DH claims I’m being miserable yet he is just as miserable ! Scapegoat of misery ?

[Slipperywhipple]

Me and DH have been married 6 years. Have 2 toddlers . Both work full time.

All finances are shared and split fairly. Generally house work is split and DH is very handy with the Hoover and does the laundry. I’d say I do more early mornings and school runs but DH does a lot of pick up’s around my job.
He definitely does his share of chores and cooking. He earns more but never alludes to this.
He is generally kind and supportive of everything. We both WFH and spend nearly all our time together and are usually happy .

Lately he keeps saying I am moody and miserable . I won’t lie i am tired and exhausted. But I feel DH is very very touchy at the moment . I feel he is very quick to blame me as moody/ miserable/ stressed . Yet he claims he is not .

I feel it’s the narrative is suddenly - what’s wrong your being so miserable? Yet he in fact is miserable himself and short tempered himself ?

I think that you both need to address your moods. Or are his excuses starting for why he's looking elsewhere?

I think when you are both knackered all the time it’s easy to get pissed off at each other but him accusing you of being miserable is unhelpful. He shouldn’t try to start a race to the bottom. Maybe he realises you’re not on top form but is bad at articulating this so this is how he deals with it. You should try and talk it through. Having toddlers is tough though. I think things will turn a corner naturally.

As well as it being exhausting as the parents of 2 toddlers you also both WFH and are therefore spending most of your time in each others company - that’s quite intense and doesn’t give either of you time to breath / decompress. How much do either of do away from the home independently ? Any hobbies / evenings out / just an hour to go for coffee ? I suspect the main issue is that because home / toddlers / work is so intense and exhausting you have forgotten about yourselves as individuals and you don’t get the benefit of other human interaction during the day in the office or time to wind down on your commute home. The plus of WFH is you don’t “waste” time on the commute but the downside is lack of other face to face human interaction and a lack of things which happen during the day which lead to a conversation at dinner about something else other than the DC / whether the lounge needs redecorating.

I think it might help to both sit down and acknowledge the current situation. Then agree a plan for what you can do to change it i.e. each plan some alone time / time with friends / pursuing a hobby. When was the last time you went out as a couple / on a date night ? It sounds like both you and DH are more than capable around the home and DC so it shouldn’t be an issue agreeing some down time for each of you.