To find this level of stinginess off-putting?

[Adanola3456]

I have been with my partner for around a year, but as we have been spending more time together/around each other, I’ve noticed a few things.

Firstly, how tatty their clothes are. I don’t care what brand someone wears but examples of his clothes include socks basically worn out to the point where the material is thinner than toilet paper, underwear is stained and discoloured no matter how much you wash them, t-shirts are stained under the pits - again, no matter how much you wash them. They also wear the same pair of tracksuit bottoms over and over again.

They all basically need replacing but my partner just won’t spend the money on it. She has savings but just has a lot of anxiety around spending money - and I get that - but surely this is also down to just having no pride in your appearance whatsoever?

AIBU to find this off-putting?

Yanbu, are they depressed though, rather than stingy?

Are the savings for anything specific?

No definitely not depressed, they just don’t want to spend money on buying anything new for themselves - they panic the minute money goes out of their account

No, they already have their own place and a decent car

No i would be put off in that case, yanbu x

That would definitely put me off.

Rather than stinginess though....I'd be looking at why she's so scared to spend money.

But I couldn't be w someone like that.

Could she seeking FREE counselling through stingey bastards anonymous?

That would definitely put me off.

Rather than stinginess though....I'd be looking at why she's so scared to spend money.

But I couldn't be w someone like that.

Could she seeking FREE counselling through stingey bastards anonymous?

This post is why we should still have the laughing emoji on here.

No not AIBU at all! It's totally reasonable to feel a bit put off by the state of your partner's clothes. It's not just about the brand, it's about taking care of yourself and feeling presentable. That being said, it's also super important to consider your partner's anxiety around spending money - it's not just about being frugal, it's about the emotional stuff that's driving it. Maybe have a chat with them about how you're feeling, but try to approach it from a place of understanding rather than judgment and say help me understand rather than your grossing me out.

Ick

yes there is a huge gulf between disgusting scruffy and soeinfing far too much on clothes.

she could spend £100 and have an entire new wardrobe from primark

He, she or something else OP?

Find out a bit of her background. I used to be like that. I was brought up with absolutely nothing. Clothes came from jumble sales, there was never enough of anything. My dm was constantly in a panic that the cooker might break. We never had a washing machine.

It took me a long time and a healthy savings account before I stopped darning socks & sweaters, making shoes & underwear do one more year, and walking in bad weather rather than catching the bus.

If that's the problem, it will take time and patience for her to get past it. Growing up in real poverty leaves a very long shadow.

I assume you like them for who they are and they were exactly like that when you met them first time. If they are your DP now, why don't you buy them clothes as present? Is it FF or MF relationship? How old are you both?

There may be some issues there but I wouldn't see that as stingy.