they should do that too, but an extra that suits you too should be fine.

Ah thankyou. I honestly didn't even think of suggesting a lunch. That will be a nice to break the ice. 😊

Go — but set boundaries and leave if it feels off

Thankyou. Yeah ill set my own boundaries but not spoil their fun. I didn't want to come across as judgey around them

You can always give it a go and who knows, you might enjoy it?

Plenty of people don't drink but still enjoy a night out.

Might be worth trying once anyway if you don't get any takers for lunch.

Go, stay for one, and have a soft drink? That way you are making the effort without compromising your values - and even if they are drinking, if you leave early, they will still be fairly sober if they're all only one drink in when you call it a night

Ill give it a go. I feel silly for worrying about ot so much but im a very shy person and worrying about social stuff like this.

Yeah leaving early is a good option. It will give me a chance to get away from it all before it gets lairy 😅

I'd be upfront about it, that you'd love to hang out but don't drink. Perhaps you could offer to be a designated driver there (if you want and drive). You could then use that as an opportunity to suggest an alternative place that you would like to go to, like the lunch suggestion. It reinforces that you'd like to spend time with them, it's the activity you have reservations about not them :)

Suggest a meal out? Then you can just go for the meal and not the drinks after.
I'm not T total but I don't usually drink much.. I still go on the work nights out just to bond with people. I leave after a couple of hours. Though I guess I'd be what you'd call the weird quiet one!! I do make an effort though. I think it's nice of them to invite me as I actually work alone and am just kind of adjacent to the rest of the team.
I think it's good to try and be friendly even if you are an introvert at heart (which i am)
People don't really mind you know! They'll be happy you turned up then when you leave they'll probably be too pissed to notice anyway lol! That's what often happens with me! But they remember you were there at the beginning and see it as friendly

Thats a good idea. They're nice people so ill think they'll understand. I dont mind driving 😊

Yeah you're right, showing up is good but I can leave early. I think they'd appreciate the effort

I wouldn’t suggest dinner or lunch when there is already a social event organised.
Go along and see how you get on, lots of people don’t drink alcohol for a variety of reasons. People will appreciate you making the effort, and you don’t need to stay long.

There will be way more people at the bar who aren't drinking alcohol than you think - especially nowadays. Most pubs and bars these days do a wide selection of alcohol-free drinks. I'd go to the bar and get to know them - order a soft drink and don't feel you have to explain or justify it. It's not a big deal. If you don't feel comfortable after one drink then you can leave.

First post nails it.

There's a young lad at my workplace that doesn't drink and no one makes him feel weird about it when out. Quite appreciated really as he can drive! He's very much the centre of social activity here.

That said, we more often socialise by going out for lunch so no drinking as we have to work after, or playing Frisbee golf together, but there are the occasional sauna nights with beers.

Go and have soft drinks. No one will bat an eyelid, and a lot of people don’t drink if they have to drive afterwards.

Thanks all guess I just got in my own head about it

My work socials have changed over the last few years as quite a few new staff don’t drink or drink very little . If we go for a meal at Christmas there will be 5/15 not drinking

Same - we have some who don’t drink through personal choice and some who don’t for religious reasons. We make sure that we do something inclusive to start with - an activity of some sort - and then if people want to stay on and have drinks they’re welcome to but it’s not the focus of the social.

Some of the suggestions here run the risk of over-engineering a fairly basic work-related social activity.

Lunch, everywhere I have worked, is either popping out for a sandwich to eat at the desk or a chance to pop to do an errand. Don't suggest this is my advice.

I work with v diverse teams... Some have cultural/religious constraints, some have logistical constraints. I, for example, have a long commute and I have to drive from the station. So I go for a chat/laugh with my team not the contents or my/their glass!
Go for a drink, let them see who you are away from the desk, get to know them more informally and then go home when you want. That is what most people do!

I wouldn't volunteer to drive - you'll have to stay until the rest are ready to leave weather you want to or not!

Tell them you don’t drink but would be up for doing something else after work one time

they should probably have more inclusive socials